Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Change: Project Skew and Project Skit.

I have been feeling down in the dumps lately, for some unknown reasons, i feel like i haven't been living my live. i feel like i have been just drifting to wherever the wind and the current takes me. just floating in the sea of uncertainty and possibility without me taking charge of it.

but then, I started reading my past blog entries, about my manic preparation to get a job, application to universities, IELTS test, about my woes of being in a long distance relationship, and such (i'm a whiner, my blog entries consists mostly whines. I'd like some cheese to go with that whine please. ha-ha. ok. dah la pinjam YM punya emoticon, pastu tak kelakar.-_-).

And then i realize, hey, I have achieved what i worked hard for.

I graduated, with a satisfactory CGPAs.

I have got a job.

I got a satisfactory IELTS result.

I secured a spot at several universities in the UK.

and I am still in a loving relationship.

*chastising self for being too hard on self*

I mean, hey, I have got tonnes of reason to not sulk and be grateful yes? I have got reasons to give myself a pat on the back yes? *pats self on back*. takdelah clueless sangat.

According to this poster my dear wise friend posted on facebook, being happy is easy. If you're not happy, just change what you're doing. I dont know why i have been sulking and moping around feeling like such an under achiever, but THAT is gonna change.

Ok, so I have been saying that i haven't been achieving anough, I have been saying that I want to learn something, that I want to achieve something, and I like fashion and clothes.(and shoes. hehe)

So, why not learn how to sew?? :D I know now, that i can be whatever i want to be. I just have to put my mind into it(now, THAT would be the hardest part about this challenge, but I'm determined to make this one work).

Let's call this project the "Skewing project". It means to distort the monotony of my life now, and to break free from the dullness that frustrates me so much, and push that barrier harder, to distort it further. hence the name of the project "Skew". (padahal dapat from memendekkan "ska sewing" jadi skewing. pastu nak go all konon philosophical. -_-. sorry, dah terbiasa mcm ni, because all the architectural project concept presentation I did. I had to explain why my concept is "connection" and had to turn it into an explanation of how "connection" means so many levels integrations. integration between man and nature, man and man, building and nature, building and surrounding, and such and such. sudahnya concept tinggal ciput je, and kena stretch my explanation a bit, supaya the design fulfill my concept. haha. eh, macam dah lari topic je?)

So anyway, that's one project I want to do.

lagi satu, I LOVE writing. so i might want to get into that also. let's challenge myself to write a novel. Let's call it the "Skit project". (ok so i got the name from ska+write minus the w,r and e. I can go on and explain how metaphorically sebenarnya it represents how my life is a parody and i want to break free from that. tapi i wont go into details, as i wont get my point across anyway, and will only come across as a douche)

So I will get one of those count dount app thingy on my blog, and post my progress here and such. (so that i can look back and say "hah. i got this far/didn't get anywhere at all")

So, this post marks the launch of Project Skew and Project Skit.

Let's look back after a year. Good luck ska.


Sunday, September 12, 2010

nauseating love note for dearest other half.

The other day, i went to see "Going the Distance" with dearest other half.

It was a chick flick, but surprisingly not sappy, quite witty, and all in all, was a good movie.

So anyway, it was a story about 2 people in a long-distance relationship. One in San Fransisco (kot), and one in LA (kot).

I can so relate to this because i have been in a long distance relationship with dearest other half (DOH for short)for over a year now. I have been having a relationship with his voice, facebook, ym and bbm, without actually being able to see each other for over a year.

My relationship with DOH is even worse because well, one, we are not even in the same continent, and two, the KL - Manchester time difference is 8 hours, which means, when my day ends, his starts, when his day ends, mine starts. We have minimum time for interaction, if not none at all.


I am so lucky to have Adam as my DOH. He is still somehow calling me 3 times a day. before he sleeps (thats about when i go to work), when he wakes up (that grey area after i get off work and before i get busy with house chores), and before i go to bed. and he calls me to just hear me complain about work, to just tell me what he had for lunch, and ask me what i am having for dinner, what he had to do in class, what i had to do at the office. just shallow mindless crap. But those exact mindless crap is exactly what we want to hear from each other anyway. I dont know about him but, for me, those craps makes me feel as though im a part of his life, even when he is so far away. and in away, it is those mindless crap that glue our relationship together. And, anyway we are wayyy over "you hang up first, no you hang up first, nooo, you hang up first, i love you, no, i love you more, no i love you more more. no, i love you infinity"*barf* phase anyway. hehehe.

and i am so grateful for those phone calls.

another issue with long distance relationship, is of course trust issues. There obviously will be a "WTF??!!" moment every once in a while in a long distance relationship, because well, you will find out through his facebook, (hacked)email, or twitter mentions(my DOH buta twitter, so that doesnt apply to me, thank god, one less social network page for me to stalk) before he had the chance to tell you to explain the un-wtf-ness of the situation you wtf-ed about.I had one of those, concerning one other girl. But i trust my DOH, so i trust what he told me, and his explanation. (and also because i confronted the girl about it. dear Girl, if you are reading this, I'm so sorry for the blow up. :( )

and i am sooo grateful for the trust we have between us.(well, kalau bukan on my part pun, trust on HIS part -_-)

there was a line in the movie that kind of made me think.

