Saturday, August 25, 2012

Self Reflect



So I was reading my old posts this afternoon, and it suddenly dawned on me, that I have become a really different person than I was a year ago.

I can't exactly pin point the exact turning point of this change, but reading my old posts, which of course mirrors my old thoughts, my old habits, and my old ways, was kind of like an out-of-body experience where I can somehow view the 2 me's from a stranger's point of view, and judge myself objectively. I'm big on judging myself (and being hard on myself) so, I suppose this was something that I rather enjoyed doing.

I have come to notice that I have turned a 180 from who I was about a year ago. I am now the person that I have been fearing of becoming. I am now the exact person that I did not want to become a year ago.

I have become hostile, and, well, to simplify things, evil. I have unkind thoughts about people, I'm often angry, and all in all, just vile and unhappy. Petty matters bother me. I used to be able to brush off people copying what I have created or do. But now, it really gets under my skin to a point that I become really conceited. I scoff at people a lot too. I snicker at people attempting to use big words in a sentence drenched in grammatical errors. I snicker at people thinking that they are trying too hard to impress people. I have become this condescending person, filled with hatred and a wrong sense of superiority. I am suddenly always filled with negative emotions caused by the pettiest, unimportant things.

I used to be so observant of my surrounding, always at awe of what goes on around me. I never used to judge people. I used to always see (or at least be able to choose to see) the positive side in people.  I used to always want peace in the world. And that was all that mattered to me. Now I guess that's all down the drain.

Now I'm just a shallow, conceited, judgmental and hateful person. To come to such realization fills me with a great sense of loss and regret. I felt like along the way, for whatever reason, I lost the old me, and this horrible 2.0 version of me replaced that.

I'm sorry to whomever I have hurt along the way.

I guess it's time to rewind the clock, and revisit the old me. :)

I have always wished for someone to want to be like me. To be inspired by me. Well, I guess, I finally got my wish, and have that someone now. (funnily enough) It's myself.

I wanna be like the person I was a year ago.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Lana Del Ray - Video Games Cover

Sorry for the lack of post.Been having too much fun these days. Taking a break from thesis, and there's Eid, and the mister is finally back in KL for good. Life's been kind to me.

So anyway, I managed to record myself playing a cover of Lana Del Rey's "Video Games". She has this amazing throaty smooth voice (which I wish I had, but I don't), and not to mention that she's uber gorgeous. I love all her songs, but I love this one in particular.

This song is pretty easy to play, only having like 7 chords in all, and you just play it repeatedly, but I still messed it up somewhere in the middle regardless. :p

Anyway, enjoy. :)

Tuesday, August 14, 2012


I watched a video on Youtube just now and it kind of brought tears to my eyes. So, I'll share it with all of you.

It was really amazing for me to watch. The fact that he want all around the world and made the world dance is great. But what's even greater to me is that he made is clear that through all the differences, we are all just the same. We are all human. I find all the preconceived ideas just evaporating away, which is probably why I had tears in my eyes.

The whole world is such a brilliant place, and human just really need to get past the differences of skin color, and see that human race is all just the same.

Amazing how a video just preach about unity without even saying a word isn't it?

Sunday, August 12, 2012

The Satin and Lace From That One Time

Hey you guys, do you remember this?

Well, I wore it last night for berbuka puasa, and a stranger just randomly complimented that it looks beautiful. Not "you look beautiful", but specifically on the garment "That's a beautiful piece you have on" compliment, which I definitely prefer.

I'm telling you, it was beyond any doubt, the greatest kind of elation that I can ever feel. To get acknowledgments on something that you came up with, regardless of whether it is an article, a building design, a writing, an idea, a painting, or as little as this silly "I designed this, and sewn this myself" thing, it was definitely a lovely feeling. It was a passing remark and I was kind of dumbstruck by how random it was, so I didn't get to say anything back other than "thank you :)". So, to that stranger from last night if you're reading this, thank you so so much!

This piece, in my opinion is very flexible. You can wear it with anything. To give you a general idea, this is how I wore it last night;

I went a bit crazy in front of the mirror. lol. But anyways, I paired it with a pair of jeans, black shirt (as always), and a pair of red heels to give it a pop. I tried matching my lip color to my shoes too. No, that was a lie. That's the only lip color that I wear. The only one that I'm happy about so far.

And then, remember I told you that I sewed this for my bestfriend's engagement? Well, for THAT occasion, I can't really wear it with jeans now can I? So, I wore it over my Sekar Jagad batik. :)

Seriously can't recall what I was attempting to do.
image: Adilaramly

From the front
image: Adilaramly (she's the one on my left)
You can Also pair it with harem pants, skirts, or maxi dress. I'm pretty much happy with the option I have with this one. hehehe.

