SKA IS THE NEW BLACK

What I Like Wearing

2012-01-21T10:33:00.002+08:00

So, I've been asked in formspring about the types of clothes that I like to wear, and since I've been asked more than once, and my answer tend to be VERY lengthy, you know, since I over think a LOT, I think it's worthy of a blogpost.

Hmmm.. so where to begin? Well, I like something minimalist. Which is why I don't particularly favour color blocking trend. The only color blocking I'd do is black against white. I'm not playing it safe, I think I just really really like black. My whole wardrobe is taken over by the color black. Hence the name of the blog I think? hehe.

see what I mean? Mostly black, white and grey. and some
random other colors.

I also like hobo chic, yes, hobo. Not boho. Well, I like boho chic as well, because it's all romantic and all hippy, but I don't know, the whole calculated frumpiness of hobo chic just kind of appeals to me more. Although since it involves oversized layering, it's not advice-able to wear the style in Malaysia. Well, maybe some wont mind it, but since, I have extremely low tolerance to heat, I might not be pulling it off anytime soon. I LOVE LOVE the look though. It's so slouchy.

Hobo chic by Missoni
image:blogs.glam.com

Hobo chic by Missoni
image: blogs.glam.com

image: sartorialme.blogspot.com

and that's moi trying to pull off hobo chic

ditto

But then again, I also love sleek, minimalist looks. Especially something Calvin Klein-ish. with the neutral tones, straight lines. I think it depends on my mood.

Calvin Klein

I also like to wear contradicting things. Like leather leggings (back then) with flowy white tunics, Black dress, with blood red lipstick combined with bangles with studs, Black from head to toe with a sudden shocking pink nails (back then) you know something like that. Maybe pairing up maxi dresses and combat boots, chunky punkish accessories, and aviator shades. I guess I subconsciously have the need to express my rebellious streak in what I wear.

But then again, some days, I just couldn't care less. I've had lunch in Tony Roma's in my sweat pants after all. Well, to be fair I did put a blazer over it though. Can you imagine, blazer over my sleeping gear? yeah. I do that. hahaha.

So I guess that's me. A contradicting, rebellious fashion mess. :)

Wealth & Success

2012-01-18T21:44:00.001+08:00

"sometimes people work just for the sake of surviving. Just as long as their family gets fed and not starve to death that's enough for them (as opposed to working to reach the stars and succeeding)"

- Anonymous Friend of Mine

So me and my friends were talking about business the other day, and when we discuss why some prefer being their own bosses, when some don't, and some even don't have the drive to work at all, that quote came out.

And of course my brain start whirring. There's nothing wrong about the quote, to each their own and all, but then I think there's nothing wrong about working just for the sake of surviving either.

I mean some of us (me), do not wish to spend their (my) time worrying about business. Some might enjoy it, thrive in it, while some may not even bother.

Personally, I think there's some right in the notion that "people just work to survive" I mean, initially, that's the whole reason. Before that, money didn't even exist anyway. So back then, working meant going hunting, gathering fruits, chopping off woods for shelter and fire, sewing animal fur for clothing to keep warm and so on. So technically, yes, we humans used to work to survive. As the time pass, and barter system start surfacing, the definition of "work" also include a little bit of luxury. And when the concept of "money" start existing, the concept of how those with the most money gets the most luxury(regardless of how they obtain it) also started with it, until today. My other half said something about money being a modern day dajjal or something like that, but you're going to have to ask him. I kind of spaced out when he said that.

Now, I may have stated this before, but I'm terrified of losing my family. I don't want to miss out on my child's development, or lose my relationship with my husband to work. I think working hard as a mother and a wife is a wonderful job. Mind you, being a housewife is not the same as being a cleaner. It bears heavier responsibility than that. Instilling the right values in your children, making sure that they grew up full of love to become a kind, considerate adult, caring for your partner, being there to support them, basically you're a pile. A guardian, a protector of those you love. Isn't that wonderful?

However, I can never deny that in this day and age, money is a necessity. One does not simply survive without money. So, what is wrong to work just to survive? (and to do a little bit of travelling :p) There is nothing wrong about working to live a comfortable life either, or to afford a little bit of luxury.

The definition of success varies according to people. Some consider growing old with your partner surrounded and loved by your children a great success in life, some consider being recognised for their hardwork, and being promoted a success, some consider making a huge contribution in society a success, and some just want to be happy.

However, when the definition of success is equalled to the amount of money you have, then we might just be living in a very messed up world.

So in this sense, yes, I might just be working to survive (and travel. :p) in the future, and there ain't nothing wrong with it sista! *snaps finger* :D

How My Mind Works

2012-01-18T11:12:00.001+08:00

I think. A lot. No. It doesn't mean that I'm intelligent. It just means that well, I think a lot.

How things are the way they are, why they are the way they are, constantly coming up with unproven theories and questions, and followed by another unanswered questions. But mostly, I spend most of my thinking time planning and worrying things will not follow through.

For example, like the case with my thesis, I can tell you now that I have managed to outdone myself in selecting the most complicated, and complex topic I can ever find. And now, I spend most of my time (other than researching) worrying how the hell will I ever be able to pull this off. But unlike most times I do that, this time I don't regret anything. Well, that's one good thing I suppose, right?

Now, when this kinds of things happen, what I do is think about the whole thing. The definition of my research, whether it's been done before, how to do it, the research problem, the methodology, and so on and so forth. So my head is kind of like a warzone right now. I can't even think straight.

Another problem with me is that I'm the biggest critique of myself. I don't do self soothing. I criticise myself. My standards are so high, that it is hard for me to achieve. I need to do something brilliantly, or I'll be devastated. There's really no middle ground for me. Go hard or go home. So you can see how I'm often disappointed in myself. Even more so, when right now I'm still struggling to find a way in my research, to find that light at the end of the tunnel, instead of having a smooth sailing all through my researching process.

My other half, on the other hand, is a complete opposite. He does not worry. at all. And when I go all apeshit crazy on him freaking out about my thesis he just quietly told me "the way to deal with anything complicated, is to take it one step at a time and see how it goes from there"

and it made sense!

He's not always right, but this time, he is. It doesn't make sense to just see the whole big...no, huge...no GINORMOUS picture, and freaking out about how it can't be done, because I have no knowledge on the subject. I mean that is the whole point of a research right? To find out things you don't know.

So yeah, I'm still working on that. Shedding my inner psychotic critique and be all zen.

Wish me luck!

Thoughts

2012-01-17T17:35:00.001+08:00

"To be able to inspire is the greatest honour of all."
-SSK

Just a short entry today. I think to be told that "you are my inspiration", or to become a role model of someone is the greatest form of compliments ever. EVER.

And no, it didn't just happen to me, in case you're wondering.

Holiday Pictures

2012-01-15T10:28:00.000+08:00

Some pictures during the Italy-Switzerland-Germany-France trip. I figured if I uploaded all of the pictrues, it will be too much, so here's just SOME of it. and when I said some pictures, I meant some pictures of me. lol.

Oh I've gotten better at tying turban now. I can do it in less than 1 minute. I love wearing turban. I could do it in winter because, well I had to have some kind of muffler anyway. So I can use that to cover my neck and chest. but I don't really think I can do this in Malaysia. I'll be burning up within seconds. So I definitely enjoyed wearing turban for as long as I could.

The picture's not in order btw. Enjoy!

this was in florence, I think

Also Florence

also florence

this was in Switzerland

New year's eve dinner

Mt. Junfraujoch. All dizzy because of the altitude.

Ice Palace

Snow!

Paris

Ticket to Eiffel Tower. Froze my fingers off up there.
Very windy

Disneyland!

On the flight back

Hotel in Rome

Arc de Triumph

Open air museum, Florence.
A lot of nudity here. lol.

haruslah ada this kind of picture. :p

Somewhere in Rome, exhausted.

Inside colloseum

Venice

another mirror shot. :p

Rants

2012-01-15T02:40:00.000+08:00

You know how I used to write about how people used to talk about the first time I covered up? Well, I couldn't really understand back then what the big deal was about.

Why people was so shocked, and why people question it, make some wild assumptions or even talk about it at all. I was kind of angry about it (as you can probably tell from my earlier posts about the subject), since, you know, people don't know me, or know what's going on inside my head, and yet they still pass their own judgement. Make their own assumptions. Expecting the worst out of me. I mulled it over and over again in my head, getting more and more bitter each time. And then, in the end, I just kind of shoved it at the back of my mind, and forgot about it, since it was easier for me that way.

But recently, I've had some free time to self reflect. and you know what? I get why they do that. I mean, look at me back then. Who wouldn't be shocked? It WAS a very drastic decision on my part. I had this kind of wild child image about me back then. I even had my brow pierced at one point. So, appearance wise, it was a complete 180. Even my closest friends were shocked. Friends who knew me inside out, and what goes on inside my head. Just imagine how strangers, who don't get past all the eyebrow piercing, revealing clothes, and black nail polish image of me, will feel.

So to those who passed judgement about me back then, it's ok. I understand now. I forgive you. and sorry for being mad at you. And to those who stuck around, supporting me, standing up for me when people has said some nasty stuff, and giving me encouragement, your kindness is even more magnified now that I see how hard it was to not judge me back then. So, it's 2 years too late, but thank you so so much for your kindness. :,)

Being detached.

2012-01-09T20:07:00.002+08:00

So I've been away for a while and I have just gotten back. I've been blessed with the opportunity to travel around Europe and see the beauty they have to offer. From the breath taking landscape, to the architecture, their art and culture, I must say, from Italy, to Switzerland to Germany and finally to France, it was a journey of a life time.

Now, in Malaysia I'm so attached to internet, and with the unlimitted Blackberry Internet Service, and wifi at home, of course it was just at my finger tip. Twitter, Facebook, 9gag, you name it. However, when I was travelling around Europe, internet was a little bit harder get. I switched off my BB data plan, because the charges were just plain murder, and I had to pay to use the hotel's wifi. and being exhausted after sight seeing and being jet lagged and all, I just couldn't be bothered.

What I've noticed about not being so attached to any social networking site on the internet is that, it has a positive effect on me. Here is why.

I went to so many places and learnt so many cultures and some new language (really basic mind you, like "hello" and "thank you" and the likes) in the span of 18 days. I had just gotten back from a trip to Louvre museum in Paris, learning and admiring painting and sculptures, when I have finally gotten access to free internet. As I needed to check my student email, just in case there was something urgent I had to do, I logged on to my email, my Twitter and my Facebook account (and also 9gag.lol). And what did I find?

There was a national uproar about something some girl who got 17A's was wearing. My timeline was full of it, and so was my FB Newsfeed. And then there was something about what Yuna was wearing too. and when I say national uproar, I meant national uproar. Everybody was talking about it. Some was bashing it, some was bashing the basher, some was supporting it.

It kind of straightened my perspectives on the priority of the topic we prefer to talk about. Not exchanging of ideas, or knowledge. We really like scandal, something controversial and gossip worthy. We like crap.

Now this might come off as very snobbish of me. You might think "alah baru pg Louvre dah kecoh2 konon ilmiah sangat". Please understand that that was none of my intention.

It's just that the stark difference of the information I get on that particular day kind of hit me on the face. We have got our priorities wrong. So someone somewhere wears leggings.

WHO BLOODY CARES??

You want to correct her, because you think you're right and she's wrong? by all means, get in touch with her. But then that's it. Just stop right there. It's certainly not worth 50 tweets or a long thread of status comments. and definitely NOT worth a national uproar sampai keluar2 TV segala bagai.

There are SOOOOO many other things we can focus on. Poverty in Ethiopia. The cure of cancer. Business management. Ancient architecture. Arts. Sculptures. The beauty of nature. YET. we choose to talk about what people wear. REALLY??

Don't get me wrong, had I not been to the Louvre and got a little bit of culture shoved into me, I would have not noticed the stark difference and I definitely would have joined in with the gossip.

But please. For the love of humanity, let us all just step back and reassess what is important to us. What should be our priority in life. And just rise above all the idle gossip. Because it is such a waste to use our brain power for something so mundane.

The things he says and does.

2011-11-23T22:39:00.001+08:00

So I made lasagna the other day. I gave some slices to Adam, and he said;

"Wow, this is so good. I'm a lucky guy. :) "

And then, sometimes, he just subconsciously stares at me and says

"Wow, you're so beautiful"

It's random things like that that I appreciate more than anything. To feel appreciated, and loved in such a way is just invaluable.

Thank you so much for loving all of me the way you do.

I love you.

Skin Food Challenge 12 - The Reveal

2011-11-23T16:49:00.001+08:00

Ah..the day of the reveal has finall come.

So, for these past 12 days, I have religiously followed the Skin Food Egg White Pore Clean Pad and Skin Food Egg White Serum regime.

There were ups and downs in between, bumps on my skin has came and gone, and came back again with full force, and disappearing slowly again, to my relieve, thanks to Skin Food.

So for this post I really would like to summarize what both products did to my skin.

Skin Food Egg White Pore Clean Pad, while causing a slight break out right after I applied it on my face, (because my skin is so sensitive like that), they leave it feeling so soft and smooth. No kidding. And the pad has some alien absorbing power, because, it never fails to absorb dirts out of my skin, even after I exfoliated.

I don't worry so much about the break out anymore, becaus the serum usually takes care of them for me. The serums, as I have probably mentioned it, is my favourite product of the two. I usually put those on at night, and I wake up with a dewy youthful skin. I LOVE IT!! I will definitely continue using those.

So as promised, pictures!

From this:

to...

Bippity

Boppity

Boo!!

This!

Healthier, brighter, softer skin!!!!

I'm so pleased at how it turned out! My millia (turns out those bumps under my eyes are called milias) are even getting better! and they're supposed to be so hard to get rid of!! I'm not wearing anything on my face in case you're wondering, just eye liner and lip tint. :)

So I guess that's it then, the loooooooong ride was so worth it. I shall TRY(I'm a broke ass student, so it might not be that easy for me. :p) to continue with the Egg White range, because, my face is looking healthier now. I'm so ecstatic! I'm watching Breaking Dawn tomorrow at Cineleisure (AGHHHH!!! Team Edward!) I'll so drop by Skin Food, I'm even more hooked than before!

Here are the price list for Egg White range btw, in case you were wondering.

Egg White Pore Mask - RM 44.00

Egg White Pore Foam 150ml - RM 45.90

Egg White Serum - RM 42.90

Egg White Pore Clean Pads - RM 28.80

I would also like to thank my readers (ye ye je readers. macam ada readers je hohoho) for coming along on this journey for me.

Until we meet again!

Love,

SSK

"Anjing Indon" and "Malingsial"

2011-11-22T22:26:00.001+08:00

My family consists of Indonesians (Me and Mommy) and Malaysians (Dad, my brother and my sister), and hurtful words like the above do not exist in our house hold. Why? because our mum taught us better than that.

Peace and Love.

Skin Food Challenge 11 - THE day before the reveal

2011-11-22T22:08:00.001+08:00

Ahh, it is finally here. The final day before the reveal. I have just applied my last pair of Egg White Pore Clean Pad, and Egg White Serum (I still have some of it left yayy).

My skin is doing better and better, although because of the setback, it's not where I wish it to be, but at least it's not where I fear it to be. :) I'm anxious to see the result tomorrow. I don't think it will be like the picture I posted yesterday, you know, the one with dewy complexion and adorable freckles. But, I think that it may be well on it's way there.

I have been looking for the cause of my lumps of bumps on my skin, I must say, I was a bit surprised that it MAY not be sebum after all... no wonder it keeps coming back. :(

On the up side though, my skin is feeling really soft and smooth right now, and after searching through google about skin conditions, and seeing all the images of skin problems, I really am grateful to have my skin as it is now. :s One feel like one doth ask to much.

So no matter what the outcome is tomorrow (I don't think there will be much difference between tonight and tomorrow :p), I will still be happy with my skin, and will try harder to take care of it.

See you tomorrow lovelies.

xx

p.s: I went to AU2 JJ's Skin Food store just now to look for suitable moisturiser for my oh-so-delicate skin, and saw this, and definitely fell in love with the packaging.

Gorgeous aren't they? so mysterious. Like some kind of magic potion for eternal youth or something. It's from their Gold Caviar range. Didn't buy it though, since I don't have any problems with wrinkles. YET. *knock on wood*

Skin Food Challenge 10 - A tutorial

2011-11-22T01:10:00.001+08:00

I'm SOOOOO sorry for the late post. I was watching the foot ball game just now.. I hope that riot doesn't break out between the 2 countries. :( And then mid-way of writing this blog, my battery went out, and I couldn't find my charger. *le-sigh*

On a lighter note, my skin is doing better! Thank God! Excessive sebum is still there, but definitely smaller. I don't know what's going on with it, really.
So anyway, today, I'm going to show you a step-by-step tutorial to a great looking skin! I know I promised to post a picture of yesterday's result, but I changed my mind. :p sorry. hehe I also promised no more picture of my face didn't I? hahahahaha. ah well. c'est la vie.

So here goes a simple photo tutorial of the Skin Food Egg White Pore Clean Pad and Skin Food Egg White Serum.

Skin Food Egg White Pore Clean Pad

Oh. Hai.

Step 1 & Step 2

1. Take out Step 1 Pad. It's usually

folded inwards. Use the inner

embossed part

2. wipe your (clean) face gently with

the pad in circular motion. Cheek area.

3. Forehead area

4. And my most critical area, the area

next to my nose. Just wipe your whole

face with it

5. Be grossed out at the dirt the pad

managed to absorb. It helps to say

"ewwwwww" like me. lulz.

6. When that's done, take Step 2.
As you can probably see from my face,
I like this step. It's so refreshing.

7. Wipey-wipe. Do the same thing you

you did with Step 1.

8. When that's done, raise your thumb.

You're good to go. Tres Bien!

Skin Food Egg White Serum

1. Take out the 2 Serums.

2. Put the T-Zone serum on your index

finger.

3. Apply 'em eggy goodness on

your T-zone. And smooth it out. Using

only your index finger.

4. Do the same thing with U-Zone

serum.But do it with your ring finger

instead.It's important to not mix the 2.

So make sure you use 2 different

fingers!

The success might not be immediate, but you will definitely feel your skin smoother. I heard that Skin Food's already launching these 2 eggy babies. You can find out the details here on their Malaysian facebook page, where you can ask them directly about the product with immediate response.

Or you can check em out on their Malaysian website here. Im so sorry, but I dont know their international website yet. I tried going here, but it's all in korean. But if you can read Korean, by all means, visit them.

So that's al from me for tonight. Have a good dream!

Skin Food Challenge 09 - A Quick Update

2011-11-20T23:30:00.001+08:00

Hello, I'm kind of in a rush tonight, so this is going to be a quick one ok?

Remember how I told you that my skin was acting out yesterday? well, it's gotten A LITTLE better now. I don't know whether it's the serum or if my skin is just weird like that... T_T

But Egg White Clean Pore Pad and Egg White Serum definitely helps. If it doesn't help with my on and off sebum clots, at least it helps soften and smoothen other areas on my face. Like for realz. It's awesome. So tonight is my Pad and Serum routine night. I'm hoping that my skin would stop being a rebellious teenager and just calm down already.

Well, that's it for me. Look out for tomorrow's post ok? I'll post up some photos. ok?

Expectation :

Dewy, even skin

Notice the freckles? hehe. The reason that I've put up this fresh faced freckled beauty, is because I have freckles myself. Did you notice? they're spread all across my cheeks. My sister is constantly asking me whether I'm bothered about my freckles, and I gotta say, I really am not. I kind of embrace it, even.

So at least I've got the freckles part covered, I'm one step away from that skin. :p

Sleep well lovelies!

