Saturday, January 21, 2012

What I Like Wearing

So, I've been asked in formspring about the types of clothes that I like to wear, and since I've been asked more than once, and my answer tend to be VERY lengthy, you know, since I over think a LOT, I think it's worthy of a blogpost.

Hmmm.. so where to begin? Well, I like something minimalist. Which is why I don't particularly favour color blocking trend. The only color blocking I'd do is black against white. I'm not playing it safe, I think I just really really like black. My whole wardrobe is taken over by the color black. Hence the name of the blog I think? hehe.

see what I mean? Mostly black, white and grey. and some
random other colors.

I also like hobo chic, yes, hobo. Not boho. Well, I like boho chic as well, because it's all romantic and all hippy, but I don't know, the whole calculated frumpiness of hobo chic just kind of appeals to me more. Although since it involves oversized layering, it's not advice-able to wear the style in Malaysia. Well, maybe some wont mind it, but since, I have extremely low tolerance to heat, I might not be pulling it off anytime soon. I LOVE LOVE the look though. It's so slouchy.

Hobo chic by Missoni

Hobo chic by Missoni
and that's moi trying to pull off hobo chic
But then again, I also love sleek, minimalist looks. Especially something Calvin Klein-ish. with the neutral tones, straight lines. I think it depends on my mood.

Calvin Klein

I also like to wear contradicting things. Like leather leggings (back then) with flowy white tunics, Black dress, with blood red lipstick combined with bangles with studs, Black from head to toe with a sudden shocking pink nails (back then) you know something like that. Maybe pairing up maxi dresses and combat boots, chunky punkish accessories, and aviator shades. I guess I subconsciously have the need to express my rebellious streak in what I wear.

But then again, some days, I just couldn't care less. I've had lunch in Tony Roma's in my sweat pants after all. Well, to be fair I did put a blazer over it though. Can you imagine, blazer over my sleeping gear? yeah. I do that. hahaha.

So I  guess that's me. A contradicting, rebellious fashion mess. :)

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Wealth & Success

"sometimes people work just for the sake of surviving. Just as long as their family gets fed and not starve to death that's enough for them (as opposed to working to reach the stars and succeeding)" 
- Anonymous Friend of Mine

So me and my friends were talking about business the other day, and when we discuss why some prefer being their own bosses, when some don't, and some even don't have the drive to work at all, that quote came out.

And of course my brain start whirring. There's nothing wrong about the quote, to each their own and all, but then I think there's nothing wrong about working just for the sake of surviving either.

I mean some of us (me), do not wish to spend their (my) time worrying about business. Some might enjoy it, thrive in it, while some may not even bother. 

Personally, I think there's some right in the notion that "people just work to survive" I mean, initially, that's the whole reason. Before that, money didn't even exist anyway. So back then, working meant going hunting, gathering fruits, chopping off woods for shelter and fire, sewing animal fur for clothing to keep warm and so on. So technically, yes, we humans used to work to survive. As the time pass, and barter system start surfacing, the definition of "work" also include a little bit of luxury. And when the concept of "money" start existing, the concept of how those with the most money gets the most luxury(regardless of how they obtain it) also started with it, until today. My other half said something about money being a modern day dajjal or something like that, but you're going to have to ask him. I kind of spaced out when he said that.

Now, I may have stated this before, but I'm terrified of losing my family. I don't want to miss out on my child's development, or lose my relationship with my husband to work. I think working hard as a mother and a wife is a wonderful job. Mind you, being a housewife is not the same as being a cleaner. It bears heavier responsibility than that. Instilling the right values in your children, making sure that they grew up full of love to become a kind, considerate adult, caring for your partner, being there to support them, basically you're a pile. A guardian, a protector of those you love. Isn't that wonderful?

However, I can never deny that in this day and age, money is a necessity. One does not simply survive without money. So, what is wrong to work just to survive? (and to do a little bit of travelling :p) There is nothing wrong about working to live a comfortable life either, or to afford a little bit of luxury.