This is why I like making my own clothes.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Tumblr Stumble

So, I stumbled upon my old Tumblr posts. Man, I was a lot more creative back then. Creative as in "I created a lot of stuff". Not creative as in "I have lots of awesome ideas".

In one of the posts, I was trying to emulate Doc Mart's floral boots. Gigih.

I drew the pattern on a piece of mounting board first, and then photoshopped it on the docs to see how it'd turn out.

Then I got ahold of my sister's old boots, and this was what happened!

Painted 'em boots!

In the end though I didn't really finish it because I couldn't get it to look as good as the original one. haha. and plus, I couldn't find the right type of paint. I painted this only using poster color, and it will no doubt wash off in the rain. But mostly, I didn't finish it because it looked like crap. :p

And then I went through a phase where I liked sketching faces. Not just any faces. But specifically, dark, creepy faces. I guess I never really outgrew the emo goth kid in me (?).

Yeah, I'm sure if I still had my old sketching book, I would've found more disturbing faces, but fortunately, these two are the only ones I uploaded.

Like sewing and braiding bracelets, the process of sketching and painting has this calming effects on me. It does what books used to do for me. It blocks the outer world.

I saw one of my friend, Kuna, uploaded her paintings on canvas on twitter, and I think they looked awesome. I really want to attempt to do it. Although mine would probably be disturbing images.

My dad used to paint incredible black and white oil on canvas paintings. So, I really hope I get a bit of his talent in my genes.

Here's to new challenges! *clink*

Friday, August 10, 2012

Batik Prada

As promised, the pictures of 2 of the clothes I made using Batik Prada. And no, not the Prada the design label. It's pronounced as "Prodho" with a hint of Javanese accent. hahaha.

The term is used for batik patterns with gold outline. It's surprisingly cheap in Jogja. But, the gold ink will eventually wear off. :p So, take extra care when you wash it.

The first design is the batwing kaftan. I love to wear it as an outer wear paired with just jeans and T-shirt. It's airy and has that slouchy feel to it.

Do you see the tiny dots? That's the gold ink. The rest of the patterns in the material are also lined with the same ink.:)

Can you see it?

When I saw this material in the batik market, I knew I had to have it. I mean, it was navy and gold! In my eyes, such color combination can do no wrong.

Another Batik Prada design I did was another kimono (I DID say I was obsessed with kimonos didn't I? hehehe)

Do you see the gold dots?

Pretty gold ink.
The two batik outerwear are currently my favourite, and I'm trying hard to not over-wear it so that the gold ink doesn't wear out too soon. I think Imma bring the glorious days of batik back. :p

So, that's it for now. I hope what little information I wrote here about batik is beneficial or at least I hope you enjoyed it. :) 


Thursday, August 9, 2012


Being of an Indonesian descent, I love batik. I just love how majestic and beautiful they look especially traditional Javanese batik. You know the one usually hand crafted,  usually in black and dark brown color base. I think traditional javanese batiks are so exquisite that you can practically wear it with anything.

Mom's a bigger fan of batik than I am, and so every time she's back in Jogja, she never fails to buy me some batik, which of course, kecil tapak tangan, nyiru hamba tadahkan. So the unpacking of her suitcase has always been the most fun part for me. She'd lay out all the batiks she managed to score during her visit, and gave me and my sister the ones she thought we'd like. It's really a lot of fun.

Now, unlike me, she prefers a more modern batik. She usually goes to this one batik boutique in Jogja and go crazy in there. The batiks are usually made out of crepe material, and has a pretty tie-dye quality to it. Since they are hand made, the designs are very exclusive, where no 2 designs are the same.

The white pattern are what  I believe to be called the "Parang" motive. The rest I'm not very sure. :p

Modern interpretation of batik

The above are one of the examples of their shirt designs. Most of their batik shirt for women are made out of soft cotton material,and has this kind of gorgeous spectrum of color. It looks almost like batik rainbows. 

Other than cotton shirts, the also specialize in batik Kaftans, which are always so beautifully made. The materials for the kaftan are always those of flowy crepes, and they also have gorgeous spectrum of rainbow-like colors, which I definitely love.

The coloured batiks are of course so pretty, but what I really love is definitely the javanese brown based batik. Like the below. 