"We see each other once in 3 months. that's not a relationship!"
(or something like that tak berapa ingat)

screw that. I see DOH once a year, and it is still a relationship. A strong one.

Dearest other half,

You are wonderful.
You are sweet.
You are understanding.
You are kind.
You are smart
You are funny.
You are lovely.
You are caring.
You are loyal.
You are driven.
You are patient.
You are compassionate.
You are honest.
You are respectful.
You are humble.
You are generous and giving.
You are never arrogant.
You are never judgmental.
You are never hypocritical.
You are good looking.
You are the opposite pole of my magnet.
You have one of the most beautiful soul.

You would do anything for me. You would be my listener. You would be my encyclopedia. You would be my shoulder to cry on.

You are the one i want to be with.

I love you. :)

p.s: you are sometimes insensitive, but i love you anyway. hehehe.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Malaysia - Indonesia (again)

image: photobucket.com, syahmiyummy

First and foremost I would like to state firmly, that this is not a post about bashing either countries, people who stumbles across this post hoping that, will be disappointed, but I beg of you to read along. This might just change your perceptions.

I am Indonesian by nationality, I live in Malaysia, but proud as I am of where I come from, I am just a human being, and I refuse to be determined by my nationality or where I live in, for I believe humanity goes way beyond geographical boundaries.

I have had my say about these issues before, and I will try to voice my views as long as this issues still go on, because that is the least I can do. To say something, and hope to God, that it will bring some good.

It saddens me tremendously that these issues don't seem to reach its end. It saddens me that the fight is fought without seeing (or refusing to see) that there, in fact is, no issues at all, and mostly, it saddens me that people are so quick to jump on the "I wanna hate each other, I don't quite see the reason, but dammit! I hate them!" wagon.

Now, I would like to state my opinion on the "stealing and claiming" one's culture issues(because it seem to be one of the leading cause of the feud), in the hope of shedding some light that no such issue exists. Before Malaysia and Indonesia were formed(countries are after all just a determination of boundary lines of what belongs to which) the cultures have already been around. And seeing that both countries are located near each other, isn't it just logical that both shares some similar cultures? Some old folks songs, traditional games and costumes, and language. And seeing that way back then people travel back and forth both countries to berdagang, it is only logical that both countries swap some cultures with each other. I mean, isn't that how Islam traveled too? The idea of a country claiming a culture is therefore prespostorous, and almost childish. Oh, and if its about the Kecak dance, the faults lie on a certain tv channel, and they have apologized on the matter.

And about some people treating other people from other nationalities badly, please, those characteristics do not reflect the countries I love so much. Indonesians are one of the politest people I know. They smile and greet you, even if you are a stranger, they are always keen to offer a helping hand should you need one. The same can be said about Malaysians. Malaysians, coming from a culturally diverse country that it is, are the most tolerant people I know. They are friendly, and these beatings of TKI, unfortunate as they were, does not reflect Malaysians. I am an Indonesian, and I have been treated perfectly well here. My siblings are Malaysians, and they were treated perfectly well the last time they were in Indonesia. They even made some new Indonesian friends. Now, if we were to start treating each other badly, cursing each other, ridiculing each other, wouldn't that just tarnish the name of our beloved countries? wouldn't that call for wrong perceptions by other people about the real us? Why should we let the actions of a certain party cloud our views of Indonesia/Malaysia? Why should we listen to people telling us to hate each other? Isn't the world already a messed up place without prejudices from our parts? Isn't racism a crime of humanity?

NOBODY is determined by one's nationality or race.

My Malaysian readers, a certain party may have clouded and distorted the views of Indonesians about Malaysians, and somehow caused them to react negatively to you, but trust me on this, those are not how the real Indonesians are. My Indonesian readers, a certain people in Malaysia may have treated you badly, but I promise you, that does not reflect the real Malaysians.

I do not know what is the real issue behind this propaganda masked in the form of "nationalism". But I still stand my grounds. I still refuse to be prejudiced. I still refuse to generalize. I still refuse to be racist. And I still believe that both Indonesians and Malaysians are way better than what is portrayed of them these days.

Hatred really is a strong emotion, it will cloud your perspectives, and fogs your views and stops you from seeing the real picture.

if you have to hate, hate on all the right reasons.

Hate prejudices.
Hate racism.
Hate hatred.
Hate on anything that may divide us.

We have all seen what a war can do to a nation. Now, is that really what we wish for ourselves? For our loved ones? For our countries?

I wish none of that.
I wish peace.

How about you?

image: Katey Puley, Flickr.

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