The definition of success varies according to people. Some consider growing old with your partner surrounded and loved by your children a great success in life, some consider being recognised for their hardwork, and being promoted a success, some consider making a huge contribution in society a success, and some just want to be happy.

However, when the definition of success is equalled to the amount of money you have, then we might just be living in a very messed up world. 

So in this sense, yes, I might just be working to survive (and travel. :p) in the future, and there ain't nothing wrong with it sista! *snaps finger* :D

How My Mind Works

I think. A lot. No. It doesn't mean that I'm intelligent. It just means that well, I think a lot.

How things are the way they are, why they are the way they are, constantly coming up with unproven theories and questions, and followed by another unanswered questions. But mostly, I spend most of my thinking time planning and worrying things will not follow through.

For example, like the case with my thesis, I can tell you now that I have managed to outdone myself in selecting the most complicated, and complex topic I can ever find. And now, I spend most of my time (other than researching) worrying how the hell will I ever be able to pull this off. But unlike most times I do that, this time I don't regret anything. Well, that's one good thing I suppose, right?

Now, when this kinds of things happen, what I do is think about the whole thing. The definition of my research, whether it's been done before, how to do it, the research problem, the methodology, and so on and so forth. So my head is kind of like a warzone right now. I can't even think straight.

Another problem with me is that I'm the biggest critique of myself. I don't do self soothing. I criticise myself. My standards are so high, that it is hard for me to achieve. I need to do something brilliantly, or I'll be devastated. There's really no middle ground for me. Go hard or go home. So you can see how I'm often disappointed in myself. Even more so, when right now I'm still struggling to find a way in my research, to find that light at the end of the tunnel, instead of having a smooth sailing all through my researching process.

My other half, on the other hand, is a complete opposite. He does not worry. at all. And when I go all apeshit crazy on him freaking out about my thesis he just quietly told me "the way to deal with anything complicated, is to take it one step at a time and see how it goes from there"

and it made sense!

He's not always right, but this time, he is. It doesn't make sense to just see the whole, GINORMOUS picture, and freaking out about how it can't be done, because I have no knowledge on the subject. I mean that is the whole point of a research right? To find out things you don't know.

So yeah, I'm still working on that. Shedding my inner psychotic critique and be all zen.

Wish me luck!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012


"To be able to inspire is the greatest honour of all."

Just a short entry today. I think to be told that "you are my inspiration", or to become a role model of someone is the greatest form of compliments ever.  EVER.

And no, it didn't just happen to me, in case you're wondering.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Holiday Pictures

Some pictures during the Italy-Switzerland-Germany-France trip. I figured if I uploaded all of the pictrues, it will be too much, so here's just SOME of it. and when I said some pictures, I meant some pictures of me. lol.

Oh I've gotten better at tying turban now. I can do it in less than 1 minute. I love wearing turban. I could do it in winter because, well I had to have some kind of muffler anyway. So I can use that to cover my neck and chest. but I don't really think I can do this in Malaysia. I'll be burning up within seconds. So I definitely enjoyed wearing turban for as long as I could. 

The picture's not in order btw. Enjoy!

this was in florence, I think

Also Florence

also florence

this was in Switzerland

New year's eve dinner

Mt. Junfraujoch. All dizzy because of the altitude.

Ice Palace



Ticket to Eiffel Tower. Froze my fingers off up there.
Very windy


On the flight back

Hotel in Rome

Arc de Triumph

Open air museum, Florence.
A lot of nudity here. lol.

haruslah ada this kind of picture. :p

Somewhere in Rome, exhausted.

Inside colloseum


another mirror shot. :p


You know how I used to write about how people used to talk about the first time I covered up? Well, I couldn't really understand back then what the big deal was about.