Skin Food Challenge 08 - A Setback

2011-11-20T00:20:00.001+08:00

Sorry for the late post!! I have just gotten back from a lovely lovely birthday dinner my grilfriend threw me.

My skin got worse today.. :( I'm not sure what happened. The excessive sebum that's been reducing came back again with full force. Maybe it's this bb cream I'm using. Since I don't normally wear that much make up (full make up for me consists of eye liner and lip tint), maybe it's my skin rebelling. Or maybe it's the stress getting to me. (I have a hard time focusing on the articles I'm supposed to be reading, so I'm really frustrated and disappointed at myself. :( )

I promised that I won't put up anymore picture of me, but please don't get sick of me yet, I need to let you know how bad the condition of my skin is, so bear with me for a bit yeah?

Loook. T_T

So I'm gonna go wash my face, and go on with the Egg Wite regime now. I'll let you kow what happened tomorrow.

Till then, sleep tight!

Oh. Haro.

That's me post-dinner btw. Lipstick is still in prime condition, and I didn't re-apply even once! It's the lipstick from Skin Food I was telling you about. Don't you just love the intense deep red hue of it? Too bad they don't make it anymore. :(

Skin Food Challenge 07 - A Review

2011-11-18T23:01:00.001+08:00

It's friday! and the challenge is half completed!

By the way I will not be posting any more picture of my face. Because:
1) You all must be getting so sick of my face. We don't want that now do we? :p
2) I want the final result to go out with a BANG! hehehe.

I can tell you now, that my skin is showing an improvement. Amazing what a product can do within a week, really. Even more so, because I'm a horrible carer of my skin. Yep. Still not drinking enough water. -_-

So, I think I'll talk to you about the product itself. What I think of it.
Firstly the Skin Food Egg White Pore Clean Pad. Just in case you don't remember, here, some picture.

One pack contains 5 pairs of pad. Each pair has a Step 1 and a Step 2. Like you can see below.

Step 1

Step 2

The pad for step 1 is kind of oily, and it works as a cleanser for your pores. It soaks up a lot of dirt, as you will see on the pad (probably with a slight surprise, since you swore you have just exfoliated your skin) after using it. Now when I say oily, you will probably think "ew, gross. Don't want that on my face."

Fear not. That's where step 2 comes in. Step 2 feels kind of like that liquid they wipe on your arm before they give you an injection. not sure what it is, but it gives you that cooling effect, and completely wipes off the oily after effect of step 1, leaving your skin feeling clean and fresh. Sorta like how you feel after you've put your toner on. Without the taut feeling on your skin. Yeah. something like that. I love it just for that reason. I touch my skin and feel like one of 'em pretty Korean girls you see on fashion catalogues of pre-order clothes on blogs. hehehe. Plus it convinces me that my skin is finally actually clean, since I can see all the dirt on the step 1 pad. hahaha. Perhaps it's a psychological thing. Does anybody feel the same way? No? Just me? Alright then. :p

Step 1 pad

Step 2 pad

Moving on to next product. Egg White Serum. Some pictures for the forgetful ones:

Out of the 2 products, these are probably my favourites. Why? because everytime I put these on, my bumps at the side of my nose shrinks. And the next morning, I practically gone! But you gotsa be constant when it comes to these serums. If you forget it for a certain period of time, the bumps will come back.

The texture of these serums are very light. Almost liquidy. It dripped down my finger when I was trying to take a picture of it the last time. See? That's why it's at an awkward position at the side of my finger as opposed to at the centre of it.

I especially love the texture, because as I mentioned before, my skin can NOT tolerate rich moisturiser. No sir, I can't. So this light, liquidy texture is a fresh pleasant change than the thicker, denser type I usually attempt to put on my face. It has a lovely scent as well. Very delicate sweet lingering smell. I usually put these on at night, so I appreciate the soothing effect it gives me.

So that is all I will write tonight. I'm kind of depressed right now, since I had to read a LOT of articles today, but I really really had trouble concentrating. :( So I'll give it another go tomorrow morning. As for now, I'll just pamper myself with egg whites, and call it a night.

Until then. Sleep tight!

Skin Food Challenge 06 - An Experiment.

2011-11-17T23:32:00.001+08:00

Haro. I have been so busy with my research lately. I'm binge eating, not drinking, staying up late, sleeping with the lights on (and having to pay for it big time with a migrain T_T) and if I smoked (which I don't) I would've done everything I could to butcher my skin.

Look at what I have to deal with. *le-sigh* oh and notice

the old mugs at the back? lolz

Which is why I'm so glad that I have the Skin Food Egg products. Because at least my bad habit of not taking care of my skin doesn't lie heavily on my conscience. Keeping this journal daily helps too because at least I have that discipline of going through with it - a trait which I don't possess when it comes to skin care. :p

So anyway, today I was thinking of just giving you a pre-summary before the conclusion of this challenge. Highlighting what is currently happening to my skin.

Ginormous enough? :p

Ok so let me explain to what those colored dotted zoning represents.

RED zone : The most critical area of my skin prone to break out, and what appears to be permanent lumps and bumps.
PINK zone: 2nd most critical area of my skin. less prone to break out, but sebums is a permanent resident over that zone. Crowded with excessive sebum.
YELLOW zone : Not so critical area. However, if I'm under stress, that's the area most prone to break out first. requires LOTS of cares.

Out come after 6 days of Egg White range

RED zone : Area with the most improvement. Lumps and bumps appear to be smoother, almost unnoticable. Tapi still ada wrinkles. boo. :s
PINK zone : Wel actually the improvement around the area ties with RED zone. But, since Red zone was the most critical one, I'd say that Red zone improved the most.
YELLOW zone : As an indicator of whether a product is suitable or not(since it's so sensitive) it doesn't show any aversion to Skin Food Egg White range. So yayy! And since I don't drink that much. (yes, I know. I gotta ditch the bad habit), The Egg White Serum - U-Zone really really helps with keeping that area moist and soft and smooooooth. Oh and did I say it didn't cause my skin to break out? +1000000!

Egg really is good for your skin!

If you want you can make an egg mask yourself.

Ingredients:

- 1 Egg whites

- 1/2 Lime

Direction:

1. Whisk egg whites and lime until it foams a bit. DO NOT MAKE A MERINGUE OUT OF IT!

2. Slather your skin with the egg white and lime mixture.

3. Wait until it hardens and dries.

5. Wash with warm water.

I used to do that often in my youth (I feel so old now), and it does really work. The egg whites works as an agent of softening your skin, whle the lime provides the acidic element to your mask to prevent acne.

Or, if you want to avoid the hassle (and the mess on your bedsheet and pillow case. yes, egg whites drip), and the smell of eggs on your face. you can just get these babies!

Egg White Pore Clean Pad - 2 steps to beautiful skin!

Egg White Serum

All eggy goodness without the hassle (or the mess, which trust me, you do NOT want). And I assure you they smell really nice!

so, until then! Sleep tight!

Skin Food Challenge 05 - An Experiment

2011-11-16T20:30:00.000+08:00

Haro! How's everyone doing? I had a productive day, so I think mine was pretty satisfactory. Don't you love it when you achieve your goals. It's such a confidence booster no?

Ok, so, as promised, I'll beposting up picture of my skin this morning, post-yesterday's egg white treatment.

My bumps are almost non-existent now!!!! *huge grin*. But, but, but, my skin is really really dry, because I have this thing against drinking water. I'm not sure why, but I can only drink after I eat. -_- I know it's not good for my skin, so I'll probably start forcing myself to drink more water, for the sake of my skin, and kidney. (I got my priorities wrong haven't I?) Maybe I'll just drop by AEON AU2's Skin Food outlet to get some kind of light moisturiser because my sebum-excessive skin can't take rich moisturiser.

Ok, moving on, pictures! here you go.

The Morning After

Oh. Haro.

U-Zone Right

U-Zone Left

Sebum Area (reduced!! :D)

Sebum Area 2 ( Reduced!! :D)

T-Zone (KIND OF reduced)

T-Zone

Gonna continue with my serum today and drink lots and lots of water.

Ta.

xx

Skin Food Challenge 04 - An Experiment

2011-11-16T00:56:00.001+08:00

This is day 04 of Skin Food 12 Days Challenge, and my second day of Egg White Pore Clean Pad.

Let's go straight to the before and after picture and let it do the talking shall we? After all, pictures do not lie.

Before

T-Zone 1

T-Zone 2

U-Zone Left

U-Zone Right

As before my main problem is bumps on my T-zone. I don't have any serious pore problems, but I DO have some serious case of excessive sebum under on the right and left side of my nose. So, I'm counting on these egg white products to rectify that! :p

After Applying Egg White Pore Clean Pad

Right : Before - Left: AFter

U-Zone Right

T-Zone

T-Zone (gross)

I've notice a peculiar pattern here. My skin always breaks out a bit after applying Egg White Pore Clean Pad. Did you notice? I just hope that it's because my skin was adjusting to a new product applied. I'll let you know after the 3rd day of Egg White Pore Clean Pad application. But I must say I'm impressed at its ability to soak up impurities on my skin! Look at the dirt it managed to extract on the top left picture. That's the step 1 pad btw.

After Applying Egg White Serum

T-Zone

U-Zone

U-Zone (That's Calatrava at the back btw)

Another peculiar pattern here is that, the break out caused by the pad, relaxed a bit after I applied the serum. But this time It didn't really show any immediate succes the way it did before. My skin definitely feels softer post-serum though. softer and smoother.

As you can probably see from my pictures I'm really really sleepy now. I'll check in again tomorrow to write some update about my skin condition in the morning.

Till then. Sleep tight!

A present - way beyond how much it costs.

2011-11-15T18:40:00.001+08:00

So my birthday was on the 14th of November. It was a low-key affair with the loved ones.

My other half picked me up for breakfast at 9 a.m. After we had our breakfast, he was all being mysterious, and asked me to just follow him. He wouldn't tell me what he'd planned for the day.

Now you have to know that I LOVE surprises. ADORE it. I FLIP over it. So, you can imagine my excitement with all these mysteries. On the other hand though, I like figuring things out. So once he was being all mysterious, my brain went on overdrive and started processing data, to come up with a conclusion as to what he was trying to do. hahaha. So much for surprises eh? I even annoyed him a bit with a constant "where are we going???" "Are we going to watch movies?" "Wait, I know this route, are we going to do such n such" etc.

In the end I figured it out, there was no way he can take me grocery shopping without me figuring out what he was planning to do. That's right. He cooked me lunch! :) I even know what he was gonna cook because I know what he shopped for. hahaha.

I was so touched by this gesture. It's so personal and full of efforts on his part. So he marinated and grilled the chicken, mashed potatoes, cooked the gravy - all from scratch, mind you - and came up with a wonderful, wonderful lunch for me.

My lovely birthday lunch!

Then it was present time.

At this point, I think it is crucial to tell you that my boyfriend is not the mushy gooey kind of boyfriend. He loves me yes, but he's a typical sitcom material man character, if you know what I mean.

We're like those married couples you see on sitcom. Like Debra and Raymond from Everybody Loves Raymond. hahaha. I nag a lot, I tell him what to do, I get all bossy, complain a lot, get angry a lot, throw tantrums often, whereas, he spaces out when I talk to him about make up and shoes, and girly stuff, says really jerky things without thinking, very insensitive, comes up with a thousand and one explanations and excuses and messed up logic when we fight, you know, just a frustrating, irritating sitcom material guy.

Whom I love very much. :)

When he gave me my present, he explained to me. "I didn't know what to get you (because as I said, he's that kind of guy), I saw some really pretty necklace, but I notice that the watch you're wearing was falling apart, so I got you this"

He continued, "I notice that you love classic minimalist design, and you always wear minimalist clothes, straight line, no color, no pattern, and no fuss. and I saw this Calvin Klein looking watch, and I thought you'd love it"

I opened up the box, saw this delicate lovely watch, and started crying.

He was so on point. I LOVED it to its very last bit. But what made me cry was all the thoughts that goes into his considerations of getting me that particular watch.

Him silently sympathising about my watch that's falling apart. It was HIS watch actually, I started wearing it when he was in the UK, because I wanted to have a piece of him with me in Malaysia because I was having a hard time missing him a lot back then.

My old watch. Well, his old watch, really.

Him understanding what I love, and noticing what I wear, and that is really a big deal, because as I said, he's that kind of guy, the kind of guy who goes out wearing PBSM uniform T-Shirt, freebie T-shirt he got from a some vitamin he bought, or the likes of that, so he couldn't give a rat's ass about what people wear.

But he noticed what I was always wearing. The design, the color, the cutting. That really got to me. :,)

As far as present goes, I'm not the type who wants expensive things. In fact, I was planning on getting one of those rings you buy in a stall for RM50 for my wedding ring. A ring is after all, just a ring.

I'm the kind of person who gets really touched with thoughtful gifts. Especially the silent thoughtful kinds. His present is all that and more. I appreciate all of that sweetie. :)

I came home with a smile on my face and a warm feeling in my heart. But it's far from over.

MY family had a surprise for me. You see, we're not a festive kind of family, and we don't celebrate birthdays the way others do. My mother took a cake out of the fridge, strawberry cake, because I was in the strawberry gobbling phase all last month. And gave me 3 presents. Well, SHE said that it was from my younger siblings, but I doubt that. hehehe. She gave me a shawl because I wear those, a dress that I pointed at and said "that's really cute" last Sunday, and 100 euros. (more on that later)

Big haul! :)

Yummy strawberry and vanilla cake

All of that really touched me. All the silently noticing and remembering what I like, what I wear, and what I want is way more valuable than gold or diamonds. Really. It's invaluable.

I guess all it comes down to for me is that I prefer gifts of love, wrapped in thoughts, understanding and kindness, rather than expensive gifts. Of course I do not reject expensive gifts, but those aren't the type that I prefer. :)

And I'm VERY lucky to be surrounded with people who cares. Alhamdulillah.

I'm counting my blessing now. :)

Skin Food Challenge 03 - An Experiment

2011-11-14T21:39:00.001+08:00

So as promised, I'll be posting up pictures of my face I took today, post-Skin Food Egg White Products application. Spoiler alert - be ready to be surprised.

I said yesterday that I wasn't impressed right? I TAKE THAT ALL BACK!!!

Look!!

T-Zone bumps greatly reduced

Ditto

U-Zone left

U-Zone right

Please excuse my droopy eyes and vacant expression. I took this right after I woke up.

Did you notice the difference? The bumps are noticeably smaller than last night. And I think the serum is giving my skin that dewy glow. It's my birthday today, and I even went out to celebrate it with my other half (more on that later) without any make up on. I was that confident with my skin today.

THESE PRODUCTS ARE AMAZING! I have to admit, I was a bit skeptical about the result, but there it is.

I'm gonna continue with the serum everyday, and with the pad every other day, so that it lasts for 12 days, since there are only 5 pairs in the package.

I will keep you updated.

Skin Food Challenge 02 - An Experiment.

2011-11-13T19:33:00.005+08:00

Sooo, how's everyone doing? Did you have a great Sunday? I had 3 classes today from 9 a.m to 4 p.m, so mine wasn't that great. Boo.. :(

But that's just even more reason to be soooo excited to start this challenge!! *squeal!*

For some reason though, I'm feeling all scientist today, maybe because I spent all day listening to lectures about research methods, who knows, and I'm seeing this challenge as some sort of scientific experiment. hahaha. Yeah, I'm weird that way.

So let's get things startedd! *puts latex gloves and lab coat on*

Research Question :
How does Skin Food Egg White Pore Clean Pad & Serum affect my skin.

Hypothesis :
They will go all bippity boppity boo on my skin, works wonders on it, making it baby smooth.

Manipulated Variable :
Application of Egg White products on my skin.

Responding Variable :
My Skin.

Controlled Variable :
Errr... room..temperature..? (man, I was never good at this)

Subject of Experiment:

Le me
Age : 25

Subject's skin condition:

T-Zone - Bumpy, prone to white-head & break-out

U-Zone - Bumpy, dry

(Very) BRIEF Back ground study : Benefits of egg whites on skin.
According to natural-homeremedies-for-life.com;

"An egg white mask can be very useful in skin care for many reasons. An egg white is protein, vitamin, and mineral rich so it nourishes your skin
It is especially known to cleanse, exfoliate and lighten the skin. But it is most famous for being a very effective astringent which means it tightens and firms your skin."

Which is why the probability of the 2 egg white products working miracles on my skin is very high. (woohoo!)

Product Applied :
1) Skin Food's Egg White Pore Clean Pad

step 1

step 2

step 1

step 2

What it does :

i) Step 1 : Removes bleackheads and whiteheads on the nose, forehead and chin just by wiping.

ii) Step 2 : Refines pores after removing blackheads in step 1.

Before :

clean face and all :)

Bumpy T-Zone

U-Zone 1

U-Zone 2

After :

Le-me

T-Zone

U-Zone 1

U-Zone 2

Result :

Hmm.. I notice nothing different (other than the fact that my eyes is kind of freakishly huge from a certain angle). But then again, I don't have that much black/white head and my pores aren't that big to begin with, so maybe, that's the reason that no major transformation can be spotted. On the up side though, it leaves my skin feeling fresh!

2) Skin Food Egg White Serum

Serum

T-Zone & U-Zone Serum

T-Zone Serum

U-Zone Serum

What it does :
i) T-Zone Serum : Applied on T-zone, it regulates excessive sebum production and tightens enlarged pore on T-zone.
ii) U-Zone Serum : Applied on U-zone, tighten enlarged pores and moisturises U-zone.

Before: As seen above

After:

Up-front

Right-side U-Zone

T-Zone

Result:
It might not seem so, but I actually notice my T-Zone bumps is significantly reduced. Especially around my nose. not my nose bridge, the area next to it. If you ignore my humonguous eye bags, you'll notice scatters of bumps right beneath it. And it's definitely reduced! Can you seee itttttt??? and, and, and.. my skin looks kind of dewy. Which I love!

Overall conclusion for Day 2:
Well, the overall result of today's experiment is just average, I guess. I see some changes, but nothing to shout about...JUST YET. :) Afterall what I'm recording as of now is the immediate result of the experiment. I'll monitor how my skin turns out in the morning and I'll let you know!

This experiment is definitely well on its way to proving my hypothesis right!

Stay tuned!

xx

Skin food - yummies for your skin. (and it doesn't make you fat!)

2011-11-12T22:20:00.016+08:00

I have always been a biiig fan of Skin Food.

I even have 2 of these cards. One for Cineleisure branch, one for Aeon AU2 Branch.

So, anyway, I have a REALLY sensitive skin, and needless to say,I have to take extra care when it comes to taking care of it. It's either I don't put anything on it, or I put something on it and suffer the consequences later. HEAVY consequences, mind you. My skin will break out, and it will burn, and rashes will start coming out. Seriously, I will give the wicked witch of the west a run for her money.

I struggled for a while looking for the suitable skin care for my face. And then, I found the perfect one; Skin Food.

I first discovered it in Cineleisure, since I frequent the place to watch movies. I was drawn in by the design of the shop. Seriously, have you seen it? It's SOOOO cute! With faux bare brick wall, pastel color interior decor, and laminated timber strip floors, it certainly caught my eyes! It's almost like a fantasy land. If you have visited their online shop here, you will get what I mean.

I got these illustrations off their website, and I absolutely adore it!

Ok so anyway, I trusted Skin Food because, well, this may come off as silly, but, I trust it because it's made out of food. And if you can't trust food, who can you trust? :p

What I mean to say is that it's made out of natural materials, and it doesn't contain harmful chemical, and soooo, my oh so delicate and sensitive skin won't be harmed by it, and I will no longer look like the wicked witch of the west! :D Awesome!

The first product that I bought was the lipstick. I was so crazy about red lips back then (still am) so I bought this during their chinese new year promotion. Fiery, prosperous red. And I have had it ever since. See how it looks so haggard? It's because I always carry it in my bag.

