Saturday, June 9, 2012

Competition

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You know how at some point in our lives we look at a person's life and feel envious? Of their achievements, of their perfect family, of their relationship, of their pretty babies, of their beautiful homes, of how a person has all the little aspects of perfections all wrapped in a rich golden box tied perfectly with pretty bows which makes their whole life?

I sometimes do.

I think envy is the most negative feeling in the world. It makes you feel as though you are beneath those you envy, it makes you forget what blessed, beautiful life you have, because you're so focused on other people's perfect life, it makes you forget how gifted or talented you are in something, because you're too busy wishing that you're as good as someone you envy in other things. It brings down your morale. It's different than being inspired, where you admire a person's achievements/talents and you strive to be as successful as them, that's very positive. 

Envy, on the other hand, is just a poison that blackens your soul and weigh down your spirit. It makes you feel like you have to compete with someone in a such a mundane way, without realizing that everyone has a different path, different gift, different talents, different rezeki in life. You have to constantly prove that you're better than everyone else. It's a bit like that cliched ad about makcik-makcik in hari raya. You know, the one yang goes;

"Bang, tengok la orang sebelah tu. Diorang beli sofa set baru, langsir pun dah tukar jadi baru, takkan kita takde apa apa baru kot?"
Padahal, what they don't know is that maybe, their neighbour's toddler baby, accidentally set fire to the curtain ke, or their new cat scratched their 10 years old couch ke. Who knows. When a person envies someone else, they just can't see past their jealousy, and that's very destructive.

I will not preach of how negative or sinful being envious is. Instead, I'll speak out of my own experience, and  maybe, hopefully, help you should you experience any kind of dark, envious feeling, because sometimes, this feeling comes to visit me too, and it is not very pleasant.

Firstly, just realize that everyone has their own path, and are (it's so cliche and cheesy to say this, but it's true) special in their own way. So people are better than you in something. So people earn so much more than you do. So people live a more privileged life than you do. That's okay. All that matters is, you try your best. Jangan pula make it a reason to give up all together, and use "dah memang nasib" as an excuse. Turn your envy into something positive.

Failing that, stop and look around. Take in everything that you have, every little things that you have accomplished so far, as little as you being a good daughter to your mom, or managing to cook lunch for everyone. Consider that and think how lucky and blessed you are to still be able to do that, and to have all that. Think about people who are much less fortunate than you are.

Just try with all you might to get rid of such dark feelings, for it is like a speck of dirt on your windscreen of your car. A tiny speck of dirt. Irrelevant, and small, but if you choose to focus on it, you will lose your vision altogether.

So be grateful of what you have, give credits to yourself where credits are due (I'm trying my hardest to do this too), shift your focus to giving something out other than just wishing to have/receive something that you don't have.

For those are the only antidote of a poison that is envy.

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