Wednesday, July 21, 2010

that feeling.

I'm sorry blog readers(if there's any haha) I'm affraid I'm becoming increasingly self-centered that this blog only serves as some sort of self reminder of things God made me see/feel at a certain time. hehe. maybe someday I'll write something amusing again. you can go here for interesting pieces to read. (warning: lots of words, little to no pictures, requires thinking). ok.

So, the other day, Alhamdulillah, God made me feel soo at peace, and MasyaAllah, it is so wonderful, and beautiful. I don't quite know how to put it in writing, but if i were in front of you i would probably make silly sounds like "haaaaaaaaaa" and "weeeee" to describe it(yes, trust ska to ruin it)(-_-"). I've never been high before, but i think, MAYBE, it is some kind of a high, only more, more beautiful and peaceful. (haih. susahnya nak explain. hahaha)

So, anyway, the feeling lasted for a day or two, and then, it is gone again. and of course, being me, i found something to blame it on other than myself.

and i blamed it on kelalaian(negligence).

I've been so caught up, and upset over this trait of human who is always so lalai (negligent), that makes me always end up somewhere not close to God.(and hence, far away from that peaceful feeling i had trouble explaining about just now).

But today, Alhamdulillah, God had granted me this understanding that, kelalaian is not only a trait in human being. it is also a small,small, dugaan(trial) in life. and just like other trials, we have to fight it.

And of-course being away from God, i've sinned more than when i am close to Him, and being me, again, I am all caught up and upset over it, but today, AGAIN, God made me see something (on Facebook, His guidance is everywhere) that soothed me. He is the MOST MERCIFUL.

He said: "My Lord! Verily, I have wronged myself, so forgive me." Then
He forgave him. Verily, He is the Oft-Forgiving, the Most Merciful..16:surah al-qasas.

and so here i am, a humble slave, counting her blessings, and asking for His forgiveness, hoping to someday, be so close to Him, that negligence is not in her TOP list of trial.( though come to think of it, I should be grateful that negligence is the one at the top of my list of trial, not something worse. *scolds self for being ungrateful*. but then again God is the most merciful, and He will not try us with something we can not handle.)

chicken soup for the soul

something that touched me deep down, and made me go "aaaaaaahhhh" and made me weep a bit

This is the lyric with English translation.(hanks Hajar :) )

Fi Laylatin Minal Layal Lastu Adri Ma'tarani
Zulmatun Taghrumuni Ya Rab
Al-Ardhu Daqat Wassama' Wa Qalbi Ma Arafud Dhiya'
Wad Dam'u Bata Yabki Ya Ilahi

Ya Ilahi Ya Ilahi
Ya Ilahi Ya Ilahi

Asaytu Waz Zanbu Kabir
Wa Inni Fi Huzni Asir
Muqayyadun Bizanbi Ya Rab
Fahal Yastahiqqu Ya Ilahil Afwa Mujrima
Muqirrun Biz Zunubi Ya Ilahi

Ya Ilahi Ya Ilahi
Ya Ilahi Ya Ilahi

Antal Lazi Khalaqtani Rahimtani Wa Razaqtani
Dauman Ya Rabbi Qad Kunta Ma'i
Lakinnani Naaitu Anka Nasitu Ma Qad Kana Lak
Wa Sirtu Fi Toriqi Ya Ilahi

Ya Ilahi Ya Ilahi
Ya Ilahi Ya Ilahi

Wal Yaum Ya Rabbi A'ud Min Zulmatin Khalfal Hudud
Fal Qalbu Munkasirun Wa Torofi Hair
Wa Anal Ghariqu Fala Ara Illa Siwaka Liy Munqiza
La Manja Wa La Manja Illa Anta

Ya Ilahi Ya Ilahi
Ya Ilahi Ya Ilahi


In one of the nights,
I dont know what happened to me,
Darkness Covered me O my Rabb,
The earth has been narrowed, and (also) the sky,
and my heart haven't know the light,
And tears stayed, crying O my Ilaah

Ya Ilahi 3x

I committed a big sin,
And I am inside my sadness a captive,
Chained by the sin O my Rabb,
Does the sinner deserve forgiveness, O my Ilaah

I admit my sins, O my Ilaah
You are the one who created, mercied and blessed me,
All the time you were with me, O my Rabb.
However, I went far away from you and forgot your rights,
And waked on my way, O my Ilaah.

And today O my Rabb,
I come back from a darkness beyond the boundaries,
The heart is broken and my sight is confused.
Ang I am sinking and see no one but you to rescue me,
No help except you,
O my Ilaah, O my Ilaah

Lyrics compiled by Wewr.

Saturday, July 10, 2010


Salam all,

All this while, when people ask me why I decided to cover up my answer was just “because of God”, because that REALLY was the only reason I did it in the first place.

God loves His servants, more than we can ever imagine. He is the most merciful. He always puts me back on His track. Always. No matter how many times i defy Him, when i seek, He always lets me see, Alhamdulillah, and how can I keep on turning my back on His Hidayah?

I love God, and by finally covering up, I am just doing what was asked of me. It was also a mark of me surrendering all of me to God. That’s it. I never questioned, or wondered why I was asked to do so, nor have I actually reallygrasped the beauty of the concept of covering up, or modesty.

Until recently.

One of the Hijabis I look up to, Hana Tajima Simpson(this is going to get my blog hits from google by those looking for Hana’s blog again. Haih. -_-. ) says this in her interview with The Independent.

"Islam has a really amazing definition of beauty, Hijab is about how a woman can be beautiful without placing overt emphasis on her sexuality"

And finally something clicked, light bulb and all.

All this while, I consider myself “sacrificing” my beauty for my love of God, and I have been thinking it all wrong, Astaghfirullah, may God forgive my ignorance.

Covering up is actually really beautiful. The idea of making your beauty exclusive, and that no stranger can see your beauty, makes you priceless, and as my wise close friend, Hajare puts it, it protects us from men treating us like a sex-object, ecstatic pleasure, image driven 'girls' oogling us freely. We can actually go through crowds practically invisible. We need not worry about getting groped, whistled at like a dog, or stared at.

And it is not just the idea of covering up. It is the whole concept of modesty. Of how you should lower your glances, of how you don’t wear something that will draw attention towards yourself and how you look. I just really love the idea of how you can walk the street practically invisible. And by lowering my glance I can think that no one is looking at me, or can see me at all, for that matter. You know, like when you were in a hide and seek game when you were little, if you cant see them, they cant see you.

I’m really not good with words, so I don’t really know how to put it, but I find the whole idea of walking in public unnoticed really beautiful. You don’t have to care about other’s perception towards you, and right there and then, its just you, your thoughts and God. Nobody to impress, no material things to worry about. Just contentment and peaceful bliss.

Yesterday, the wonderful Hajare Aman Shah of, came up with a wonderfully beautiful video project for the HRC (Hijjab Roundup Campaign), and it strengthened further my feelings towards the beauty of modesty.

May God bless your efforts Hajare.

So, here it is ladies and gentlemen, the much spoken of video, of the HRC campaign. Hopefully, it touches you as much as it touched me. InsyaAllah.

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