I ADORE the packaging. Little cupid and all. How precious!

And then I discovered the best invention ever since loaf bread: Skin Food's rice mask!!!! You surely have noticed how the koreans have silky smooth skin right? Well, let's just say, I now know their secret. hehehe

Then I bought their hot black sesame mask. I accidentally licked it, and it was delicious! It tasted so sweet. hahaha. Ok. not relevant. It felt really warm on my skin, and leave my skin feel so clean. but not the dry kind of clean, you know?

They opened a branch near my house in Setiawangsa, and so what else can I do? I mean putting things on my face without it breaking out??!! Are you kidding me of course I had to get more.

And THAT is how this little cream blusher became mine. It smelled lovely too! Like candies.

I think I have established how I LOVE Skin Food products haven't I? So when I saw THIS, I had to participate. And I was chosen! I was ecstatic!!! I have never done anything like this.

I went to the launching of their One Utama outlet right after my master class, (be sure to visit them!), and managed to get some pictures.

Look at their displays. So vibrant and colourful. Just like candy rack isn't it?

And THESE!! just like honey. How can you not want to have it smeared all over your face?

Look at the wide arrays of facial mask. I'll let you in on a secret. My dad loves their mask. He plays golf, and he gets sun burnt a lot. So He enjoys the cooling effect of the cucumber mask. hehehe.

These are what I told you about. Rice mask and hot black sesame mask. Can you see it?

And the most awesome part was, of course, GOODIE BAG! Let's see what's in it Shall we?

Did I tell you how much I like their cupid? hehehe

Ok so, first, absolutely adorable notebooks and pen.

and......

THESE!!

Egg White Pore Clean Pad

and

Egg White Serum. (that's me n my mum at the back, btw. say hi to my mum you guys!)

I'll put those on for 12 days (you know, since it's the 12 days challenge), while it does wonders to my pores and complexion.

And then I will say good bye to this!

And helloooo to clear skin!

Stay tuned! :)

xx

2011-11-11T19:57:00.000+08:00

Sustainable living

2011-10-29T17:51:00.002+08:00

I went to the market today to get some food, and I was stunned!

I bought some leafy greens, tomatoes and chillies and it cost me RM 30.90. I was so surprised! How can some vegetable cost that much? The price of food is obsolete these days.

Being the paranoid person that I am, of course my brain started plotting plans to not depend on suppliers for food. I hate to think that they have a control over me. Like they can do what they want and there's nothing I can do because they're the suppliers and I'm the consumer, and I highly depend on them.

The first thing that came to my mind was all hippy "I should go live in the jungle! yeah, that's it. Just forget about the worldly goods, and just be one with nature" but after 5 minutes or so I realised that it was a crazy plan.

Then I remember that a friend of mine kind of live in the jungle. She told me that when she needs some vegetable and some protein, she can just go to her backyard, and pick some greens, and then she can go to the stream, and fish. And that's one day's meal done.

I remember thinking that that is so wonderful! I loved the idea of not having to rely on some other people for food.

So, my brain started hatching a new plan (I wish it would work that fast when I'm doing my thesis. -__-") Sustainable Living!

Me and my partner are architects, so the first thing that came to my mind was: low energy building! I think energy is one of the major expense in a household. So, by installing proper ventilation and shades, I can minimise energy used for cooling. And then we can start implementing rain water harvesting system for water sources. And to top it off, solar panels!! (then theres other things like low energy light bulbs and what nots) I think that would've cut our expenses by half!

And then for food, I think I would like to at least grow some of my veggies in the backyard. Spinach, tomatoes, chillies, green beans, water spinach, and pucuk paku. And I would also like to have a chicken coop in my back yard. for eggs.

Then, it would be so wonderful, if we can live near the stream, and put a net there to catch some fish. We can put the net there at night, and go check it in the morning! or something.

Well, that's the rough idea of how I wanted it to be. I think some time around last year, I did blog that I wanted to grow my own food, make my own jam, butter and cheese, and make my own clothes. I still find the idea fascinating, but I think this idea is much more logic and achievable.

So here's to sustainable living! *clink*

War

2011-10-18T21:01:00.003+08:00

I came across so many videos of soldiers returning from serving their countries, to the arms of their loved one. I must have spent a good 3 hours crying over it. I found it so heart warming, and I felt the love on so many levels, so, I'd like to share it with you guys

Now, after watching that I really realized that this is what war does to people. This is what war does to families.

It tears people apart.

Sons and daughters from their parents,
Parents from their children,
Husbands from wives,
Wives from husbands.

At the end of the day, those involved and sacrificed in war, no matter which country they come from, are just a person, with people who love them, who would never wish to lose them.

So I'm going to ask a naive question here.

Is war really necessary?

Being an architect

2011-09-30T08:29:00.004+08:00

image: daftcartoons.co.uk

A dear friend of mine,Kuna of life is colorful posted this link on her facebook page, and I found myself attracted to it like a moth to a light.

Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely love being an Architect. I’ve been an Architect almost as long as I haven’t been an Architect (don’t try to do the math, please) and at this point I really can’t imagine doing anything else. Actually, I can’t imagine “being” anything else. It’s become more than a profession. It’s become part of the definition of who I am. But, no one really told me it would change every aspect of my perception of the world. No one told me it was going to get under my skin.
No one ever told me, that when you’re an Architect:

You won’t be able to afford your own taste

You’ll notice everything that is even slightly out of alignment

You’ll never look at a building without “reading” the architecture. You’ll only analyze a space, you won’t just experience it. You’ll be a bystander…

You’ll be endlessly fascinated with natural light and shadows

You won’t be able to let anything go, your brain will spin, you won’t sleep

You won’t be able to talk to anyone about what you do. No one will know what an Architect does

You’ll be weary and content at the same time

Your back will hurt

You’ll be less respected than you thought

Your shyness will be interpreted as arrogance

You’ll be working on your craft for years, you’ll never feel like you’ve mastered it, but you’ll keep at it, everyday, again, again

You’ll remember every single thing you did wrong on a project, and that will keep you from seeing everything you did right

You’ll want to put everything in order, always… But, you may choose not to do that

When you’re young, your heros will be irrelevant. You’ll figure that out when you get older

You’ll know a lot less about construction than you thought you would

You’ll mark the milestones in your life by the projects you were working on at the time

You’ll come to know a little about everything, you’ll know a lot about just a few things

You’ll begin to see the built environment as a continuously evolving form, built piece by piece by generations of individual efforts. – You’ll begin to see balance between individuality and community

You’ll often have an opportunity to be the center of attention, but, you won’t know how to take advantage of that

You will be interesting…

eventually
Cheers { Coffee with an Architect }

I have been an architect for a while now, and I have a constant love-hate relationship with it.

I'll be looking forward to go to work, all fired up to get a design done, and so weary of being shot down by architecture the next day. It might be me having a personality disorder, but let's hope not.:P

When you work, you always, always try to be the best in what you do right? Well, at least I do. But the problem in architecture is, that it is a form of art. It is so subjective that you can't really say what is good and what is not. Now, of course there are some basic guidelines, like your building should not cause any sickness to the occupants, you know, it needs to have sufficient air flow, and natural lighting to minimise sick building syndrome.

But when it comes to façade, there's no defining it. Sometime I find myself so disappointed with myself for not being a better architect. For not being able to come up with an iconic building, to become a Zaha Hadid of the century. But the thing is, I don't want to. I want to be an unknown architect whose building make people happy instead of leaving them in awe.

To be able to hang on to the knowledge that it is ok to not design an iconic skyscraper is rather difficult, since those who can are practically worshipped in my line of work. And when such images are shoved in your face, (much like the idea of how a perfect woman should be is shoved in our faces by the media), you kind of start to doubt yourself, you start to feel bad about yourself, like you're not good enough.

Now, of course I do understand in all technicality, that being a better architect, with better designing skills, better construction knowledge or better drawing production abilities does not make you a better person. But sometimes, like the article above said, you kind of lose yourself in your job. It becomes you, and you become it.

It really is a sad thing because human are more than their profession (yeah, I do understand that, in theory), so sometimes, when I'm sober enough from all the "architectural drug" pulsing in my veins, and I can see and think clearly, I'm able to refuse to be determined by my profession. I can come to a soothing revelation that I am MORE than just an architect. I am a daughter, a sister, a friend, and hopefully soon, a wife and a mother(heh). And more importantly, I am just me. Whoever I prefer me to be.

So when that happens, I can just kind of tune architecture out. I hid all the posts on facebook related to architecture, I stopped analysing how a building's design can allow maximum sunlight and making a mental note of how to apply that in my design, stopped looking closely at construction details, and just tell my other half to shut it whenever he talks about architecture (this happens more often than I'm proud to admit), and just enjoy being just a Sati Sekar for some time.

For the time being, I'm still trying to tell myself that it is ok to not be an architect who's portrayed as the 'great building master'. That it is also ok to like building what I like and not to be pressured to build some iconic building just because architects who are talked about, do that. (agak peer pressure rupanya.. hahaha)

When I can finally permanently let go without having to persuade myself of the things above, I bet I'll be as happy as a lark.

But for now, it still is a barrier that I'm trying to overcome. :)

p.s: my permanently-architecturally-drugged other half and me decided to open a design consultation office. We've only just registered the business today. More updates on that later. We specialize in minimalist contemporary architecture. So, if any of you would like to build such building and need a consultation, feel free tocontact us. (sorry for the unashamed self promotion :p)

Parenting

2011-09-27T11:42:00.009+08:00

image: topnews.ae

I was on my way back from Bali the other day. As I was lining up at the immigration centre along with other foreigners (yes I'm still lining up at the queue with the "foreigner" sign board above it) *insert self pitying rant about how PR process is taking way too long*, I noticed that a japanese family of four was lining up right behind me.

I spent my childhood in Japan, and it really has been a while since the last time I'd been in contact with anything Japanese-other than the food of course- so, I was so happy to hear actual live japanese conversation going on behind me. So happy indeed that I started eavesdropping. :p. I wasn't brave enough to start a conversation with them though, since I was rather insecure about my level of Japanese now that I have stopped using it regularly for about 10 years, so I just stood there and savoured every Japanese words spoken by them.

Now the thing you must know about the Japanese is that their moral, discipline, and considerations towards others is really high. I was really lucky to have been able to spend even the shortest amount of time there when I was little, I would at least like to think that I have absorbed some of those positive traits from the Japanese.

That kind of teaching, I believe starts as early as kindergarten. Young children are taught of the importance of being helpful and considerate of others. But, I'm not very familiar with that territory, since I moved to Japan when I was in primary school. So, I will tell you how the discipline was in my school.

Say Hi to my old school, Kunimi Elementary School Y'all! :D

First of all, everything was self catered. The students worked as the lunch lady, distributing the food to the class (since we take our lunch in our classroom), and it was done so systematically that each and every student in that class will get their fair share of turn as the lunch serving group. The same goes with cleaning the school compound. There was NO janitor, or the cleaning lady. We sweep, mop, dust, brush, clean, wash, replace everything ourselves (yes, even the toilet). I remember seeing a chart in my class room which determines who does what for the rest of the month, and being really impressed by it. I tried implementing the same concept in my Malaysian secondary school for duty roster, and yep, you guessed it. It didn't work.

That's me all hygienically-dressed-up as the lunch lady for the day!

And then, you can completely rely on public transportation schedules. It is NEVER late. and when they're early - yes, that happens in Japan - they actually wait for the passengers. and then you'll never see an elderly, or a pregnant lady, or the disabled standing up in a public transportation. Isn't that great??? There are soooo many other good quality, but the list will never end. NIPPON SAIKOOOO! :D

So back to the family of four story. The family consisted of a mother, a father, and 2 small kids. One boy, and one girl. The girl was about 9/10 years old I think, and the little boy was around 5/6.

I had a good pair of ear, so it was extremely easy for me to eavesdrop on them. I heard the little boy complaining about a stomach ache all through the line. The father comforted the boy but not in a mushy kind of way, you know how some adults talk to a kid like they're just a baby? No it was none of that. The father spoke to his son like an equal. So instead of "Awww, baby, it's ok. Daddy is here. Here let me kiss your tum tum, to make the pain go bye bye" he said "Oh does your stomach still hurts? It's ok. Just bear (Japanese is really big with the word "gaman") with it a little bit longer. We'll go through this together".

I was really amazed at the way the father diffused his little boy's complaints. Of course the little boy keeps repeating his complaint, but who wouldn't? I'm a completely grown woman, and I will complain and nag and whine, and probably curse at my boyfriend, if I had a stomach ache in the middle of a really long line. I was very impressed at how controlled his complaints were.

But then, something that left me with an even greater impression, happened after that.

The little boy was playing with this thing

I don't know what it's called, but I googled queue ropes, and this came out, so maybe that's what it's called.

So the boy was playing with the rope and that steel pole swinging it back and forth, and at one point it almost fell down.

If it were me, I would've reprimanded my kid saying

"Stop that, somebody will scold you for doing that"

But the father did not say that.What he said was:

"良いの? それ倒れたら,皆に迷惑をかけるよ?"
"Are you sure you want to do that? If those collapse, you will trouble everyone"

So, instead of telling the kid that they should be afraid of being scolded, he lets the kid think for himself, whether playing with the rope is right or wrong, by telling the kid what will happen if it collapses while also teaching him to be more considerate of others.

I was really impressed. I guess it is the same as teaching your kid the importance of "please" and "thank you", and being helpful and kind to those weaker than you, and letting someone out of the lift/public transportation first, before getting on, not cutting queues, crossing on the zebra cross, and being punctual among so many other things.

I guess that kind of things should be taught as early as possible as a foundation for them to grow up as a person.

I think that's what I'll teach them before abc.

A bitter sweet goodbye.

2011-09-21T19:47:00.009+08:00

So I completed all my registeration procedures with University of Malaya today. Well, actually I completed my registeration with UM last week, but today, I applied for the student pass, from the uni, so it feels much more set in stone. I'm saying it like it is a bad thing, but as I said, it is something bitter sweet to me.

This time around, last year, I was greeted with several happy news. I got accepted to several universities in the UK to get my masters in architecture. This happy news was followed by ironically sad news, that I can't go, because I had some complications in my PR/Visa application.

I still held on to the offer, because I want it so badly, and because I so hope that my PR application issues will be solved in a year, so I deferred the offer for a year. But, I guess God has better plans for me, because it turned out differently and I still have to remain in Malaysia. I guess it's just not meant to be.

So with all the confirmation today, I guess it is time to bade a sad farewell to these..

And say hello to and try to make the best out of this! :)

While still waiting for this

So Dumbledore's successor, whoever you are, I'm still waiting. Anytime now.

P.s: I think right about now, my other half is accessing my email and sending the universities an email declining all the offers, because I just can't do it myself. :(

Purpose in life.

2011-09-19T18:20:00.003+08:00

I have always wondered what my purpose in life was.

Has anyone ever felt like they are just drifting in life, with no definite purpose or goals? I have.

As many might know, I have studied architecture, and had worked as an architect for 2 years. I assumed that that was my goal, I have even put that up in my personal statement when I was applying to universities. I mentioned there that I would like to make a difference in the world through architecture (rather presumptuous and conceited no? :P)

But working for 2 years in the field, I get so caught up with submissions, and just getting projects done, that I forgot what I hope to be doing. And then I realise that perhaps, this is not the way I would like to do the world good, because deep down inside, I still feel hollow.

I quoted Mitch Albom in my personal statement, and I would like to share it with you. I find this quote very true and meaningful.

"The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your comunity around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning"

I too have always believed that we serve some sort of purpose in life one way or another. I believe that we live to benefit others, and from others. It's a never ending cycle.

It is however, in my opinion, a greater pleasure to do something that benefit others, rather than being the one who benefit from others. Because after all to give is better than to receive. But then again, we are just human beings, and we will rely on to others at some point or another, so, it is inevitable, and being able to do so makes us more human.

I have been at loss as to what my purpose in life is, but I remembered again today.

I remembered that instead of existing just to do something for yourself, existing to be helpful to those around you will definitely make you happier.

I remembered that one time, when the horrendous tragedy struck Japan with tsunami/earthquake/nuclear plant leak disaster all happening at once, @aoihashima tweeted something very inspirational. I will try to translate it to the best of my knowledge, but I apologise for any mistake, my japanese is rather rusty.

お金がある人は、お金を出せばいい。知恵がある人は、知恵を出せばいい。チカラがある人は、チカラを出せばいい。勇気がある人は、勇気を出せばいい。何もない人は、元気を出せばいい

"Those with money should give out money, Those with wisdom should give out wisdom, those with strength should give out strength, those with courage, should give out courage, those with nothing should chin up and give out smile"

Even during such a dark time, and when all hopes are lost, these people still try to do something for others around them. Even when they have nothing. Isn't that something so inspirational, and doesn't it at least nudge at your conscience?

I have yet to find my purpose in life, something that I can do to benefit those around me, to make the world a better place. But if my writing is something that can reach out to people around the world in some way, and if it does someone good, at least I will be doing something someone somewhere finds useful.

People have so many different goals and purpose in life, that much can't be denied. But, whatever your purpose in life is, try to do something that will benefit others more than something that benefits yourself. That kind of purpose feeds your soul. That kind of purpose makes you happy in return.

True story.

A stranger, a 29 years old girl from czech, messaged me on formspring with a truly kind word, this post was inspired by that.

No title sebab eksaited sangat.

2011-09-18T21:30:00.002+08:00

OMG!!!! ASDFGHJKLASDFGHJKL!!!

Made my day. Probably month too.

Friendship

2011-09-15T22:56:00.004+08:00

I recently got into a fight with one of my closest friends. I always wanted to be a good person, you know without the hate and all, but the darker side of me is always banging on the dungeon door, where it is usually locked in, trying to get out, and one dark dark night, it got out.

There was no excuse to the despicable thing I did, but I think I needed her to understand that my intentions were good. I'm a very protective sort of friend, and I can't stand to see any of my friends get hurt. It was not my place to say anything, but I guess my protective (and a little bit of spiteful) side overwhelmed my better judgement, and I did what I did. Which I truly regret up until now.

I don't really do the talking behind people's back kind of things, I like it better when things are out in the open so it can be talked about and solved. Although, I have to admit, I don't always have the best of timings for the confrontations. I tend do it when I'm mad. And so, out of anger, I said some things I didn't mean, she said things she didn't mean, and it went back and forth for a little bit, and like any fight, it finally reached its end. The thing with fights is, it is pointless, you get each other angry, you hurt each other, you achieve nothing, and lose everything. I do not recommend it for anyone.

It took us months to cool down, and I started coming across our old pictures, and our old messages (thanks facebook), and of course I started to really miss her. We were really tight before, like horcrux and voldemort tight. She was a part of me as much as I was a part of her. I guess it was because we were both a scorpio so it gets really intense or something like that.

So I did the only logical thing to do at that point. I apologised. I didn't care who was wrong or right, all I cared about was making things right between the two of us, and if an apology is what it takes, then I'll be damned if I let my ego get in between of us. Apologising is the least that I can do.

Of course this kind of fight leave even the strongest of friendship with one or two battle scars, and things wont quite be the same again. It might mend with a little bit of time, because after all, time heals the deepest of wounds, but you really have to not push it, because it will be really fragile, and will break at the slightest of force. So, I'm giving it time to mend itself.

I have just figured out how friendship works while I was driving earlier today. Amazing how being alone and spacing out(while being careful of course, this must be said, since I don't want my licence to be suspended. haha) can put things into perspective and lead you to a revelation isn't it?

