Thursday, June 7, 2012



I love to read. No, correction, I USED to love to read.

I can spend hours just reading, and doing nothing else. I can start reading, and suddenly nothing else exist around me. Just me, and my imaginary world. It's so amazing how a book can just transport you to a completely different dimension all together. I was so immersed in a book once, that the sound of my cellphone made me scream out loud in shock. I get excitement out of visiting book stores, and happiness out of sniffing the smell of book. What makes me the happiest though, are used books stores. There was a time where all I want for my birthday is a book. I used to even envy inmates because they can read all day in their cells and no-one will complain about it.

                 This is exactly how I feel when I read 

However, writing a thesis has kind of ruined it for me. When I read an article, I can't afford to read every single line, and in between the lines. I have A LOT to read, so to do that to every one of the article may cost me my thesis. After all, I only have 2 years to finish it. So I don't really read, I scan quickly. I get the point that I need, and either put it in my thesis, or store it for future uses. Nothing wrong with that of course.


That style of reading has become a habit for me.I get very impatient very quickly. I was reading Stephen King the other day. And instead of enjoying the rich story line, and the detailed description of every characters, their surrounding, and Mr. King's impeccable style of writing, I grew really impatient. I often find myself skipping a page thinking, "Jeez!!! Get to the point already!!" trying to find the twist, or the answer to the mystery in the book. And of course, that  style of reading takes the joy right out of it. I can no longer leave reality and be in a world constructed  purely out of my imagination and the rich description provided by the author, I can no longer be so immersed in a book that even the sound of footstep startles me because now, I'm on constant alert all the time (trying to not miss any detail crucial in figuring out the mystery in a book), and I can no longer enjoy books the way I used to.

This kind of loss, the loss of the things that you used to love doing is devastating. For me, this loss has so many dimension to it. Thinking of how a simple thing like reading a book can no longer bring you so much joy, or a sense of contentment. Losing the ability to just enjoy life slowly, instead of always rushing. I think that since I've poured all of myself into a lot of these books, abandoning them just does something negative to my spirit.  Hence, I think, this great feeling of loss that I'm experiencing now every time I look at books.

I think I'll start trying to relax my reading habit a little bit, and become that girl who can be content by just having a copy of old, battered book in my hand, again. :)


  1. I've been sooo lazy about reading too, ever since I started my degree. I used be so excited about climbing into bed and get lost in a book for hours, now I think it's like a waste of time. What you wrote made me realize so much, & I'm hoping once I've settled down I'll find my peace and stop wanting to rush around so much. That is until I start breeding lol! I guess for you, you should start by rereading your ultimate favourite book or something, like Harry Potter. You know you can't skip that shit :P

  2. I'm kind of glad that I'm not the only one experiencing it. I feel really guilty when I see my books (which I bought 2 years ago, and have not read it until today) beckoning from my bookshelf. I feel as though I have betrayed them in some way.. hahahaha. But yeah, I'm going to try it again with Harry Potter. If that doesn't work for me, I don't know what else will.


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