Why people was so shocked, and why people question it, make some wild assumptions or even talk about it at all. I was kind of angry about it (as you can probably tell from my earlier posts about the subject), since, you know, people don't know me, or know what's going on inside my head, and yet they still pass their own judgement. Make their own assumptions. Expecting the worst out of me. I mulled it over and over again in my head, getting more and more bitter each time. And then, in the end, I just kind of shoved it at the back of my mind, and forgot about it, since it was easier for me that way.

But recently, I've had some free time to self reflect. and you know what? I get why they do that. I mean, look at me back then. Who wouldn't be shocked? It WAS a very drastic decision on my part. I had this kind of wild child image about me back then. I even had my brow pierced at one point. So, appearance wise, it was a complete 180. Even my closest friends were shocked. Friends who knew me inside out, and what goes on inside my head. Just imagine how strangers, who don't get past all the eyebrow piercing, revealing clothes, and black nail polish image of me, will feel.

So to those who passed judgement about me back then, it's ok. I understand now. I forgive you. and sorry for being mad at you. And to those who stuck around, supporting me, standing up for me when people has said some nasty stuff, and giving me encouragement, your kindness is even more magnified now that I see how hard it was to not judge me back then. So, it's 2 years too late, but thank you so so much for your kindness. :,)

Monday, January 9, 2012

Being detached.

So I've been away for a while and I have just gotten back. I've been blessed with the opportunity to travel around Europe and see the beauty they have to offer. From the breath taking landscape, to the architecture, their art and culture, I must say, from Italy, to Switzerland to Germany and finally to France, it was a journey of a life time.

Now, in Malaysia I'm so attached to internet, and with the unlimitted Blackberry Internet Service, and wifi at home, of course it was just at my finger tip. Twitter, Facebook, 9gag, you name it. However, when I was travelling around Europe, internet was a little bit harder get. I switched off my BB data plan, because the charges were just plain murder, and I had to pay to use the hotel's wifi. and being exhausted after sight seeing and being jet lagged and all, I just couldn't be bothered.

What I've noticed about not being so attached to any social networking site on the internet is that, it has a positive effect on me. Here is why.

I went to so many places and learnt so many cultures and some new language (really basic mind you, like "hello" and "thank you" and the likes) in the span of 18 days. I had just gotten back from a trip to Louvre museum in Paris, learning and admiring painting and sculptures, when I have finally gotten access to free internet. As I needed to check my student email, just in case there was something urgent I had to do, I logged on to my email, my Twitter and my Facebook account (and also And what did I find?

There was a national uproar about something some girl who got 17A's was wearing. My timeline was full of it, and so was my FB Newsfeed. And then there was something about what Yuna was wearing too. and when I say national uproar, I meant national uproar. Everybody was talking about it. Some was bashing it, some was bashing the basher, some was supporting it.

It kind of straightened my perspectives on the priority of the topic we prefer to talk about. Not exchanging of ideas, or knowledge. We really like scandal, something controversial and gossip worthy. We like crap.

Now this might come off as very snobbish of me. You might think "alah baru pg Louvre dah kecoh2 konon ilmiah sangat". Please understand that that was none of my intention.

It's just that the stark difference of the information I get on that particular day kind of hit me on the face. We have got our priorities wrong. So someone somewhere wears leggings.


You want to correct her, because you think you're right and she's wrong? by all means, get in touch with her. But then that's it. Just stop right there. It's certainly not worth 50 tweets or a long thread of status comments. and definitely NOT worth a national uproar sampai keluar2 TV segala bagai.

There are SOOOOO many other things we can focus on. Poverty in Ethiopia. The cure of cancer. Business management. Ancient architecture. Arts. Sculptures. The beauty of nature. YET. we choose to talk about what people wear. REALLY??

Don't get me wrong, had I not been to the Louvre and got a little bit of culture shoved into me, I would have not noticed the stark difference and I definitely would have joined in with the gossip.

But please. For the love of humanity, let us all just step back and reassess what is important to us. What should be our priority in life. And just rise above all the idle gossip. Because it is such a waste to use our brain power for something so mundane.

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