I was thinking about how I'm looking forward to the season premier of Gossip Girl (can't waittt!!!!), and Gossip Girl got me thinking about Blair Waldorf, and how emotionally attached I get about her (once again I must underline that I am a very INTENSE person. In every sense. Even over fictional characters). How she always does some really exasperatingly dumb things which you just can't quite see how someone can be so daft to do such things, but you still love her and want her to emerge victorious above all the drama and complications that she created for herself.

Then I realized, lightbulbs and all, "Oh hell, I should have just thought about my friends that way, instead of being angry at them for the things they do".

I love all my friends, perhaps more intensely than average, but that's just how I roll. However, sometimes, my emotions do get the better of me, and I get mad at things they do, which doesn't concern me, but which I also know, will bite them later in the end. So I'm protective, sue me. :p

However, you will be relieved that I know now, that I should release my death grip over my friends' life, and just let them run their course, regardless of the outcome, and just kind of be their backbone from afar.

Ahh, it feels good to let go. Why hadn't I thought about it sooner?

So to all my friends, if you're reading this, know that I love you.:)(imagine autumn golden leaves terbang terbang, sunset, and sea breeze).

Oh, also, thank you Gossip Girl and Blair Waldorf for making me figure this out.

Habis.
(anticlimax and bersepah gila this post. hahaha)

Something wrong with the picture.

2011-09-13T17:33:00.002+08:00

click here for the full article.

I came across this article while I was waiting for Adam getting his hair cut.

When will people finally learn?

It's never the religion that's wrong. It's always the people.

I think I can say from personal experience, that both Islam and Christian teach and preach about peace to its followers.

My aunt is a devoted catholic, and there was one time where she was greatly hurt by an action of a pious muslim man who said something very degrading about her faith and believes, but did she throw me out of her house when I came to visit? did she discriminate against my muslim mother? No. She even told me, and I'm taking her words here;

"I was deeply hurt by what those people did, but I am a catholic, and my religion teaches me to forgive, so I shall forgive them and not hold any grudges. But I am still very very hurt."

and by the way, the word Islam itself is derived from the word "Salam" which means peace, so actually the muslims are people of peace. Not someone yang go around waving parang to those who've wronged them.

I've heard some wild accusation thrown around on the internet about christians. Something along the line of "Christians are always waiting for the day of the fall of Islam". I think of my aunt, and I really have a hard time taking those words in.
And in Indonesia (from what my mother told me) the accusations go both ways. Christians are equally terrified of muslims converting christians to Islam. So we have all these rumors flying around us, making us paranoid and on guard.

I do not deny that such things are happening, it is. but again, it is the people, not the religion.

There are good muslims, and bad muslims,
There are good catholics, and bad catholics,
There are good christians, and bad christians,

So if tragedy like the one in the news happens, and people start being suspicious of one another because of their religion, then, there really must be something wrong with the picture, because religion is something that actually prevents such things from happening.

Translation from Surah Al-Kafirun:

In the name of Allah, the Compassionate, the Merciful.
O disbelievers!1 I do not worship those whom you worship.2 Nor are you worshipers of Him Whom I worship.3 Nor am I a worshiper of those whom you have worshiped. Nor are you worshipers of Him Whom I worship.4 For you is your religion and for me is mine.

for excellent translation and tafsir of this ayat, click here.

Let's all be friends. :)

My darling.

2011-09-12T21:09:00.004+08:00

image: My own

My posts had been very preachy lately have they not?

So I'll talk about something very light tonight. I'll talk about being in love.

**warning!! mushy post coming up, leave if you're diabetic. (you know because it's sweet and all.. oh never mind)

My other half is finally back in Malaysia. and the other night while we are BBM-ing, yes both kedekut taknak call sebab call charges are outrageous these days, I realize just how much I am still in love with him, even after his 2 years absence. Even after 6 years of relationship.

I have dated jerks before. I still cringe at the thought of what I've had to put up with. Of how I allowed myself to be treated.

The manipulation, how he constantly praises his ex girlfriend (which i doubt even existed, now that i'm wiser) so that i'd feel like i had something to prove.

The trying to change me part, how he keeps picking on my imperfections, making me feel inferior, and trying to fit me in his mould. It's even gotten to an extend where he messaged a girl, some random girl on some social networking page, whom he doesn't even know, complaining about me, of how I'm not fun enough because I don't go to clubs, or drink, or do drugs.

The lying part, how he keeps texting girls behind my back.

And the list will go on. I'm way over that, but sometimes, I wish I had at least bitch slapped him once. But then again, it wasn't entirely his fault,I should've realized that if a relationship consist mostly of drama,it isn't a relationship.

(moral: jangan gatal ada relationship masa sekolah)

Negativity aside, remembering such things make me realize just how lucky I am to have Adam.

How he loves all of me. Right down to my excessive fat. lol

How he thinks I am just perfect, that nothing is wrong with me.

How he looks at me when he's driving, and randomly tells me how beautiful I look. (double chin and all)

How he would never ever try to change me.

How he would *try* to make me happy. (which is a little bit hard to do, because I'm very particular, hehe, but he tries anyway)

How he would look at me adoringly even after all these years.

How he would let me meragam, all bad tempered, and foul mouthed, when it's hot outside, and when I'm PMS-ing, without batting an eyelash, sebab dah sedia maklum.

How he understands me inside out, the way I think, before I think it.

I am grateful of all of that. When I think about it, we had our ups and downs, and even rock bottom, and even worse, dark ages, we managed to come through, and that's all that counts to me.

So, my darling, if you're reading this, this is one of my sane moments, before my psychotic hormone kicks in. Do try to remember what i wrote in here when I'm having on of those flip-table moments alright?

I truly am grateful, and blessed to have you.

I love you. *heart shapes and flower petal terbang terbang, rainbowsin the sky, and fireworks*

Love,
Ska.

Kind words

2011-09-08T13:06:00.005+08:00

image: farm4.static.flickr.com

Have you ever thought of how we became the way we are?

I think we are shaped by our experiences, and what surrounds us. True enough there are some personality traits that were given to us that we can't ignore, but our perception, and the way we see things can change according to what we were surrounded with.

For example, a child who has been abused (verbally and physically) her whole life, will definitely see the world in a completely different way than a child nurtured with encouragement and love(this doesn't mean that you should spoil your child). This is also why, abused child will either become an abuser themselves, or they will turn a 180 and become a protector. Either way, I think we can agree that in general, people will be shaped by what surround them, and who the come in contact with. Very much like Mitch Albom's 5 People You Meet In Heaven.

I bet you have seen cases where the naughtiest kid in a class is given the responsibility to become a prefect. My mother is an educator, and she explained this to me. Such kind of act is called indirect encouragement. Usually kids becomes naughty because they unconsciously think that that is what's expected of them, and they are only worthy of being reprimanded, instead of being encouraged. So when they are told off again and again, they will feel like they are being pushed away, and they will react by behaving even more badly.

On the other hand, when the same kid is treated with kindness and encouragement, they will feel that they are being trusted, and their self-worth will increase and thus making them react to it by behaving better.

Whether we notice it or not, we also react the same way to both encouragement and discouragement.

I'll give you an example with issues that is closest to home for me. Hijab. Have you seen articles/discussion on the internet condemning people who are not covering their aurat perfectly? These articles/discussion attacking them are usually written with a cringe worthy crude and offensive words, which is a great irony because these people are preaching and acting all holier than thou, you know, all i'm-doing-this-in-the-name-of-my-religion kind of thing, and yet they say hurtful and spiteful things that do not reflect their religions. Some even went so far as to add "aku bukan nak nasihat pun, aku cuma nak kutuk je", and make you kinda go "what is th.. i don't even..what are yo... oh nevermind".

What I don't understand is how they think that spiteful words will benefit anyone, rather than to satisfy their own inner demon, what if those spiteful words they say leave a permanent scar to someone, which causes them to sink further into the darkness making them incapable of changing for the better? Are any of them ready to take the responsibility of that? Wouldn't it have been easier to say some encouraging words, or a kind reminder spoken in private, instead of publicly humiliating someone? Wouldn't it bring a better outcome? True, that we must reject any act of sins, but it means that we must reject the sin, and not the sinners. After all who are we to judge?

I myself get a little bit lost from time to time, and I think I have been really blessed to not be surrounded with the judgemental sort.

Today, I checked my formspring, and realized 4 months too late that I'm even more blessed than that. Someone left me a really really kind word, which left a big impact on me.

To the stranger above, although I believe that I am not worthy to be sung such praises, I thank you so much for your kind words. You have no idea how much that means to me. :)

So dear readers, I think I have established, how strong the impact of our words is. It can make people happy, peaceful, encouraged, assured, feel blessed and grateful. But if you choose, it can also make people feel the complete opposite of that.

So, say a kind word today, instead of condemning.
Encourage instead of Discouraging.
Empower instead of belittling.

You just may never know how much the words you say, or write can effect a person's life.

Beauty - Overrated?

2011-09-04T11:28:00.003+08:00

Have you ever thought how overrated good looks actually are? I really think that it's too glorified by the media. What's with the beauty search and what not.

It kinda makes you ou look at someone stunning for example, and of course you think, "By George! She's gorgeous!" (Try saying it with an English accent. It's funny:P)and you find yourself envying her like it is the only thing that matters. This is pretty common actually, and of course at one point or another, this happens to me too. I find myself sometimes envying people with beautiful complexion, doe eyes, and full lips (and later rasa really bad for being so shallow).

Of course it is nice to be complimented on how good looking you are, how dewy your skin look, how your eyes sparkles like the stars, how sharp your cheek bones are, how rosy your lips are, but do we really deserve such compliments?

I mean, it's not like we worked on it right? it's not like we burned the midnight oil, to sharpen our cheekbones, or worked hard to make our lips fuller, or we bend over backwards to make our eyes sparkly-er.

Isn't beauty just the case of getting lucky to have the right combination of chromosome traits that some don't? Isn't is just the case of having, what Tyra Banks would say, what ya mama gave ya? And it just so happens that what ya mama gave ya turned out to fit the society's definition of what beauty is.

I still say that what's inside counts more. I really do think so. Being nice, smart, helpful and funny, is still worth a hell lot more than just being pretty and nothing else. Even if @Lord_Voldemort7 thinks otherwise lol.

Here's the link of an excellent article about beauty. Enjoy and be inspired my beauties!

A helping hand.

2011-02-21T16:41:00.003+08:00

image:www.radiokul.com

Salam,

How's everyone doing? It has really been a while hasn't it? I'm still so flattered looking at my stats that there are still people visiting this blog. I have been so busy with my new job, and the likes, I barely have time to write anymore, hence please forgive my rusty writing skills. lol. I also have some updates on the SKEW project, but i have to hold it until i have more to tell you. hehe.

So, anyway, i was at the immigration office early this morning, to extend my visa. As i was standing on the entrance steps of the immigration office, waiting for the person who usually helps me deal with the procedure of Visa application, I saw a cab pull up in front of me.

From the cab, emerged an old man (I assume American, from his accent), who had to be helped by the taxi driver to climb out of the cab. and analyzing his movement, i can say that he was almost-paralyzed from the hip, down. Seeing that, a couple of people helped the taxi driver to assist the old gentleman to climb out of the cab.

Once he was securely seated on a chair with wheels on it(NOT wheel chair mind you. You know, one of those chairs with wheels under it, like the ones we see in offices), the driver drove off leaving the old man on the side walk.

Astonished, by this, and frankly quite worried about his condition, I walked over to him to offer my help, or to see if he needs anything at all, which i ASSUMED he did, considering his condition.

So, anyway, I stood in front of him, and asked him, "excuse me sir, do you need any help?" ( I kinda realize now, that I probably came across as really rude, talking to him without introducing myself first) he stared at me for a while, so, i repeated myself, "do you need any help?" more slowly, and loudly this time.

He stared at me, and told me "No, I'm waiting for my driver", still concerned for his safety (I mean he WAS left at the side of the road on a chair), i wanted to make sure that he was ok, so I asked again "So, your driver will be coming to get you later?" to which he answered, and THIS sentence will burn at the back of my head for a long time,

"No, you listen here honey, Assalamualaikum (to which i replied Wa'alaikumsalam, kind of ashamed that, being a muslim i did not offer salam first), I served in the Saudi for 7 years, I'm going to be ok. I'm waiting for my driver to park his car, and he will come and get me again"

At this point, I was so ashamed at myself for being, I don't know, conceited(?) for assuming that he needed my sympathy, and needed my help,(he must have hated my youth arrogance for assuming i was stronger than him), that i just quickly made sure AGAIN (degil lagi nih still nak tanya) the he was ok, before scuttling off to the steps i was standing on. He smiled and said "Thank you honey" with a curious expression on his face. (I REALLY wonder what was on his mind. I hope i didn't come across as a presumptuous ass)

Standing on the steps, I mulled over what happened just now.

What is it that makes us want to help somebody else, even though we are not quite sure whether or not that particular person needs it?

And it came to me. We are drawn to helping people in trouble because helping someone does your soul good. It makes you feel liberated in one way or another, and your soul knows that, and that kind of moves you to help other people. Sounds selfish when i put it that way, but I think that is how it is.

So, do yourself a favour, and extend a helping hand (although it may result to humiliation like my case tadi, which i don't regret one bit, because at least, I KNOW he'll be OK). It will do you good.

Salam. :)

p.s: sebab ni la i LOVE old gentlemen. sangat courteous. hehe.

hi.....how u describe your fashion

2010-11-22T12:53:00.001+08:00

i would say that I'm a minimalist. I like straight lines, no ruffles or weird stuff on my clothes. i like earth tones, black, white, grey, and navy, i do not like patterns, most of my clothes are plain. Also, i like mixing feminine style with masculine ones. like girly heels with biker leather jacket, combat boots with frilly chiffon dress, and so on. However, i rarely care about what i put on. When im feeling REALLY lazy, and can't be assed about what to wear, I go out in my orange batik pants, worn out oversized T-shirt, blazer(or any kind of jacket closest to my reach), and orange crocs shoes or flip flops.

Ask me anything

Live life.

2010-11-08T15:33:00.001+08:00

Salam all.

How is everyone doing?

I’m sorry for my loooong absence from this blog, and I really really really appreciate those who come here to read this blog.

I have been under a lot of stress lately. Maybe it is just my hormones going beserk, but I often feel down these days.

So a quick update on the skit and skew project. I regret to say that I haven’t made any start on either projects. I attempted to buy a “Sewing for Idiots” book but it was slightly more pricey than I would have liked it to be, and so I kept putting it off, and did not buy it until today. *hangs head low in shame* I have hinted mum to buy me a sewing machine for my birthday. So lets hope that I get it. :D

I have some ideas cooking up in my head for my Skit project, and that was as far as I went as far as Skit project is concerned. My Skit project will be of a thriller genre. It kind of requires a lot of research, but I will try my best to not chicken out of it. Will update you about the projects again, hopefully soon.

Now, I would like to write about changes, and the choices we make as a human being, and the consequences that it leads to.

You know how I am always unhappy, and stressed out about work? (of course you do, 50% of my blog entries are about my woes and agony concerning my work. Sorry. :s)

I am always complaining about work, and yet I have done nothing to change it. I tried fooling myself every morning before going to work, that I LOVE this job, that it is not so bad, but everytime I do so, I would end up at the same spot I always do, and that is in front of my PC, wanting to cry at work. Yes, it is that bad.

I know that complaining about it will not change the wrecked state that I am in. So, I did something to end the woes once and for all.

I resigned.

It took a lot of courage and reassurance for me to do so. I mean it is a big change and it really is scary, what’s with people’s expectations and people depending on us. It is worrying to think that I’m taking the exit off this career highway that might have been good for me, and that this decision is a bad call for me.

But I believe that I am still young, I still have my whole life ahead of me, and I should explore all the possibilities of the choices that will make me feel happy and contented, instead of being stuck here.

Of course the sudden loss of steady income worries me, but, letting my paychecks determine my happiness is not the road I want to go down on. But still, I am (ashamed to admit that I’m) attached to it and it really is a scary thing to let go of. But I have let it go anyway, and I’m starting to feel glad that I did. :)

Life, it all comes down to what makes you happy and feel like you have served a purpose in life. If you like what you do, and it makes you happy, and it feeds your soul, then by all means, do it. If you don’t then don’t do it. Life is for living anyways.

If we’re too stressed to even admire the beauty around us, to feel the sweet smelling cool breeze after it just rained, to rejoice love and laughter, then maybe we need to reassess what we are living for.

This will be some sort of an experiment I will conduct upon my life.

Problem : Unhappy with life/work
Solution : changing the way I live to diminish the cause of unhappiness
Hypothesis : Changing the ways of life will make me happier
Variable : Career choice, way of living.
Result : ___________

I will update again with the turnout of this event maybe in 3 month’s time, and really, I REALLY hope that I can say “Thank God I quit my job”.

p.s: does anyone know a career where I can travel and write and make a living out of it? If you do, let me know. Hehehe.

Change: Project Skew and Project Skit.

2010-09-21T08:27:00.007+08:00

I have been feeling down in the dumps lately, for some unknown reasons, i feel like i haven't been living my live. i feel like i have been just drifting to wherever the wind and the current takes me. just floating in the sea of uncertainty and possibility without me taking charge of it.

but then, I started reading my past blog entries, about my manic preparation to get a job, application to universities, IELTS test, about my woes of being in a long distance relationship, and such (i'm a whiner, my blog entries consists mostly whines. I'd like some cheese to go with that whine please. ha-ha. ok. dah la pinjam YM punya emoticon, pastu tak kelakar.-_-).

And then i realize, hey, I have achieved what i worked hard for.

I graduated, with a satisfactory CGPAs.

I have got a job.

I got a satisfactory IELTS result.

I secured a spot at several universities in the UK.

and I am still in a loving relationship.

*chastising self for being too hard on self*

I mean, hey, I have got tonnes of reason to not sulk and be grateful yes? I have got reasons to give myself a pat on the back yes? *pats self on back*. takdelah clueless sangat.

According to this poster my dear wise friend posted on facebook, being happy is easy. If you're not happy, just change what you're doing. I dont know why i have been sulking and moping around feeling like such an under achiever, but THAT is gonna change.

Ok, so I have been saying that i haven't been achieving anough, I have been saying that I want to learn something, that I want to achieve something, and I like fashion and clothes.(and shoes. hehe)

So, why not learn how to sew?? :D I know now, that i can be whatever i want to be. I just have to put my mind into it(now, THAT would be the hardest part about this challenge, but I'm determined to make this one work).

Let's call this project the "Skewing project". It means to distort the monotony of my life now, and to break free from the dullness that frustrates me so much, and push that barrier harder, to distort it further. hence the name of the project "Skew". (padahal dapat from memendekkan "ska sewing" jadi skewing. pastu nak go all konon philosophical. -_-. sorry, dah terbiasa mcm ni, because all the architectural project concept presentation I did. I had to explain why my concept is "connection" and had to turn it into an explanation of how "connection" means so many levels integrations. integration between man and nature, man and man, building and nature, building and surrounding, and such and such. sudahnya concept tinggal ciput je, and kena stretch my explanation a bit, supaya the design fulfill my concept. haha. eh, macam dah lari topic je?)

So anyway, that's one project I want to do.

lagi satu, I LOVE writing. so i might want to get into that also. let's challenge myself to write a novel. Let's call it the "Skit project". (ok so i got the name from ska+write minus the w,r and e. I can go on and explain how metaphorically sebenarnya it represents how my life is a parody and i want to break free from that. tapi i wont go into details, as i wont get my point across anyway, and will only come across as a douche)

So I will get one of those count dount app thingy on my blog, and post my progress here and such. (so that i can look back and say "hah. i got this far/didn't get anywhere at all")

So, this post marks the launch of Project Skew and Project Skit.

