Thursday, September 15, 2011

Friendship




I recently got into a fight with one of my closest friends. I always wanted to be a good person, you know without the hate and all, but the darker side of me is always banging on the dungeon door, where it is usually locked in, trying to get out, and one dark dark night, it got out.

There was no excuse to the despicable thing I did, but I think I needed her to understand that my intentions were good. I'm a very protective sort of friend, and I can't stand to see any of my friends get hurt. It was not my place to say anything, but I guess my protective (and a little bit of spiteful) side overwhelmed my better judgement, and I did what I did. Which I truly regret up until now.

I don't really do the talking behind people's back kind of things, I like it better when things are out in the open so it can be talked about and solved. Although, I have to admit, I don't always have the best of timings for the confrontations. I tend do it when I'm mad. And so, out of anger, I said some things I didn't mean, she said things she didn't mean, and it went back and forth for a little bit, and like any fight, it finally reached its end. The thing with fights is, it is pointless, you get each other angry, you hurt each other, you achieve nothing, and lose everything. I do not recommend it for anyone.

It took us months to cool down, and I started coming across our old pictures, and our old messages (thanks facebook), and of course I started to really miss her. We were really tight before, like horcrux and voldemort tight. She was a part of me as much as I was a part of her. I guess it was because we were both a scorpio so it gets really intense or something like that.

So I did the only logical thing to do at that point. I apologised. I didn't care who was wrong or right, all I cared about was making things right between the two of us, and if an apology is what it takes, then I'll be damned if I let my ego get in between of us. Apologising is the least that I can do.

Of course this kind of fight leave even the strongest of friendship with one or two battle scars, and things wont quite be the same again. It might mend with a little bit of time, because after all, time heals the deepest of wounds, but you really have to not push it, because it will be really fragile, and will break at the slightest of force. So, I'm giving it time to mend itself.

I have just figured out how friendship works while I was driving earlier today. Amazing how being alone and spacing out(while being careful of course, this must be said, since I don't want my licence to be suspended. haha) can put things into perspective and lead you to a revelation isn't it?

I was thinking about how I'm looking forward to the season premier of Gossip Girl (can't waittt!!!!), and Gossip Girl got me thinking about Blair Waldorf, and how emotionally attached I get about her (once again I must underline that I am a very INTENSE person. In every sense. Even over fictional characters). How she always does some really exasperatingly dumb things which you just can't quite see how someone can be so daft to do such things, but you still love her and want her to emerge victorious above all the drama and complications that she created for herself.

Then I realized, lightbulbs and all, "Oh hell, I should have just thought about my friends that way, instead of being angry at them for the things they do".

I love all my friends, perhaps more intensely than average, but that's just how I roll. However, sometimes, my emotions do get the better of me, and I get mad at things they do, which doesn't concern me, but which I also know, will bite them later in the end. So I'm protective, sue me. :p

However, you will be relieved that I know now, that I should release my death grip over my friends' life, and just let them run their course, regardless of the outcome, and just kind of be their backbone from afar.

Ahh, it feels good to let go. Why hadn't I thought about it sooner?

So to all my friends, if you're reading this, know that I love you.:)(imagine autumn golden leaves terbang terbang, sunset, and sea breeze).

Oh, also, thank you Gossip Girl and Blair Waldorf for making me figure this out.

Habis.
(anticlimax and bersepah gila this post. hahaha)

1 comment:

  1. Nyahaha.. This is SO YOU. hehe. love you too girl! XD

    ReplyDelete

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