I'm not very sure what the design is called, but according to mom, a bit of it is called Sekar Jagad. How very fitting right? Sekar wearing Sekar Jagad. ;) lol. Maybe sub-consciously that is why I like it. Now, traditional javanese batik comes in a variety shades of brown. Most of which are dark brown with a hint of red to it. But I specifically love this shade of brown. Don't want no other brown color. lol.

I also have Sekar Jagad in purple.

I absolutely love both my sekar jagads. I think they are so classic, that everything goes with it. Wear it with batwing tops, long cotton white shirt with sleeves rolled up, put a draped cardigan or blazer over it, they look great in any ways. So, if you ever get the chance to go to Jogja, I highly recommend that you got to the local batik market, and get yourself some of them. They usually come pretty cheap.

I myself have designed and sewn some clothes using batik. It's called the Batik Prada. I had the chance to do some shoots of the clothes, and I'll post out some pictures tomorrow InsyaAllah.

Till then! Ta.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

7th Year :)

For Adam,

Us, 6 years ago

So, me and my other half had reached our 7th year together, and it has been a wonderful journey.

I have never been in a relationship as long as this, or as committed as this. 7 years, 3 of which are spent away from each other, is a long time, and of course are filled with its own ups and downs as do any normal relationships. But any hurdles we have overcome along the way are definitely worth it.

Within that span of 7 years, we grew up together, got to know each other's bits and pieces, learned to accept each other, was there for each other, fought and resolved our issues together, cried and laughed together, shared our joys and halved our burdens with each other, and in the end became a huge part of each other's life. The term "my other half" therefore, can be used with much confidence on my part. He really is my other half. He completes me.

Perhaps its the maturity speaking, but I have never had a relationship like this. Where I am both so comfortable and so nervous at the same time. He's my lover, who makes my stomach squirm, and feel all nervous and giggly, but at the same time, he's my best friend, who I feel comfortable with, who I can completely be myself without having to worry that my true self will disappoint him.

I think it all comes down to the fact that he makes me happy. He accepts all of me, and vice versa. When it comes to our imperfections, instead of forcing our version of "perfect" on each other, we just laugh it off, and act all exasperated about it, and tease each other about it. I'm a very difficult person. I get cranky when its hot. Living in Malaysia, it means that I get cranky most of the time. And if I had to deal with myself, I would probably have despised myself a long time ago. But he just pats my head, and calmly lower the temperature and offer me cold beverages. Despite all my imperfections, he truly thinks that I'm perfect, and that he's lucky to have me. And then there's moments where he just randomly looks at me with such love in his eyes, and tells me "You're so beautiful" or "To me, you're perfect". Or when I asked him whether any of my imperfections bother him, he just shrugged and told me "well, you wouldn't be you, without those imperfections, and I love you for who you are. Imperfections and all". In a relationship acceptance is hard to come by and I believe that I'm truly blessed to be in this relationship.

I also think to still be so in love after 7 years is something to be thankful for. Not only do I love him, but I also admire him for who he is, another trait I never had in my past relationships. I admire his wisdom, and intelligence. I admire his perseverance and determination. I admire how he always knows what he wants, his goals and how to get there. I admire his creativity. I admire his undeterred confidence. Some of those quality I sometime lack. Which probably explains how we are the opposite of each other, but we blend so well together. I like to indulge myself and think that our complete differences are what compliment us as a person. Like how he is too laid back, and I'm too uptight, and we meet halfway, and become just a perfect combination of both. And I love that about us.

I also love how we match each other intellectually. He likes to think that he's smarter than me, but I think we're pretty much equals :p. Well, maybe I'm smarter than him in some stuff, and him the other. Regardless, it allows us to talk about a lot of things, exchanging and bouncing ideas off each other, testing our inferences about current issues, finding solace when we agree with each other about certain issues, and agreeing to disagree when we don't. I'm a very curious person, I think and question a lot, so I'm so glad that intellectually he never disappoints me, and that I can talk to him just about anything. From things as mundane as why the sunflowers are called the sunflower, to more heavy serious issues like racial feud and the cause of oppression in the middle east. I really dig intelligence, so he's my kind of guy. ;)

What can I say? I'm smitten.

I can keep on gushing about him, but I think I've pretty much said what I needed to get out, so I'd better stop here.

Adam, if you're reading this, I love you. Thank you for always being there for me, for being my rock for always making me feel so loved, for always trying your absolute hardest to make me happy. I love you, and it has been a wonderful 7 years together. I'm looking forward for more, and absolutely looking forward to grow older, and wiser (and at the rate we're going now, fatter) together with you.

I love you. Happy 7th anniversary love.

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