Let's look back after a year. Good luck ska.

xx

nauseating love note for dearest other half.

2010-09-12T17:41:00.007+08:00

The other day, i went to see "Going the Distance" with dearest other half.

It was a chick flick, but surprisingly not sappy, quite witty, and all in all, was a good movie.

So anyway, it was a story about 2 people in a long-distance relationship. One in San Fransisco (kot), and one in LA (kot).

I can so relate to this because i have been in a long distance relationship with dearest other half (DOH for short)for over a year now. I have been having a relationship with his voice, facebook, ym and bbm, without actually being able to see each other for over a year.

My relationship with DOH is even worse because well, one, we are not even in the same continent, and two, the KL - Manchester time difference is 8 hours, which means, when my day ends, his starts, when his day ends, mine starts. We have minimum time for interaction, if not none at all.

BUT.

I am so lucky to have Adam as my DOH. He is still somehow calling me 3 times a day. before he sleeps (thats about when i go to work), when he wakes up (that grey area after i get off work and before i get busy with house chores), and before i go to bed. and he calls me to just hear me complain about work, to just tell me what he had for lunch, and ask me what i am having for dinner, what he had to do in class, what i had to do at the office. just shallow mindless crap. But those exact mindless crap is exactly what we want to hear from each other anyway. I dont know about him but, for me, those craps makes me feel as though im a part of his life, even when he is so far away. and in away, it is those mindless crap that glue our relationship together. And, anyway we are wayyy over "you hang up first, no you hang up first, nooo, you hang up first, i love you, no, i love you more, no i love you more more. no, i love you infinity"*barf* phase anyway. hehehe.

and i am so grateful for those phone calls.

another issue with long distance relationship, is of course trust issues. There obviously will be a "WTF??!!" moment every once in a while in a long distance relationship, because well, you will find out through his facebook, (hacked)email, or twitter mentions(my DOH buta twitter, so that doesnt apply to me, thank god, one less social network page for me to stalk) before he had the chance to tell you to explain the un-wtf-ness of the situation you wtf-ed about.I had one of those, concerning one other girl. But i trust my DOH, so i trust what he told me, and his explanation. (and also because i confronted the girl about it. dear Girl, if you are reading this, I'm so sorry for the blow up. :( )

and i am sooo grateful for the trust we have between us.(well, kalau bukan on my part pun, trust on HIS part -_-)

there was a line in the movie that kind of made me think.

"We see each other once in 3 months. that's not a relationship!"
(or something like that tak berapa ingat)

screw that. I see DOH once a year, and it is still a relationship. A strong one.

Dearest other half,

You are wonderful.
You are sweet.
You are understanding.
You are kind.
You are smart
You are funny.
You are lovely.
You are caring.
You are loyal.
You are driven.
You are patient.
You are compassionate.
You are honest.
You are respectful.
You are humble.
You are generous and giving.
You are never arrogant.
You are never judgmental.
You are never hypocritical.
You are good looking.
You are the opposite pole of my magnet.
You have one of the most beautiful soul.

You would do anything for me. You would be my listener. You would be my encyclopedia. You would be my shoulder to cry on.

You are the one i want to be with.

I love you. :)

p.s: you are sometimes insensitive, but i love you anyway. hehehe.

Malaysia - Indonesia (again)

2010-09-06T09:55:00.003+08:00

image: photobucket.com, syahmiyummy

First and foremost I would like to state firmly, that this is not a post about bashing either countries, people who stumbles across this post hoping that, will be disappointed, but I beg of you to read along. This might just change your perceptions.

I am Indonesian by nationality, I live in Malaysia, but proud as I am of where I come from, I am just a human being, and I refuse to be determined by my nationality or where I live in, for I believe humanity goes way beyond geographical boundaries.

I have had my say about these issues before, and I will try to voice my views as long as this issues still go on, because that is the least I can do. To say something, and hope to God, that it will bring some good.

It saddens me tremendously that these issues don't seem to reach its end. It saddens me that the fight is fought without seeing (or refusing to see) that there, in fact is, no issues at all, and mostly, it saddens me that people are so quick to jump on the "I wanna hate each other, I don't quite see the reason, but dammit! I hate them!" wagon.

Now, I would like to state my opinion on the "stealing and claiming" one's culture issues(because it seem to be one of the leading cause of the feud), in the hope of shedding some light that no such issue exists. Before Malaysia and Indonesia were formed(countries are after all just a determination of boundary lines of what belongs to which) the cultures have already been around. And seeing that both countries are located near each other, isn't it just logical that both shares some similar cultures? Some old folks songs, traditional games and costumes, and language. And seeing that way back then people travel back and forth both countries to berdagang, it is only logical that both countries swap some cultures with each other. I mean, isn't that how Islam traveled too? The idea of a country claiming a culture is therefore prespostorous, and almost childish. Oh, and if its about the Kecak dance, the faults lie on a certain tv channel, and they have apologized on the matter.

And about some people treating other people from other nationalities badly, please, those characteristics do not reflect the countries I love so much. Indonesians are one of the politest people I know. They smile and greet you, even if you are a stranger, they are always keen to offer a helping hand should you need one. The same can be said about Malaysians. Malaysians, coming from a culturally diverse country that it is, are the most tolerant people I know. They are friendly, and these beatings of TKI, unfortunate as they were, does not reflect Malaysians. I am an Indonesian, and I have been treated perfectly well here. My siblings are Malaysians, and they were treated perfectly well the last time they were in Indonesia. They even made some new Indonesian friends. Now, if we were to start treating each other badly, cursing each other, ridiculing each other, wouldn't that just tarnish the name of our beloved countries? wouldn't that call for wrong perceptions by other people about the real us? Why should we let the actions of a certain party cloud our views of Indonesia/Malaysia? Why should we listen to people telling us to hate each other? Isn't the world already a messed up place without prejudices from our parts? Isn't racism a crime of humanity?

NOBODY is determined by one's nationality or race.

My Malaysian readers, a certain party may have clouded and distorted the views of Indonesians about Malaysians, and somehow caused them to react negatively to you, but trust me on this, those are not how the real Indonesians are. My Indonesian readers, a certain people in Malaysia may have treated you badly, but I promise you, that does not reflect the real Malaysians.

I do not know what is the real issue behind this propaganda masked in the form of "nationalism". But I still stand my grounds. I still refuse to be prejudiced. I still refuse to generalize. I still refuse to be racist. And I still believe that both Indonesians and Malaysians are way better than what is portrayed of them these days.

Hatred really is a strong emotion, it will cloud your perspectives, and fogs your views and stops you from seeing the real picture.

if you have to hate, hate on all the right reasons.

Hate prejudices.
Hate racism.
Hate hatred.
Hate on anything that may divide us.

We have all seen what a war can do to a nation. Now, is that really what we wish for ourselves? For our loved ones? For our countries?

I wish none of that.
I wish peace.
I VOTE PEACE.

How about you?

image: Katey Puley, Flickr.

taboo.

2010-08-27T12:52:00.005+08:00

image: electric949.com

ok, true to its title, this entry would be somewhat sensitive to some. This is just my opinion, and it is not intended to spark hatred whatsoever. And if you have a clean, mature opinion, please share it with me, for my opinion could be severely mistaken.

I live in Malaysia. A multi-cultural country. A country so rich with cultures and diverse ethnicity, a lovely, peaceful country to live in.

However, it is rather filled with taboo subjects, especially, subjects concerning religions. This is I suspect, because being a culturally diverse country,there are so many religions in Malaysia, people just stay out of the way of other's religion topics, so as to not "step on anyone's toe". and so, the topic religion is rarely spoken of.

It is a hush-hush topic, and so, because it is a hush hush topic, and it is rarely spoken of, of course, people start to make assumptions about other religions, and taking everything just based on hear-say, and sometime, the hear-say is not from a valid source. just words passed mouth to mouth. and of course, with no valid source, words can easily be twisted and distorted, to be so far away from the truth.

and this will cause misunderstanding.

For example, the crucifix form. the cross. My muslim readers, have you ever been in Sinma, for example, and looking through necklaces, and found a necklace with a cross-shaped pendant, and finding yourself shying away from it? Like you're not supposed to come in contact with it at all?

The question is why do you do so? True, it is a mark of Christianity. but, so what? what is so bad about that?

We have our faith, they have theirs. We know what we believe in, they do too. and if we do not believe in crosses, why do we fear it so? if we believe, and have faith that it is just a shape representing what Christians believe in, why do we shy away from it?

Same goes with churches. Why are we so afraid to cross the threshold of a church? Isn't it just a building, determined by walls and boundary lines? does it not stand on God's earth? Is it not believed to be rumah Tuhan? the House of God? if the argument is "its THEIR God's house" then, wouldn't that mean that YOU're the one believing that there are Other except Him? Nauzubillah.

I do believe the in existence of God, and that He is the only one, and if He is the only one, wouldn't that mean that we are supposed to believe that there is none, but Him?

and if there is none but Him, why do the concept of religion even exist? because if everybody believes in God. and there is none but Him. wouldn't that mean we believe in the same thing? just in a different way? and wouldn't that mean that the concept of religion is just some sort of labeling?

Have you ever found yourself labeling others as "kafir"? Have you ever stopped to think, what the word means? or did you just label them so because they were not born in a Muslim family, and taught his/her whole life the muslim ways? How vain are we to even think that way?

From Wikipedia

Kafir (Arabic: كافر kāfir; plural كفّار kuffār) is a term used in a Islamic doctrinal sense, usually translated as "unbeliever" or "disbeliever", or sometimes "infidel". The term refers to a person who rejects God or who hides, denies, or "covers" the truth.

The non-believer, disbeliever, a person who denies the truth. Lets focus on the word "denies the truth". To be able to deny the truth, one must KNOW the truth first. In this sense, actually, those who do not know the truth, CAN'T be Kafirs. because how can you deny something you do not know? so, who do you think are the Kafirs? yeah, that's right. it's those who know the truth, but deny it. aint that right?

Now, how do WE even know that One is denying the truth, to be able to lable someone kafir? what? because they're, as we always soooo conveniently put it, melakukan Maksiat? But lets step back and reasess ourselves. What if, WHAT IF, by melakukan maksiat, they feel the remorse, they feel bad and they repent?

now, compare THAT to us, acting so all mighty, going around judging people. feeling smug, and pious, and that we cant do no wrong. Isn't that Riya'? isn't that Takabbur?

We can't judge people, and you know why? because we weren't made to be able to judge people. one is because, we are not perfect, and that we live by the mercy of God. our actions are by the mercy of God. ALL OF IT. if we did good, its by the mercy of God, so how can we be all smug about it? its not even our own doing.

Two is because we weren't made to judge. ok, the technical term would be, we weren't programmed(to really understand this, go here)that way. we are not just. we are biased. we have preferences. we have likes and dislikes. we do not know the truth, other than those that we are made aware of. we do not know what's inside one's head, or hearts.

So in the spirit of One Malaysia (I'm not even Malaysian, but i'm definitely Pro-Unity) let's leave the judging to the Almighty, and why dont we try to understand and tolerate each other? because after all, wasnt it stated so?

"And We have revealed to you, [O Muhammad], the Book in truth, confirming that which preceded it of the Scripture and as a criterion over it. So judge between them by what Allah has revealed and do not follow their inclinations away from what has come to you of the truth. To each of you We prescribed a law and a method. Had Allah willed, He would have made you one nation [united in religion], but [He intended] to test you in what He has given you; so race to [all that is] good. To Allah is your return all together, and He will [then] inform you concerning that over which you used to differ." [Qur'an 5:48]

peace.

image: sidint.net

wants and needs.

2010-08-17T09:21:00.005+08:00

image:imagecache2.allposters.com

I'm Sati Sekar.

I'm 24.

And i still don't know what i want to do in life.

I studied architecture for 4 years, and have been a junior architect for almost a year now, and i have the skills needed to work in the field. But that is not what I want to do in life. and i'm quite certain of it.

I do not want to spend my life doing things that do not make me contented and happy inside. However, i am aware that i need to make a living.

I want to be able to spend my time with my loved ones. I want to live my life. not just to exist.

I want to wake up in the morning(not feeling like P.Diddy hahaha.) without that dreading feeling that, oh man, i have to leave my happy place to go somewhere i dont want to be, to be able to make a living, to be able to just exist.

because, really, what is the point?

I want to wake up in the morning, feeling happy, and contented.

I want to be able to make a lot out of myself, instead of being drained for the things I dont want to be doing.

I want to read, I want to learn a lot, I want to make my own clothes, I want to grow my own vegetables, make my own butter, hatch my own eggs, bake my own cookies and bread, make my own jam and marmite, make my own syrup.

I want to spend the lovely afternoon sitting by the window, reading books, the wind blowing softly, the sun-ray coming through the window.

I want to be able to offer my kids warm lemonade when its raining cats and dogs outside of the window.

I want to be able to help them with their homework, and cuddle with them and watch horror movie once they're done.

I want to spontaneously dance the chicken dance with them for no reasons at all.

I want to greet my husband with a smile on my face, and hot home-made dinner, and being able to listen about his day. Instead of flopping down on the sofa with him, both exhausted from work, barely having any energy left, to even talk.

I want to tuck my kids in, and read them bed time stories, and once they're grown up, i want to be a part of their lives. I want to be someone they know will always be there for them.

I want to detach myself from that huge clinging needs of money. and just be happy and LIVE, not just exist.

I think being able to do all those things would be so wonderful.

I'm Sati Sekar.

I'm 24.

I want to do all those things i have said above.

I need to start figuring out how to be able to do that.

Maysaa, black, white and in between

2010-08-15T17:38:00.009+08:00

so, during the holiday, i had a little bit fun shooting. i have always known it, but really seeing it infront of me, really made me see that I really love black. I rarely do colors. For me, i like my clothes the way i like my buidling, minimalist, hence the color black,grey,white, maybe navy and dark purple. (and a little bit of color here and there to stop my friends from nagging, and for me to stop feeling like darth vader. heeehee). so here it is, the outcome of the photo shoot. :)
p.s: and yes, the grey dress, black maxi skirt, and the scarf is from Maysaa.(im kind of obsessed with it. very sleek. kind of like the modest-ified Calvin Klein) :)

that feeling.

2010-07-21T16:52:00.004+08:00

image:flickr.com

I'm sorry blog readers(if there's any haha) I'm affraid I'm becoming increasingly self-centered that this blog only serves as some sort of self reminder of things God made me see/feel at a certain time. hehe. maybe someday I'll write something amusing again. you can go here for interesting pieces to read. (warning: lots of words, little to no pictures, requires thinking). ok.

So, the other day, Alhamdulillah, God made me feel soo at peace, and MasyaAllah, it is so wonderful, and beautiful. I don't quite know how to put it in writing, but if i were in front of you i would probably make silly sounds like "haaaaaaaaaa" and "weeeee" to describe it(yes, trust ska to ruin it)(-_-"). I've never been high before, but i think, MAYBE, it is some kind of a high, only more, more beautiful and peaceful. (haih. susahnya nak explain. hahaha)

So, anyway, the feeling lasted for a day or two, and then, it is gone again. and of course, being me, i found something to blame it on other than myself.

and i blamed it on kelalaian(negligence).

I've been so caught up, and upset over this trait of human who is always so lalai (negligent), that makes me always end up somewhere not close to God.(and hence, far away from that peaceful feeling i had trouble explaining about just now).

But today, Alhamdulillah, God had granted me this understanding that, kelalaian is not only a trait in human being. it is also a small,small, dugaan(trial) in life. and just like other trials, we have to fight it.

And of-course being away from God, i've sinned more than when i am close to Him, and being me, again, I am all caught up and upset over it, but today, AGAIN, God made me see something (on Facebook, His guidance is everywhere) that soothed me. He is the MOST MERCIFUL.

He said: "My Lord! Verily, I have wronged myself, so forgive me." Then
He forgave him. Verily, He is the Oft-Forgiving, the Most Merciful..16:surah al-qasas.

and so here i am, a humble slave, counting her blessings, and asking for His forgiveness, hoping to someday, be so close to Him, that negligence is not in her TOP list of trial.( though come to think of it, I should be grateful that negligence is the one at the top of my list of trial, not something worse. *scolds self for being ungrateful*. but then again God is the most merciful, and He will not try us with something we can not handle.)

chicken soup for the soul

2010-07-21T16:16:00.002+08:00

something that touched me deep down, and made me go "aaaaaaahhhh" and made me weep a bit

This is the lyric with English translation.(hanks Hajar :) )

Fi Laylatin Minal Layal Lastu Adri Ma'tarani
Zulmatun Taghrumuni Ya Rab
Al-Ardhu Daqat Wassama' Wa Qalbi Ma Arafud Dhiya'
Wad Dam'u Bata Yabki Ya Ilahi

Ya Ilahi Ya Ilahi
Ya Ilahi Ya Ilahi

Asaytu Waz Zanbu Kabir
Wa Inni Fi Huzni Asir
Muqayyadun Bizanbi Ya Rab
Fahal Yastahiqqu Ya Ilahil Afwa Mujrima
Muqirrun Biz Zunubi Ya Ilahi

Ya Ilahi Ya Ilahi
Ya Ilahi Ya Ilahi

Antal Lazi Khalaqtani Rahimtani Wa Razaqtani
Dauman Ya Rabbi Qad Kunta Ma'i
Lakinnani Naaitu Anka Nasitu Ma Qad Kana Lak
Wa Sirtu Fi Toriqi Ya Ilahi

Ya Ilahi Ya Ilahi
Ya Ilahi Ya Ilahi

Wal Yaum Ya Rabbi A'ud Min Zulmatin Khalfal Hudud
Fal Qalbu Munkasirun Wa Torofi Hair
Wa Anal Ghariqu Fala Ara Illa Siwaka Liy Munqiza
La Manja Wa La Manja Illa Anta

Ya Ilahi Ya Ilahi
Ya Ilahi Ya Ilahi

--------------------------------------

In one of the nights,
I dont know what happened to me,
Darkness Covered me O my Rabb,
The earth has been narrowed, and (also) the sky,
and my heart haven't know the light,
And tears stayed, crying O my Ilaah

Ya Ilahi 3x

I committed a big sin,
And I am inside my sadness a captive,
Chained by the sin O my Rabb,
Does the sinner deserve forgiveness, O my Ilaah

I admit my sins, O my Ilaah
You are the one who created, mercied and blessed me,
All the time you were with me, O my Rabb.
However, I went far away from you and forgot your rights,
And waked on my way, O my Ilaah.

And today O my Rabb,
I come back from a darkness beyond the boundaries,
The heart is broken and my sight is confused.
Ang I am sinking and see no one but you to rescue me,
No help except you,
O my Ilaah, O my Ilaah

Lyrics compiled by Wewr.

Hijjab.

2010-07-10T10:23:00.004+08:00

Salam all,

All this while, when people ask me why I decided to cover up my answer was just “because of God”, because that REALLY was the only reason I did it in the first place.

God loves His servants, more than we can ever imagine. He is the most merciful. He always puts me back on His track. Always. No matter how many times i defy Him, when i seek, He always lets me see, Alhamdulillah, and how can I keep on turning my back on His Hidayah?

I love God, and by finally covering up, I am just doing what was asked of me. It was also a mark of me surrendering all of me to God. That’s it. I never questioned, or wondered why I was asked to do so, nor have I actually reallygrasped the beauty of the concept of covering up, or modesty.

Until recently.

One of the Hijabis I look up to, Hana Tajima Simpson(this is going to get my blog hits from google by those looking for Hana’s blog again. Haih. -_-. ) says this in her interview with The Independent.

"Islam has a really amazing definition of beauty, Hijab is about how a woman can be beautiful without placing overt emphasis on her sexuality"

And finally something clicked, light bulb and all.

