Sunday, September 23, 2012

Those Who Matter

So, I'm supposed to be doing my candidature defense maybe around next month. And as the name states, I have to defend the candidacy of my masters. I have to give out presentation explaining what my research is about, and how I intend to carry it out, and explain to the panels how my progress is.

Being the Self-criticizing nervous wreck that I am, naturally, I freaked out, and feel as though my presentation will never amount to very much (I know. Tragic line of thinking right?). So, before the presentation date is even decided, I decided to finish it, and do a pilot presentation first, to those who's never really heard of what my thesis first. To, you know, get the general idea whether my presentation is good enough to get the panels to understand what I'm attempting to achieve.

Hmmmm... people who's never heard of my thesis...

You see, I'm  nervous wreck. So I talk a lot about my thesis to my friends to ease up my conscience. So, I can't really present it to them, since they already know what it is about. Then I thought "Who hasn't heard of it?" which eventually turned into "who never listens to me when I talk?". And it came to me in a second "Adam". He has this habit of letting me ramble on and on and on, and not listen to a word I say ( I know. the things you put up with for love, right? -_-)

So, in the end, I managed to present my thesis to him, to hear what he thinks. And he doesn't sugar-coat anything either, which makes him a perfect candidate.

To my relief, he found it ok. He said that "It was ok. You got your point across. I understood what you're trying to do" (see what I mean about not sugar-coating anything?).

And then I realized, that no matter how bad things will turn out during my candidature defense presentation (yes, I'm still working on my positive thinking), I will be ok, because Adam thought that I did a good (well, at least an ok) job. And then it clicked.

I was a pretty good student back in school. And I get good grades. But I was a tad bit rebellious when it comes to following my parents' instructions. And so, I get scolded by my mom, quite often. Anyway, on one of the occasions, I rudely answered "I get good grades don't I? What else do I have to do?". And I never really forgot what my mother replied to that "Yeah. Your grades don't even matter to much to me. It's who you are inside that matters. And I'm not proud of what you're becoming." And it cut deep.

I guess I have come to realize too, at a young age, that all the praises that I get along the line, will never matter, if that one person whose opinion matters most to me, is not proud of me. In life, many things will knock you down, leaving you all beaten down and weary. But at the end of the day, I think there's only few of those (those who has your best interest at heart,mind you), whose opinions really matter to you.

So, no matter how bad life gets, in the end, just remember those who really matter to you, and hold it close to your heart.

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