All this while, I consider myself “sacrificing” my beauty for my love of God, and I have been thinking it all wrong, Astaghfirullah, may God forgive my ignorance.

Covering up is actually really beautiful. The idea of making your beauty exclusive, and that no stranger can see your beauty, makes you priceless, and as my wise close friend, Hajare puts it, it protects us from men treating us like a sex-object, ecstatic pleasure, image driven 'girls' oogling us freely. We can actually go through crowds practically invisible. We need not worry about getting groped, whistled at like a dog, or stared at.

And it is not just the idea of covering up. It is the whole concept of modesty. Of how you should lower your glances, of how you don’t wear something that will draw attention towards yourself and how you look. I just really love the idea of how you can walk the street practically invisible. And by lowering my glance I can think that no one is looking at me, or can see me at all, for that matter. You know, like when you were in a hide and seek game when you were little, if you cant see them, they cant see you.

I’m really not good with words, so I don’t really know how to put it, but I find the whole idea of walking in public unnoticed really beautiful. You don’t have to care about other’s perception towards you, and right there and then, its just you, your thoughts and God. Nobody to impress, no material things to worry about. Just contentment and peaceful bliss.

Yesterday, the wonderful Hajare Aman Shah of blockspotted.blogspot.com, came up with a wonderfully beautiful video project for the HRC (Hijjab Roundup Campaign), and it strengthened further my feelings towards the beauty of modesty.

May God bless your efforts Hajare.

So, here it is ladies and gentlemen, the much spoken of video, of the HRC campaign. Hopefully, it touches you as much as it touched me. InsyaAllah.

reminder

2010-06-23T13:01:00.002+08:00

image: http://syafiqnawawi.files.wordpress.com

I'm a muslimmah. i have been one since i was 9, however, only have been a real Muslimmah since a year ago. Alhamdulillah, Allah had given me hidayah, and made me see all the hidayah he had given me, which, sadly, i couldn't see before. And from that moment on, i decided to devote myself to Him.

However, as a human being, i slip. a lot. On many occasions, i fail to become a good servant of God as i have always intend myself to be. and on those occasions, and please do not take this as me bragging, i feel very disturbed, like everything was going wrong. and sadly, I ignore that nagging feelings.

However, God loves His servants, more than we can ever imagine. He is the most merciful. He always puts me back on His track. Always. No matter how many times i defy Him, when i seek, He always lets me see, Alhamdulillah. and, when i see the truth, MasyaAllah, it is the most wonderful feeling in the world. like something had been lifted off your shoulders, and all you can feel is just bliss, and contentment.

This world has a way of making you see only material goodness, and making you forget that your priority is serving God. Always fight back, and seek for the truth. Seek, and you shall find. InsyaAllah.

Take it from me, it is never too late to repent. God loves those who always cleanse themselves and repent, the most.

Dont believe me? try it for yourself, just cleanse yourself by taking a wudu', and sincerely, ask Him to show you the true way, and just kind of surrender yourself to Him. InsyaAllah, He will let you feel it. and believe me, everything in the world that you sacrifice for that will be worth it. Because, MasyaAllah, nothing can ever make you any happier than the feeling of being close to Allah. :)

plagiarism.

2010-06-22T12:36:00.002+08:00

image: www.pharmainfo.net

Today i will talk about a topic so close to everyone's hearts; plagiarism.

Everyone must have done it AT LEAST once in their lives. Be it copy pasting an assignment, not quoting other people's quotes when using it, copying someone else's concept masa design, and banyak lagi. I only did yang the first one tu a couple of times sebab terpaksa, and will never do so again, because, i know better now, since i have experienced it first hand. banyak kali. -_-

I have had people copying my blog, and putting it on theirs and that said people claimed it to be hers(made her put the post down), i have had people copying my design concept word by word, because i left my 2 page design concept essay lying around in the studio, i have had people copying my quotes, i even had people copying my info on facebook. if you think THAT is weird, think again. Recently, i came across someone on facebook who copied my facebook statusses.

And you know what? and im sure many wont agree to this, it hurt, because no matter how unimportant it is, it is mine.

It hurt because i know, the people who copied my idea/writing/status/info thought of making people think that the said idea/writing/status/info was theirs. that they thought of it themselves, when they did not.

My close friend said "biasa la tu, orang copy orang lain punya status or get it from google and out it in their statusses", but i couldn't understand that because i do not do that! I have too much pride to claim something that is not mine to be mine. When i see some interesting quotes and would like to share it with everyone else, i let people know that it is not mine, and that i did not think of that myself.

And this is just me. Some puny unimportant people whose idea is seriously not worthy of being plagiarized pun. just imagine other brilliant peoples whose ideas senang senang je kena ciplak word by word. Imagine how THEY feel. I yang kena copy stupid statusses pun dah mengamuk tak pasal pasal, imagine their feeling when their ideas yang took them a lifetime to come up with orang lain claimed as theirs.

This is just me venting out my anger on my blog, but people, for the sake of everything that is pure, have some pride in yourselves, and stop claiming things that are not yours to be yours.

Stealing is stealing, regardless of whether what you steal is a physical thing, or ideas.

Now, are YOU a thief?

feeling grateful

2010-05-27T12:25:00.003+08:00

i was supposed to write about being humble, but since i feel so strongly about this issue, im writing about this instead.

It is payday today, and as a junior architect, im being paid nuts. and yet I'm still so happy about it, and it got me thinking, will i still be feeling the same way about the same amount of money when I'm earning, say, ten times the amount that i do now?

Do you remember when you were smaller, and RM 10 seemed like a LOT, and now it just doesn't seem like a big deal anymore? (my currency, wasn't in RM tapi alah.. sama je) and fair enough, the value of money changes through time, but still, the principle is the same, once you are able to have more than what you have before, you lose a little of that sense of gratefulness of the smaller amount you used to have.

Say, u get paid 2k every month and you feel like the king of the world on pay day, but fast forward to 10 years later, when you are earning about 20k per month, 2k may seem like pennies(bukan penis. ha-ha. funny.), while for some,mungkin 2k is what they need to make ends meet and to survive at all.

malah ada yang for some, it is a luxury to even be getting 1k per month(bukan spoiled brat yang the allowances RM 700 per month, who thinks that it's not enough and say "yeah 1k is a luxury" ye. think homeless people, people living in slums, beggars and so on)

and so the revelation of the day is "be grateful that u don't have a lot, because when u don't have a lot, u will be grateful of every little thing u have". because if you have a lot, chances are, you will forget how precious the smallest things are. and once you stopped feeling grateful, nothing is ever enough.

So, people, do not ever lose that sense of gratefulness of the smallest things you have, because there are probably other people looking at you thinking of how good you have got it while you are too busy being sad about all the thing you don't have.

the age old question, what is beauty?

2010-05-25T12:31:00.003+08:00

i was watching Oprah the other day, and the topic of the day was beauty and it touched on the subject of plastic surgery.

i don't mean to be judgmental in any way, but the length to which people would go to look beautiful is just astonishing.

people would actually go through gruesome procedures to grow an inch and a half taller(yes, you can grow taller by plastic surgery). if it were done for medical conditions, i can totally understand, but being the squeamish chicken that i am, risky operations (and i saw the operations, trust me, it was scary) is a pretty high price (bukan literally. oh well literally la jugak) to pay to just look pretty(kalau u lose ur ability to walk all together sia sia je), tapi to each their own la kan.

and by the way, at which point do you stop? when you're perfect, and you dont look like you anymore? tapi it is never perfect isnt it? because once u r not happy with yourself, there is always that one thing yang u wish to change about yourself. "my eyes could be bigger,smaller,more oval,more slanted upwards, rounder", "my waist could be smaller" "my legs could be leaner, longer, smoother," "my toenails could be more square, pinker, rounder" and it will never stop.

and this got me thinking. what are people basing their surgeries on? whose idea of "beauty" is it yang they follow? and if there is any general definition of beauty at all. or is it just mass media feeding us ideas of what THEY think as beautiful, and we follow?

and anyway, why the hell is it so shallow anyway? i do ask myself sometimes of what makes a person beautiful and you know what? i answer, people with translucent skin, doe eyes, high cheekbone, and thick flowy hair. see how shallow i am? it is people like me who causes people like them to drive themselves to feel they dont look good enough and that they need plastic surgery.

is beauty just a physical feature after all? or is it skin deep? and if it is skin deep, you know,inner beauty kind of thing, then why is it only good looking (again, what is the definition of good looking? and what makes us think that a certain feature looks good?) people yang labelled as beautiful?

is it just maths after all? you know the old theory that says, the more symmetrical your facial features are, the more beautiful you are?

is it chemistry? mungkin these people we think beautiful, release some sort of chemical to the air, and attract us to them?

do we have a general understanding of what is beautiful which everybody agree on? or does it differ according to culture, and way of life?

what is it? what is the definition of beauty?

what is your definition of beauty? tell me.

no, tell me, seriously.

consumerism.

2010-05-20T13:15:00.003+08:00

consumerism is scary. it makes you want things you don't actually need.

for instance, you have a roof over your head, decent clothing, a decent car, 3210 cell phone, line phone, PC & internet connection, a TV set, and you can afford food.

you should be happy as a clown right? you have all the basic necessity covered right?

WRONG. VERY WRONG.

you may have a link terrace house roof over your head, but you will want a condominium-with-a-swimming-pool-and-a-gym-which-you-dont-use-but-u-want-anyway-because-it-sounds-awesome roof on your head. succeeding to have that, you will want to have a-bungalow-with-10-rooms-and-a-swimming-pool-and-also-a-fire-place roof over your head because its awesome-er than what you have now.

you may have a decent clothing you wear, but the moment someone comes over clad in Guess or LV or Prada or Calvin Klein or tah apa lagi out there, you will want that too. and when you ask yourself why, you cant find a good enough answer.

you may have a 3210 cell phone which functions perfectly for calls and messages, but the moment that jerk ass friend waves his new i-phone/blackberry/whateverphonewithpolyphonicringtone infront of your face, why, you will want that too. when the fact is, you survived just fine with what you had.

same thing applies with everything else. you want something yang society tells you as something you really need. and in my opinion, we want all these craps because they exist in the first place. manufacturers are smart. they feed on our wants and greeds for something that looks better than something we already have. they know that we are a sucker for that kind of things, and that somehow we need to prove ourselves superior than other people. and they feed us this crap that makes us think that it makes us a better person to own something which is more expensive, more modern, more cutting edge, more more more more.. than everybody else. when everything is just plain greed.

as the Budhism teaches its followers, it is stated in the 2nd (of 4) noble of truth that the cause of suffering is infact desire or craving, and ignorance. ignorance to i wont touch la sebab its not the topic of the day.

so this is what i got from zenguide.com

CRAVING
"is the deep-seated desire that all living beings have for the pleasures of the senses, and for life itself. For instance, people always seek to enjoy good food, entertainment and pleasant company. Yet none of these can give them complete and lasting satisfaction. After the fine meal has been eaten, the beautiful music heard and the pleasant company shared, one is still not content. One would like to enjoy these pleasures again and again, and for as long as possible.

People who desire to own many things also can never be fully satisfied too. Like children in a toyshop, they crave all the attractive things they see around them. But like children, they soon become dissatisfied with what they already have and desire more. Sometimes, they can hardly eat or sleep until they get what they want. Yet when they succeed in getting what they want, they may still find their happiness short-lived. Many will be too worried for the safety and condition of their new possessions to enjoy it. Then when the object they possess eventually breaks into pieces and has to be thrown away, they will suffer its loss even more.

When we have obtained something we desire, we may want more and more of it, and so greed arises. Because of desire and greed, people will lie, cheat and steal to get what they want. Uncontrolled desires can also lead to addiction, for example, to smoking, drinking and overeating, all of which lead to suffering and cause mental and physical harm.

If another person prevents one from getting what is desired, one may feel anger towards that person. Desire, when obstructed, can lead to ill will and anger. This in turn can lead to harsh words, violent quarrels and even fights or killings. All this is suffering."

Consumerism is just that. it is something that feeds our wants and greeds.

Don't even get me started on the impacts it brings. It clearly highlights class differences and widen socioeconomic gaps since the use of the consumer goods is a display of class status(more suffering). Sadly, this had been going on since ancient times. just look at the lavish tombs of the Egyptian pharaohs and how it contrasts with the tombs of the kuli kuli and slaves.

now lets ask ourselves, do we really want to have a part in that?

SSK

Kai

2010-05-20T08:54:00.002+08:00

Yes Kai, i've put you on the map.

According to me.

2010-05-17T15:12:00.004+08:00

According to you
I'm stupid
I'm useless
I can't do anything right

According to you
I'm difficult
Hard to please
Forever changing my mind
I'm a mess in a dress
Can't show up on time
Even if it would save my life
According to you

But according to him
I'm beautiful, incredible
He can't get me out of his head
According to him
I'm funny,irresistible
Everything he ever wanted
Everything is opposite
I don't feel like stopping it
So baby tell me what I got to lose
He's into me for everything I'm not
According to you

According to you
I'm boring
I'm moody
You can't take me any place

According to you
I suck at telling jokes cause I always give it away
I'm the girl with the worst attention span
You're the boy who puts up with it
According to you
According to you

But according to him
I'm beautiful,incredible
He can't get me out of his head

I need to feel appreciated
like I'm not hated
Oh, no
Why can't you see me through his eyes?
It's too bad you're making me dizz-ay

According to me
you're stupid
you're useless
you can't do anything right

But according to him
I'm beautiful, incredible
He can't get me out of his head

i was listening to the radio and this song keluar. i went wtf. thats so me membebel kat adem(adem being the singer and me being the "you"). hahahahhaha.

sayang, i know ive said some pretty nasty things to you, and sometime (more often than not) meant it, tapi i loooooveeee you despite all that.

tapi you're just like Bob with more insensitive remarks and less clue.

and yeah according to me, you're still an insensitive ass. tapi i love you sangat. :D theeeheee.

Kyreel Khalid

2010-05-13T08:17:00.004+08:00

I wanted to copy paste this to your Facebook wall, but couldn't find your name. I keep on getting hits form Melbourne so I'm assuming that is you (I have told you numerous times to stop reading my blog because it contains only crap. However, since you keep on checking it out, here's a post for you)

You are a Grammar Nazi.

According to urbandictionary.com,

1.Grammar Nazi
Someone who believes it's their duty to attempt to correct any grammar and/or spelling mistakes they observe. Usually found hanging around Irc chatrooms hounding "n00bs".

2.Grammar Nazi
noun (pl. -s)
1. A person who uses proper grammar at all times, esp. online in emails, chatrooms, instant messages and webboard posts; a proponent of grammatical correctness. Often one who spells correctly as well.

2. a – A person who believes proper grammar (and spelling) should be used by everyone whenever possible. b – One who attempts to persuade or force others to use proper grammar and spelling. c – One who uses proper grammar and spelling to subtly mock or deride those who do not; an exhibitor of grammatical superiority. d – One who advocates linguistic clarity; an opponent of 1337-speak. e – One who corrects others' grammar; the spelling police.

proper noun
3. A nickname, pseudonym or handle for a well-known grammar nazi (defs. 1 and 2) within a particular social circle, used to show either great respect or great contempt for his or her abilities.

verb (transitive)
4. To correct the grammar of (a person's speech, a piece of writing, etc.); to edit for grammar and spelling; to proofread.
1. A grammar nazi knows the difference between "there," "their" and "they're."

2. Teh grammar nazis haev invadd r formu.

3. Grammar Nazi, help me with my English homework please.

4. He totally grammar nazied my article, replacing pronouns and rewriting clauses.

3. Grammar Nazi
To the previous poster. It is spelled grammar, not grammer.<< LOL!!!!
I know, I'm a grammar nazi
nazi communist facist spelling whore marc

4. Grammar Nazi
A captious individual who cannot resist the urge to correct a spelling and/or grammar mistake even in informal settings. After pointing out the linguistic shortcomings in others, a Grammar Nazi feels a strange sense of twisted and unconstructive intelligentsia delight.

In reality, they are making someone else feel bad for no reason and unintentionally implying that their "superior" grammar skills are all they have to show for a wasted liberal arts education.

While proper grammar usage is all well and good, a Grammar Nazi cavils even insignificant errors in English to somehow win an argument. Of course, rather than being genuinely persuasive in an argument, pointing out English errors is a weak attack only on the typist's credibility and never has any bearing on the underlying premises and assertions therein.

In other words, this is simply a disguised ad hominem argument which intelligent and logical people disregard.

Still, one should strive to spell and use words properly, but arrogant and unsolicited advice is not a very persuasive way to teach English.

Average High Schooler: So U R their in Britin, than?

Insecure English PhD (aka Grammar Nazi): I am in England studying here at Oxford, sir, and I prefer you talk to me only in Ye Olde Englishe like a good chap because language can never evolve.

Some High Schooler: LOL!!!!11 Hve fun nvr getting laid!1111!!!!

5.grammar nazi

A person who criticizes someone else's grammar, spelling, and/or punctuation, usually in an online setting. While they are often seen as uptight assholes who really need to get a life, it should be noted that they point out simple flaws that often show a lack of intelligence on the part of the person being criticized.
That grammar nazi's an ass, but he is right that you're stupid.

6.Grammar Nazi
A real grammer Nazi will understand this joke. :]
Person 1: I'm a grammer Nazi!

Person 2: No, you are not a grammar Nazi.

7.Grammar Nazi
A literate on a bad day. Usually found when said literate is in an irritable mood, or has dealt with too much illiteracy in a given time period.

When a literate is in Grammar Nazi mode, they are usually found correcting all sorts of typos & grammar and/or punctuation errors.
She was being a Grammar Nazi, correcting each & everyone one of his mistakes.

From encyclopediadramatica.com

"The standard response of the functionally illiterate when taken to task for their sins against the mother tongue is to label the offending party a Grammar Nazi. "Heil Grammatik" is a common saying for Grammar Nazi's. Everyone hates Grammar Nazis because they are the ultimate lulz killers."

You are a Grammar Nazi,
and so am I.

Your name is spelled "Khairil" not "Kyreel". Noob.

cycle

2010-05-11T09:33:00.002+08:00

a cycle will never stop.
it goes round and round and round.
and the only way to stop it is to break the cycle all together.

i feel strangely relieved.

wedding dress

2010-05-10T15:01:00.002+08:00

its a slow day to day at the office. oleh itu my mind is allowed to wander kesana sini.

yesterday, i went to my office mate's wedding at Selayang. (congratulations to the newly weds Isa and Aida!). and being an overthinker that i am, the wedding triggered lets-plan-my-wedding gland which releases some hormone which leads my brain to well, plan.

i want a small intimate wedding. one is because well, i wanna get married cepat, so the funding yang dikumpulkan to get married cepat will not suffice for the kind of wedding i have in mind. (think good food[no bukan nasi minyak and ayam merah and sirap whatever.] nak kata aku snobbish? fine katalah), twinkling fairy lights, lots of white roses(jasmine smells lovely, tapi mum kata mcm creepy. so ok. roses sudah) all over the place sampai kalau the guests baik pun they still smell like roses, good goodie bags for the guests. and abanyak lagi. im a very particular person (read: control freak). and a small wedding will allow me to focus on the smallest details. as they say the god is in the details. and reason number 2 is kalau i invite immediate family and close friends, i know the ceremony akan jadi sangat full of love. like "awwwwhh, everybody here loves meee. *bergenang air mata*" kind of atmosphere. that is what i want in my wedding. so say 200-250 people max.

oh me and future husband akan share one ceremony so takde belah laki belah perempuan thing. we're family. there should only be one belah.

so semalam i checked out several possible venues for wedding. hotel ballroom is out of the question. rumah juga out. halls juga out. i want an outdoor wedding. oleh itu haruslah buat malam. kalau tak, nanti i meragam sbb panas. so kalau malam ada tinkling fairy lights, trickling sound of water, lanterns, candles etc. sangat romantic. something like this

and banyak lagi. malas nak cari gambar. yang penting key point adalah:

-dim lights. glittering fairy lights and lanterns. and candles.
-scent of roses
-water feature(jangan hujan sudah)
-slow music. i think i prefer sundanese seruling.
-sit down 4(atau 3 depending on the money we're willing to blow) course dinner. tak payah gerak sana sini. sbb i sgt dont like buffets. kena beratur. hahaha.

ok next. wedding ring. i like rings with flat surface. mungkin something like this will do

tapi mine mcm banyak sangat bling je. ok. so something like that with a toned down bling. (adam is a lucky guy or what?)

pastu the guy's wedding attire. i takmo tux or coats or baju melayu. semak.

high collared like seen above. in white. and slacks. and shiny shoes. :D

my wedding dress is agak tricky. sbb i sgt particular, so tak jumpa anything like it dalam the web. i want to have flowy chiffon empire waist dress yang dia punya train meleret tak hengat. with flowy sleevs.

something Victorian-cut like the above would be nice. tapi made of materials as seen below.

pastu this is how i would wanna look like on my wedding day.

fresh faced, rosy cheeked bride.

TAPI sebab my eyes tak blue and my bone structer tak sharp, and my skin complexion is just horrid, id prolly cover up all my flaws guna make up and look like this.(u know, minus the high cheek bone, sharp eyes, and all-in-all kelawaan)

all smokey eyed, false shading and fake lashes. hahahah.

but this is like still soo far in the future.

for now im stuck in the fluorescent lit office. letting my mind wander.

exposed brick wall II

2010-05-10T12:53:00.004+08:00

agak agak this is how my room is gonna look like

yang dalam the last picture, the protruded out space at the top looks like a walk in closet. but its NOT. its actually bathroom, malas nak letak material berbeza masa buat drawing. hahahahahaha. and no, dalam toilet bukan timber strip flooring. i mandi bersepah. habis termites attack nanti.

however the brick shouldnt be brown in color i think. too overwhelming. perhaps sandy or white in colour. hmm.

p.s: do NOT judge my designing ability according to the uploaded presentation. i know its crap. hahahaha. alaaa nak forward to consultant je pun. agak2 diorg faham sudah. kalau nak render segala bagai baik hire me terus.(ok. sebenarnya im a pemalas. banyak je alasan.)

bare brick wall.

2010-05-09T22:08:00.002+08:00

attaching JPEG file of my room layout design(im designing my own room. i wont even pretend that i dont think its cool. *super wide annoying grin*) to mum as im typing this.

heehee.

timber strips floor finishes and barebrick wall. ahhh. cant wait to see how it turns out like. im super excited.

TAPI,

i went to the site (heehee, i just called my house yang tengah di construct "site") and the plastering is amazing. so smooth i almost felt like licking it.(i know im weird. the other day, soon after i hang up on my bf after yet another whining and bawling session with him, i look at my BB and felt like licking it because it was so tear drenched that i wonder whether my phone had turned salty. gross kan? haha.)

now im tempted to leave it as is. it almost look like bare concrete wall. timber strip and concrete wall finishes. super minimalism.

hmmm..

oh boy, oh boy, would you look at that. dont u just want that in your bedroom with some pop art pieces hanging on it? dont u? dont uuuu?? or maybe black and white photos of buildings hanging asymmetrically.

and then look at this one.

it feels very loft-y.and cosy. like when it is raining outside in the morning and you are all warm and snuggled up under your comforter, listening to the sound of rain, and breathing in the smell of freshly brewed coffee.

oh man. this is going to be tough.

style covered (title borrowed from Hana Tajima's blog)

2010-05-06T09:01:00.004+08:00

so i have two covered style icon.

numero uno would be Hana Tajima of http://www.stylecovered.com . she has wicked style. very elegant and chic and yet somehow, modest.
p.s: Hana if you're reading this, i LOVE you. and that suede grey laced up boots you're wearing. i cant wait for Maysaa's launch.

the second one would be Yuna Zarai. u know, the singer. her style is so fresh and young and just aweeesommee. she's able to pull off combat boots and trench coat and still rock her hijjab.

now, i just read on Hana's twitter that she would like to dress Yuna in Maysaa (Hana's clothing line) and perhaps collaborate.

i think it is superawesome but..
.
.
.
.

dont leave me out guys T_T (hahaha. seriously ska, who are you to even say that?)

perhaps you can use my expertise to design your boutique? i will not charge consultation fees, i promise.

ive designed a loft for Calvin Klein before when i was in the Uni, it was never built and Mr Klein never knew about it.. but still...

the above are the said loft(presentation is a bit of a mess. but in my defense,i did this one in only 2 days because i was in a hurry to get my portfolio done) .

let me know guys. no consultation fees. :D

(mcm diorg baca je my blog kan. *sigh*)

shame on me.

2010-04-30T16:20:00.003+08:00

so i hacked into mr boyfriend's YM (tapi since he told me his password, its not called hacking i suppose) because im just bored and all in all a psychotic person.

his friend's list is divided into several categories named "friends" "family" "UiTM" and so on..

i dont know why but i looked for my own name in his friend's list in "friends" category.(bukan cari chat history. see im not that psychotic after all). so i scrolled up and down his "friends" category, and couldnt find my name.

i was baffled. mana nama aku weyh? dah padam ke apa?(siap dah marah segala bagai masa ni)

so i clicked all his cathegories frantically, looking for my own name.

and there in the "family" category is my name along with his siblings.

.
.
.
.
.
.

and ashamed of myself, i hung my head low.

Dear sayang,

Im sorry T_T. I love u.

Love,
your psychotic neurotic girlfriend.

i'll just put that dunce hat and go stand in the corner.

btw

2010-04-22T13:51:00.003+08:00

looks like Sheffield has got to wait. permanent residency tak dapat lagi.

T_T

i promise i will make a good malaysian. so pleeeeeeeeeeassseeeee. i need my PR status. :(

just googled PR Malaysia. and everyone on google said that it is almost impossible to get.

great.

of religion, race and nationality.

2010-04-22T12:41:00.002+08:00

so me and Mr boyfriend (thanks for the post btw sayang, i was practically bawling at the office. ;) ) was discussing the happenings at his University. His society handled this gig at his university, and it was open to all, Malaysian or not. and the venue of the said gig just happen to be next to a bar.

and all hell broke loose.

there was another society claiming that the organizers of the gig provided alcohol during the event(which is not the case), and although the organizers of the gig had denied it, the society refused point blank to accept all the reasoning.

they came up with an open blog (which just about anyone and everyone with a modem has an access to) urging people to sign a petition that the malaysian student society come up with a strict regulation to prevent Alcoholic Consumption and Improper Social Behaviours (by this they mean making out, i suppose?)at Malaysian Events.

the niat is all and very well, but in MY opinion, i think instead of menyeru ke arah kebaikan, what they do is enforcing everyone to do what THEY think is the right thing to do(their method is rather questionable, because according to mr boyfriend, it borders on slanders, tapi takde kena mengena with me, so whatever la kan).

you see, what they keep on saying is that there shouldnt be any alcohol consumption and indecent behavior at MALAYSIAN event.

i know that it is Haram to consume alcohol in Islam, but, religion, race and nationality is just 3 different, DIFFERENT things. so what does it matter kalau there is a bar next to the venue of the event?

Plus, i think Islam is more than that. it is more than "Alcohol haram. you cant hold a gig next to a bar. u cant do this, u cant do that. u will go to hell". honestly, who are we to say that? we are just a lowly human. a servant of God. we know nothing, while God knows all.

and for me, whatever you do, it is REALLY between you and god. and so why insist on treating other people like they are a bunch of kindergarten kids? like people cant think of themselves. like this scenario for example;

*kindergarten kid eats glue*
Teacher: "you cant do that! you will get sick!"
*takes a way the glue*

this leaves no chance for the kid to think and ponder why the glue is bad for them, and why they cant eat glue. and what the kid does is following order around blindly.

please, this is NOT Islam, people. Islam is the most beautiful religion (not culture, not teachings, not rules, order, law or regulations that you follow blindly) there is. It is very open. It is very peaceful(despite the fact that its understanding has been distorted grotesquely, fact still remains, it is a peaceful religion). It is full of ponderings, and stepping back and thinking. there is NO enforcement in Islam. you serve God because you want to, not because you are forced to, or because other people tells you to. it is as simple as that.

Now, this is just a cent of my thoughts. do not trust me blindly. This is how God allows me to understand the matter and perhaps, God allows you to understand it differently(plus im rather incoherent, and so this might cause a severe misunderstanding) .

Step back, think, and ponder :)

from my facebook notes: story of peace

2010-04-15T08:35:00.001+08:00

this is a story of peace.

when i was in Jogja, i saw something, a brief something that moved me until today. this is a story of how a simple kind gesture can change the world.

it was Eid Mubarak, and me and my family were performing our solat Eid at Alun alun - a local tourist spot. having finished our prayer, me, my mother n my sister waited for our father n brother. and thats when i saw them. a group of Caucasian tourists - by their language i'd guess they're from Dutch - just standing there(well, the alun alun IS a local tourist spot) observing the going ons.

and considering the Islam-is-a-terrorist-religion thoughts spread world wide,i just had to wonder what they were feeling right then. but if they were mortified to see so many Muslim in one place, well, they hid it well.

so anyway, after the prayer people were pouring out of the praying area left right and centre. everybody seemed so keen to get on with the Hari Raya agenda.

Then one man came.

He looks about 40,in his late 40s perhaps. He crossed the raging crowd(which wasnt an easy feat) to get to the group of tourists.and proving my assumptions earlier right, the group of tourists seemed rather anxious to see him coming.

and then it happened.

he took their hands in his, one by one, shook them, and with a smile on his face said to them "minal aidin wal faizin" - which means(to those yang tak faham bahasa arab, including me. i looked it up) "[May you be] among [those who] have happy returns". the group looked so taken aback for a moment, but after a fraction of a second, their faces lit up, and they returned the gesture.

ladies and gentlemen. this is how a prejudice is killed. kind gesture. and with God's will, these tourists may be the ones defending Islam when lies are spread about It. they will be like "mana ada Islam jahat. haritu kitorang jumpa orang Islam..diorang OK je..siap salam salam lagi.." (well,that in Deutsch). and the peoples who heard that will, with God's will, spread it to other people, who would spread it to other people.

This is also, how we can change the world. a third party (me) yang saw the gesture, was deeply moved by it, and what im doing now is passing the thoughts on to you. i only have this to add; as Martin Luther King.Jr had excellently quoted; "..hatred can't drive out hatred, only love can do that..", it only takes a kind gesture, and a little bit of love from each and everyone of us, to change the world.

so ladies and gentlemen, act on it, or ignore it.

better world or otherwise.

its your call.

flippin'

2010-04-12T16:49:00.002+08:00

The movie Coming to America was on at HBO the other day, and I have seen it once before, and it still cracks me up the second time around.

Well anyway, there was this scene where the prince was pretending to be a pauper and had to work at a Mc Dowell fast food restaurant, mopping floor and throwing out garbage and whatnot. And there was this white guy bragging to him that he had done his dues in mopping floor and had moved on to flipping burger patties, and will soon move on to cabbage duties, and at the pace he was going, he will soon become the manager of the restaurant.

And the said guy comforted the prince in disguise that everyone has got to start from the bottom, and that the time will come when he will get the chance to flip burgers too.

Now, when I first started studying architecture, and during the time I was trying to apply for the job, I used to have a dream that I will get to design a commercial building with green belts, water feature and open planning (open planning planned so thoroughly that it catches wind and tak panas) layout and contribute a lot to decreasing the concrete jungle effect we have in the city WITHOUT having to care about the petty design of authority matters and BQ and whatnot. And instead of poring over BQ so thick that it makes the dictionary of some language with the most vocabs looks like some tatty paperback novels, to make sure that the drawing and the contract is tallied (like I did all day today) I thought I would get to design building and meet the clients to discuss their wants and needs and do one of those power handshakes u often see in the movies.

But no, as the white guy said, you gotta flip the burger before moving on to cabbage duties.

So here I am flip-flip-flippin, hoping to one day move on to cabbage duties, or better still, shake and soft drinks duties.

p.s to self: Sabar ska. You will get there eventually. Meanwhile keep on flipping those patties, at least you are not mopping floors. baby steps mon-cherrie.

a tribute to something i love.warning: this is a bimbotic post.

2010-04-09T15:32:00.005+08:00

can i please please have them? please please please with cherries on top?

p.s: my birthyday is in November. 14th November.

p.p.s: Dr. Marten is a genius.

p.p.s: Alexander McQueen (RIP) is(was?) also a genius.

stars.

2010-04-02T15:07:00.002+08:00

I always have people questioning my judgments. Left, right, and center. Im pretty much used to it, and by now am immune to it. However, there is one particular judgment of mine that people question repeatedly, which consequently, leads me to believing that perhaps im making the wrong choices.

You see, I have been studying and exploring the world of architecture for a while now, in fact, I have spent 1/5 of my life in the realms of design and services and structures and flows and materials and submissions and late nights (better stop now before it becomes one of those lets-bitch-about-architecture sessions) and what not. And I have drawn a conclusion that, hell, I do not ever want to be stuck in this endless rut hole where hopes and dreams go to die (no offense to passionate architects out there who are probably bitching about me, saying “don’t hate the game, if you are not a good player”, yes, I know architecture[to YOU] is life itself, but for me it rips the life out of me. Its one of those one-man’s-meat-is another-man’s-poison thing)

Where, was I? ah yes. Don’t want to be an architect. And so, I have decided that I want to be a scholar. I have always found joy in teaching. During exams we (me and my course mates) have always split topics between us to study so that we can teach each other the topics. We even came up with notes of the assigned topic. And I enjoyed watching them squirm as they read – trying to decipher (sbb my hand writing is just undeniably ugly) is more of the correct terms- my notes.

The process of understanding something and spreading it out to some other people and watching their faces as realizations dawns upon them has always been an exhilarating experience for me.

And hearing this, some have questioned me “susah susah belajar tak tido malam kenapa nak jadi lecturer?” “apasal tak aim higher?” and some other stuff yang I cant remember dah. And this constant stream of questions of my choice kind of got to me, and it got me questioning my own judgments. I feel as though being, or wanting to be a scholar is just not ambitious enough. I feel as though Im just reaching for tree trunks when I should be reaching for the highest star.

Im VERY lucky to be blessed with a very smart other half who can straighten up my all-crooked-up perspectives. He told me that we all have our own stars to reach for. And we all have different priorities in life, and mine just happen to be happiness and not fame or glory or money (I can’t deny that id love to have lots and lots of money. Chaching! $_$. Tapi itu bukanlah priority), and that there is nothing wrong with not wanting to be on the front cover of People magazine.

See how messed up our society is? Polluting an innocent mind like mine*coughs* with this mirage yang success bermaksud kaya raya wahaha[imagine Shin Chan’s laugh yang dia imitate action kamen. Orang kaya laughs like that]

Some people live by the saying “I can rest when im 6 feet under” and kept pushing and pushing themselves. Some live their life chasing recognition, fame, and fortune. Some devote their lives for others.

So people yang question my judgments, screw u. :D

I will have fun cuddling up to my wonderful husband in front of our tatty TV set watching documentaries about mythical creatures, while our beautiful children breed sea monkeys or something, and planning about what to bring for the next day’s picnic.

And you can have fun having meeting up with some Tan Sris for the next big project, and shake hands with Tony Blair for all I care.

Because that is your star, not mine. :)

sorry 2004

2010-03-24T15:38:00.001+08:00

the radio played this when i was at work

(I'm sorry, I'm sorry)
Verse 1
It's like I missed a shot,
It's like I dropped the ball. (Man I'm Sorry)
It's like I'm on stage, and I forget the words. (Damn, I'm sorry)
It's like building a new house, with no roof and no doors. (Damn, I'm sorry)
It's like trying to propose, and I ain't got the ring. (Oooh damn I'm sorry)
But girl I've apologized a million times before. (I'll apologize a million more)
So here it comes again for all the wrong I've done. (so get ready babe)
Here's one million one.

Chorus
This is my sorry for 2004.
And I ain't gonna mess up no more, this year.
I'm 'a take this one chance,
and make it real clear.

case I don't tell you.

2004)

Verse 2
It's like stayin' out at night, and way too much to drink.( Damn, I'm sorry)
It's like you change your hair,
and I don't say a thing. (Damn I'm sorry)
It's like your fallin' back to sleep,
with no kiss and before we hear. (Damn I'm sorry)
It's like I forgot your gift,
on 02 14 03. (Damn. So sorry!)
But girl I've apologized a million times before. (I'll apologize a million more)
So here it comes again for all the wrong I've done. (so get ready babe)
Here's one million one.

Chorus
Girl This is my sorry for, 2004.
And I ain't gonna mess up no more, this year.
I'm 'a take this one chance,
and make it real clear.

case I don't tell you.

2004)

Hook-
(I'm sorry for the way that I did you)
(Sorry from the bottom of my heart for how I hurt you girl)
(Sorry on the weekend, sorry on the week days)
(Sorry for the things I did, sorry for the things I said)
(sorry for the lies)
(sorry for the time)
That I didn't give you what you want,
That I didn't give you what you like.
All that I can do is,
tell you that I'm sorry babe.
(I'm sorry babe, I'm sorry)
Oooooooooooooohhhhhhh!
Wooooooooh!
All them strip clubs,
all them hot tubs.
I'm gonna give them up,
'cause I don't want to lose you now.

Chorus
Cause this is my sorry for, 2004.
And I aint gonna mess up no more, this year.
I'm 'a take this one chance,
and make it real clear.

case I don't tell you.

This is my sorry for, 2004.
And I ain't gonna mess up no more, this year.
I'm 'a take this one chance,
and make it real clear.

case I don't tell you.

lagi la i feel sorry for myself.

boohoo ska. get a grip.

unhealthy obsession

2010-03-22T12:58:00.003+08:00

so i went to a Japanese bufet at Equatorial hotel last Sunday and the spread was amazing. well, not in the sense of variety, its pretty much the same in that sense, u know, sushis, sashimis, tenpuras and such, tapi it tasted better than most of Japanese buffets i've been to.

and the first thought that came to mind was "Adem would love this" and i started making mental notes to take him here nanti once he's back in Malaysia, then i realized while chewing on my mushi maki ebi, "well, this is unhealthy(not the food. the thought.)"

my life has always revolved around him, and he's always, always on my mind all the time. when im eating something nice, when im designing my room, when i came across some funny quotes, when im watching a good movie, when im cynical about something, when i see rainbows and rain drops and morning dew, when i hear birds chirping, every time. i always think "i wish i get to share it with him". kalau its the angau phase of the 1st to 6th month of the relationship takpe lagi. ni dah almost 5 years.

im not trying to be mushy, but i think my soul(ke brain ke heart ke whatever the heck it is yang always makes me think of him) must be connected with his since im always thinking about him, subconsciously and consciously. and i can say that it is really unhealthy. to have such connection, i can bet it is going to hurt to break it. now, im not saying that im planning to break up with him, or see it in near future, but you just never know. things that are too good to be true are bound to mess up(im being pessimistic, tapi its not said "TOO good to be true" for nothing dont you think?).

and when it happens, it is going to kill me.

ok. must stop unhealthy obsession towards Adam.

Now, how do the heck do i do that? oh, i know. i'll just write "dont think about Adam" on my palm. oh wait, that is just going to get me thinking about him.

oh well, im screwed. (-_-")

thank you Adam for putting me in this state. boo you.

sellout.

2010-03-19T10:21:00.004+08:00

no, bukan habis dijual. itu Sold out.

so im a junior architect in a local architectural firm, and i design buildings. kind of like that Ted Mosby the architect in HIMYM.

remember that episode where he had to design the Goliath National Bank's Head Quarter and he came up with a very airy building with "home away from home" concept, and barney's boss/co-worker Wilson (or something) crushed the idea since he'd rather have a building so dark and depressing so that the workers wouldn't think about home?

and so, Ted had to compromise and concede because after all, what the clients want, the clients get.

but it really conflicts with his principles since, after all an architecture is a shelter. and how it is designed affect the occupants' psychological being greatly. and if an architect were to come up with a poorly designed building, the occupants of the building will suffer from the "building pathology syndrome" which by the way includes severe case of depression and melancholy. but he has to go ahead and design it anyway as it is what the clients want. oh and it is also his bread and butter.(ni semua guesswork. hahah. but he prolly feels that way)

ini ladies and gentlemen, is a classic case of selling out. like what you probably see in art scene (tapi good thing is these days indie artists(bless them) are the 'in' thing, so tak banyak lah selling out yang happen among them). say, Yusof Haslam and that douche of a son he has for example. mungkin they have some incredible idea cooking up inside their heads, a movie about prejudice and racial integration with a tragic ending where everybody dies(ok prolly im just giving them too much credits, but who knows la kan?), but no, who would watch that? so what do they do? they come up with movies people(not me) would watch. something with a tajuk that starts with "cinta" and throw in some big stars into the whole concoction of the god forsaken movie, and voila! box office. or a movie about some social ilness. like rempit, bohsia, and maybe someday, about OraNG yAng sUKa TulIS lIKe Thi$$$. what they do is, they rot our brains when they can stimulate it beause it brings in more money, as apparently people like to rot their brains, and would pay good money to do so.

ini juga namanya selling out. atau just plain stupidity(which i suspect is the case with those two).

selling out also happen to commoner. someone who, lets say, designed a building with 85% efficiency, but swapped it to a design with only 81% efficiency because her clients prefer it that way. or ignores the GBI (Green Building Index) because it brings in more money that way.

like me. :(

future.(im a control freak, i feel that it is of a great importance to plan beforehand)

2010-03-17T12:52:00.002+08:00

so i'll be turning 24 this year. and (hopefully), i'll be flying off to the UK to get my masters. which will take about 1 year. so by the time i finish the course, i'll be 25. thats about the time when my other half finishes his studies too.

and we decided that perhaps it is best for us to get a job in the UK first, u know add a new country to the list of countries we've lived in(that will be 2 for him 4 for me. i win!). gain new experience, meet new people, learn other cultures and ways of life and stuff. im sure it will be an eye-opening, horizon broadening experience.

and i know for a fact that both my parents would want me to get married in a ceremony so grand ala queen's oom pah pah ball(kalau ikutkan hati i'd rather just get married in a mosque and be done with it. very economical). so to get money for that(i at least would like to chip in for my wedding, otherwise id make my husband-to-be look like a moron. no make that a cheapskate moron), we're gonna have to work for at least a year(still, if we saved 1k per month, we'll still end up with only 12k each. cukup ke?). so if things go well, i'll be 26 by the time i get married.

and no babies until 1 year later, because i think it is extremely important to provide a stable(bukan kandang kuda) life for the baby. so that's 1 year's worth of cari permanent adress, buy a car, and settling down.

so i'll be 27 by the time i have a baby growing inside my tummy, and give 9 months, by the time my baby is born, i will be 28. and that is the best case scenario. what if things go wrong? being a pessimist, i always assume that things go wrong because that way, i will know the turn out will be good, or at least expected. so lets add one year to the list to allow any messing up to happen.

so the grand number would be *drum rolls* 29 years of age!!! *gasp* lama nya.
i mean look at them..

yes, i know, they will be a shade or two darker. they will be beautiful all the same!

and look at these cute socks!

and this baby suit

and baby mittens.

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. how can i wait that looong?????

im sorry, i have to end this entry on that note. im coming down with a baby fever.

p.s: sayang, u better get rich. and fast!

2010-03-15T20:25:00.000+08:00

Today is the day of frustration.

So anyway, I went to this website where u get to chat with some random anonymous stranger. And this stranger gave me a tip that may or may not be true, and if it is, then it might save peoples' lives. When I told bunch of people about this they won't listen. Ala ala cerita The Eye where that blind-not blind-whoops!blind again girl tried to warn everyone that disaster is coming. They ridiculed my concern. Sheesh!

So, when no one would listen to me, I went to this er, government body(?)yang would. Yeah they listened alright. BUT they think they are incapable of handling such big issues, and advised me to drive over to their head office. Oh and they appreciated my effort. Like that freaking matters.

Why is it so hard to save people's life? Why do people have to be cynical about such important things(not that ud know what I'm talking about. Tapi I'm just really frustrated and I need to write)? Its a matter of safety for crying out loud!! Sure it may not happen, but that's just it with uncertainty isn't it? The possibility of both are pretty much the same. So why take chances with matters of such great importance?

So say, if "sparks fly tomorrow" please don't blame me. I did all I could to prevent it from happening.

woohoo!

2010-03-12T20:11:00.000+08:00

Sgt happy. Didn't know what to do. So I write.

I got into Sheffield. :D

Waiting for Cardiff. Really torn between the 3. Nottingham has the most beautiful campuses. Sheffield has higher rank. Cardiff (mcm dapat masuk je haha) tops the chart, tapi mahal :(.

I'm very grateful to God. Alhamdulillah.

|> |> (its supposed to look like a fast forward button)

2010-03-03T08:27:00.004+08:00

Robin : i must say there's something admirable about the way Barney wants to stay young at heart. i mean, who wants to get old?

Ted: THIS GUY(points to himself). Robin, life is a meal, and old age the desert. i spend so much time worrying about the future. where's my carrier going? who am i gonna marry? but when you're old, you dont worry because all that stuff has already happened. plus, you get to wear comfy shoes and a chair takes you up and down the stairs. its perfect.
- a dialogue from HIMYM

dude, i so sometimes agree with you.

yesterday i caught myself nagging to my little brother "study hard, get into a good school" plus some usual stuff our mums used to nag about but we wont listen to back then. then, i get to thinking. whats all this for? we get ourselves ready for the future since the wee age of say, 6? and for what? so we can make a lot of money? so we can have a better living?

some people even planned for their babies to get into the best nursery school even before the baby was born so that it will guarantee the unborn baby a place at the best school, and later the best higher institution. kinda makes you ask yourself why we were born doesn't it? well, if you think it like that no doubt, you will feel all lost, and helpless, and purposeless. you're gonna get to think "all this effort.. just to guarantee a good living before we die. then whats the purpose of even being born?" (ok,you there! pls jangan depress. put down that knife ur holding at ur wrist)

well, i thought this out and i say we were born for the journey. have you read "5 people you meet in heaven"(tak ingat sangat the tajuk but its by Mitch Albom. i lagi prefer Tuesdays with Morris though. ok lari topic.)? the story is pretty much about the people in our lives whom we've met throughout our lives. not necessarily a close acquaintance. could be just some stranger who passed you by the street who touched you(not physically) and makes you think and shape u as a person or at least alter that thread of fate by just being in contact with you. because future is in fact just series of actions and consequences which depends greatly on the people we are in contact with.(ok apa i nak cakap tadi? i rasa dah nak masuk to the realms of time and space and einstein and his theory of how time travel is possible but i dont think it is because there are like a universe of could be's and couldnt be's basing on the choices we make everyday.ok tu post lain nanti. where was i? *sheesh my SAD is out of control* oh yeah. journey)

so as much as i sometimes just want to press forward, skip the journey and just get to the end of the story, i think it is important for us to enjoy and suffer whatever it is that we need to go through in life, and fulfill our responsibilities to make this world a better place for others. for we live in this world to benefit others, and from others. and put in mind that we touch people on our way to the end, so lets make sure that the impact we're leaving from that touch is the positive ones. :)

tom tom bak

2010-03-01T08:20:00.002+08:00

so during the loong weekend, i got to spend sometime with my siblings(read:arguing, fighting over the remote control, having to stand their annoying chantings of "tefetafah yafang bufusufuk", and such) and during those QUALITY time we spent together, i got to see one of the TV program yang seemed to be very popilar among them(while waiting for MY turn of hogging at the TV). tom tom bak ke apa tah cant remember. tapi at the end of the show, there are bunch of little kiddies performing lah.

and lemme tell you, it was disturbing. some little guy can really sing, and thats all and very well but the rest of them... haih. there was even this little girl, grinding and twisting and bouncing, to Shakira's my hips dont lie. call me VERY CONSERVATIVE, but i dont think it is appropriate for a girl that age to be exposed in such a way.

i also saw a little girl on youtube, dressed next to nothing, dancing to Beyonce's All the single lady, smacking her own behind. it was disturbinggggggg. sheesh! a child should never ever be exposed in such a way. you dont know who might be watching. not only that, kids these days, seem to be in such a hurry to grow up. they wear midriff baring little t-shirts and low cut jeans, clutching on their little cellphones like their lives depended on it, with their heels on, talking about diets. kiddies let kakak tell you, its so not fun to grow up.

Back to the Tom Tom Bak issue, for a child wanting to be on TV gaining fame and recognition is also rather disturbing. where had gone the time when all a kid wanted to do was to main masak masak, and to climb a tree, and to main hujan and main longkang? it certainly says something about our culture now doesnt it? the culture where fame and recognition is considered as success, where celebrities are worshiped, where entering a reality show is a fast track to success.

the children are our future. Now, do we really need a future where superficial and material things are everything? where what's outside is more important than what's inside? This being-famous-is-so-awesome thing has been glamorized by the media, and hence the impact(or shall i say damage?) is further increased.

i know full well that a child's interests shouldn't be suppressed, so if my children express interest in music, i'll go all Debussy, Beethoven and Chopin on them.

Let children be children, or at least, if they are in a hurry to grow up, grow them into a non-shallow adults.

retaliation

2010-02-20T17:38:00.000+08:00

(-_-") haih. my inner demon broke free again. i swear i dah put it on a leash. i went all "whoaaaa down girl!!! down!", to no avail.

it is really Really REALLY hard for me not to retaliate. i do not like people thinking they are more superior than me. not that i think that i am more superior than them. just i cant stand the idea of people biting me off and me not biting back, for me that is a sign of weakness. i might be mistaken. but that is me. and i've been putting a leash (electric collar and all) on my demon, i tried really hard to not retaliate tapi tak berjaya. haish.

one example was when theres this girl, putting up a picture similar to mine and one of her uh...supporter (?) saying things like her picture was "better than...."(then i assumed mine). then i terasa. hahahhaha. whatever. how can i not be?

so i retaliated. i put up my picture(the one yang agak similar tu), and told my bestfriend the cerita. being my bestie that she is, she commented on my picture "well awak two thumbs up. better than....." (she lets her inner demon roams free btw). and i puas hati.

i dont know why i cant just let it go. and why i find it necessary to stoop to their level(s). its too high school for the sake of all that's pure. too Blair Waldorf.

i just (somehow always)feel the need to strike back. the plotting and scheming is too much of a pull for me.

im so sending my inner demon to military school. *sigh*

p.s: to those yang terasa, sorry.

CFA. (control freak anonymous)

2010-02-15T09:54:00.002+08:00

hi everyone, im ska (chorus: hiiii skaaaa)

i've been a control freak ever since i can remember, but i have only realized it several months back. i notice that it is exceptionally hard for me to let loose.

i realized that i was a control freak when these symptoms begins to surface. the symptoms being:

- when i plan, i plan with military precisions.

- i raise hell and raze things to the ground when things dont go according to plan.

- i freak big time when i run even 3 minutes late.

- i dont drink or do drugs because i do not like losing control of my thoughts.

- i must know what goes on or what will go on beforehand, to plan.

- im preoccupied with negligible details.

- it is exceptionally hard for me to refrain myself from not having the last word in
an argument.

- i dont really fancy window shopping because i must first know what im looking for
to shop.

- it is hard for me to go shopping because im too particular of what im looking for.
and if i dont find the things i had i mind, i dont buy.

- im an architecture student, and in designing building, im only comfortable when my design is of a symmetrical design.(ok thats bordering on OCD but.. ah well..)

so there it is everyone. im a control freak. see u next week.
(claps from CFA members)

a cover story

2010-02-12T16:58:00.005+08:00

this is a story of the first few months i covered up (hence the tajuk, i tak conceited sangat la kan nak bajet what i do is a cover story)

ok so anyway, two or three friends of mine asked me why i decided to cover up, most of them asked Lydia (so sorry for the trouble i have no idea why they didnt just ask me haha, but then again im a hermit, i never leave my cave, so perhaps they dont see me, so they had to ask u. haha), and the rest made their own assumptions.

one of the most outrageous version i heard was "oh she's just trying to get my attention"-unknown lame guy. uhhuh, sure guy.

while the most common being, "oh, she's getting married soon". yeah fat chance.

i dont even understand the link there. like in a word association games:

"if hat is to head and glove is to hand, hijjab is to..?" and people say marriage. like?? apakah? dont get it. wont ever get it.(bad example kan? haha)

some of them seem genuinely happy for me. and some are just plain cynical. like "tak lama lah tu", funny thing is, those who say it are those who dont know me that well. so i just go like "yeah okay, uhhuh, uhhuh, yeahhhh (insert name here) i dont really care" i have more important things to do than care about ppl perceptions. like count the pebbles in my backyard. or trying to guess what the clouds resembles. or figuring out the tones of grass or something. but i have to admit, one time too many, and it starts to annoy me. its like people are waiting for you to mess up. ah well, thats just life i guess.

so anyway, some people tell me that dah pakai tudung ni i should dress up more stylishly. like "pakai tudung tak semestinya jadi macam makcik"- anonymous male friend. wow, thanks friend. okay. sure on the surface being stylish is nice. but im a firm believer in its-whats-inside-that-counts theory. no, dont get me wrong, i dont leave the house in track bottoms or anything like that (no wait, i do, at night. but i get in and out of the car cepat2)and i do care about what i wear juga. but its not to the point that i have to make sure im presentable ALL the time. that i have to keep up with the current trend and keep my wardrobe updated once a month. i do believe that you are not what u wear. u might be all stylish and CURRENT. but that doesnt really confirm that you have an equally CURRENT state of mind. and no, this is not me justifying my lack of interest in shopping and updating my wardrobe. its just as i had stated above im a firm believer that what's going on inside your head is more important than what you wear. and oh alright! i malas pergi shopping. as for now im very comfortable wearing jubah. very hassle free and airy.:D

and anyway, its really hard o look for the right kind of shirt u know. its either a boddy hugging long sleeved shirt, or a loose fitting tank top. or an overly expensive long sleeved loose fitting shirt. now that im getting my own money, i feel bad asking my mum for goodies unless she's offering, so a lot of those things arent in within my financial limits. and i really REALLY dont like shopping in times square. always very crowded. and why should i go thru the hassle and bussle to just shut people up?

oh hey, i think i have come up with a great solution! i'll give the next people who gives me the piss that im not dressed up accordingly, a list of thing to buy and some money to buy it. oh i'll get one of those lookbook looklet thing where you can dress up your model and come up with your own style.

here go look for something like this. cheers!

insecurity.

2010-02-07T12:33:00.002+08:00

you feel insecure don't you? :D

i mean i know where it came from. u feel you're less of a woman than i am in every sense. and you've got someone vouching for that kan? a certain someone so close to you, whom you can't let go, and even though that person doesn't say it to your face. u just know that that person thinks it? that is why you try so hard to beat me? to convince yourself that you are in fact better than me?

that's why you've got someone reassuring you that you're better than me. you need that reassurance don't you?

well, u can act all friendly to me while still holding a grudge against me and feeling all insecure to me. and no, i will not tell you that i'm better than you. your insecurity says it all. and i know, secretly, beneath that konon brave bravado that u put on, u know your insecurities aren't baseless. kan?

well, have fun feeling so. don't be too insecure though, i'm sure you have something special too. oh and yes, i know you're reading this.:)

xx.

p.s: do extend my gratitude to your supporter. totally made me aware of how you really feel.

language snob.

2010-02-07T11:27:00.002+08:00

im such a language snob, i have a lot of problem with how people abuse it, and by god, it irritates me sangat to the point that i come up with an entry with a list of why dos.

WHY DO

-people like to add excessive unnecessary alphabet at the end of a word?
eg: girlZZZ, kerr, larh, Apew and such

-people like to come up with what they think as a more creative way of spelling?
eg:"skunk" for "sekarang", "neyh" for "ini", "gurlz" for "girls" and such

-people like to hold the shift key and release it repeatedly when they write a sentence?
eg: WhY dO PeoPlE LikE tO HolD THe ShIFt KEy AnD ReLeaSe It RepeTeAdly ThEY WRiTe a SenTencE?

-people like to add symbols like **** or ~~~~ or the combination of both in a sentence?
eg: ~~~hi!~~~, **hi!!***, ~~~**hi!!**~~

-people like to replace the alphabet "o" with the number "0"
eg: hell0000, n0, it d0esn't b0ther me.

-people like to replace the alphabet "u" with the alphabet "o"
eg: takot instead of takut, pon instead of pun,

and worst of all,

-why do people like to combine all the above points, and come up with a sentence so irritating? why? why? why?? why do people do that?

but then again, perhaps, these things don't irritate normal people as much as they really irritate a weird, language snob who is also a control freak who puts monica from-FRIENDS's freakines to shame. like me.

SKA IS THE NEW BLACK

What I Like Wearing

Wealth & Success

How My Mind Works

Thoughts

Holiday Pictures

Rants

Being detached.

The things he says and does.

Skin Food Challenge 12 - The Reveal

"Anjing Indon" and "Malingsial"

Skin Food Challenge 11 - THE day before the reveal

Skin Food Challenge 10 - A tutorial

Skin Food Challenge 09 - A Quick Update

Skin Food Challenge 08 - A Setback

Skin Food Challenge 07 - A Review

Skin Food Challenge 06 - An Experiment.

Skin Food Challenge 05 - An Experiment

Skin Food Challenge 04 - An Experiment

A present - way beyond how much it costs.

Skin Food Challenge 03 - An Experiment

Skin Food Challenge 02 - An Experiment.

Skin food - yummies for your skin. (and it doesn't make you fat!)

Sustainable living

War

Being an architect

Parenting

A bitter sweet goodbye.

Purpose in life.

No title sebab eksaited sangat.

Friendship

Something wrong with the picture.

My darling.

Kind words

Beauty - Overrated?

A helping hand.

hi.....how u describe your fashion

Live life.

Change: Project Skew and Project Skit.

nauseating love note for dearest other half.

Malaysia - Indonesia (again)

taboo.

wants and needs.

Maysaa, black, white and in between

that feeling.

chicken soup for the soul

Hijjab.

reminder

plagiarism.

feeling grateful

the age old question, what is beauty?

consumerism.

Kai

According to me.

Kyreel Khalid

cycle

wedding dress

exposed brick wall II

bare brick wall.

style covered (title borrowed from Hana Tajima's blog)

shame on me.

btw

of religion, race and nationality.

from my facebook notes: story of peace

flippin'

a tribute to something i love.**warning: this is a bimbotic post.**

stars.

sorry 2004

unhealthy obsession

sellout.

future.(im a control freak, i feel that it is of a great importance to plan beforehand)

woohoo!

|> |> (its supposed to look like a fast forward button)

tom tom bak

retaliation

CFA. (control freak anonymous)

a cover story

insecurity.

language snob.

a tribute to something i love.warning: this is a bimbotic post.