Thursday, May 27, 2010

feeling grateful

i was supposed to write about being humble, but since i feel so strongly about this issue, im writing about this instead.

It is payday today, and as a junior architect, im being paid nuts. and yet I'm still so happy about it, and it got me thinking, will i still be feeling the same way about the same amount of money when I'm earning, say, ten times the amount that i do now?

Do you remember when you were smaller, and RM 10 seemed like a LOT, and now it just doesn't seem like a big deal anymore? (my currency, wasn't in RM tapi alah.. sama je) and fair enough, the value of money changes through time, but still, the principle is the same, once you are able to have more than what you have before, you lose a little of that sense of gratefulness of the smaller amount you used to have.

Say, u get paid 2k every month and you feel like the king of the world on pay day, but fast forward to 10 years later, when you are earning about 20k per month, 2k may seem like pennies(bukan penis. ha-ha. funny.), while for some,mungkin 2k is what they need to make ends meet and to survive at all.

malah ada yang for some, it is a luxury to even be getting 1k per month(bukan spoiled brat yang the allowances RM 700 per month, who thinks that it's not enough and say "yeah 1k is a luxury" ye. think homeless people, people living in slums, beggars and so on)

and so the revelation of the day is "be grateful that u don't have a lot, because when u don't have a lot, u will be grateful of every little thing u have". because if you have a lot, chances are, you will forget how precious the smallest things are. and once you stopped feeling grateful, nothing is ever enough.

So, people, do not ever lose that sense of gratefulness of the smallest things you have, because there are probably other people looking at you thinking of how good you have got it while you are too busy being sad about all the thing you don't have.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

the age old question, what is beauty?

i was watching Oprah the other day, and the topic of the day was beauty and it touched on the subject of plastic surgery.

i don't mean to be judgmental in any way, but the length to which people would go to look beautiful is just astonishing.

people would actually go through gruesome procedures to grow an inch and a half taller(yes, you can grow taller by plastic surgery). if it were done for medical conditions, i can totally understand, but being the squeamish chicken that i am, risky operations (and i saw the operations, trust me, it was scary) is a pretty high price (bukan literally. oh well literally la jugak) to pay to just look pretty(kalau u lose ur ability to walk all together sia sia je), tapi to each their own la kan.

and by the way, at which point do you stop? when you're perfect, and you dont look like you anymore? tapi it is never perfect isnt it? because once u r not happy with yourself, there is always that one thing yang u wish to change about yourself. "my eyes could be bigger,smaller,more oval,more slanted upwards, rounder", "my waist could be smaller" "my legs could be leaner, longer, smoother," "my toenails could be more square, pinker, rounder" and it will never stop.

and this got me thinking. what are people basing their surgeries on? whose idea of "beauty" is it yang they follow? and if there is any general definition of beauty at all. or is it just mass media feeding us ideas of what THEY think as beautiful, and we follow?

and anyway, why the hell is it so shallow anyway? i do ask myself sometimes of what makes a person beautiful and you know what? i answer, people with translucent skin, doe eyes, high cheekbone, and thick flowy hair. see how shallow i am? it is people like me who causes people like them to drive themselves to feel they dont look good enough and that they need plastic surgery.

is beauty just a physical feature after all? or is it skin deep? and if it is skin deep, you know,inner beauty kind of thing, then why is it only good looking (again, what is the definition of good looking? and what makes us think that a certain feature looks good?) people yang labelled as beautiful?

is it just maths after all? you know the old theory that says, the more symmetrical your facial features are, the more beautiful you are?

is it chemistry? mungkin these people we think beautiful, release some sort of chemical to the air, and attract us to them?

do we have a general understanding of what is beautiful which everybody agree on? or does it differ according to culture, and way of life?

what is it? what is the definition of beauty?

what is your definition of beauty? tell me.

no, tell me, seriously.

Thursday, May 20, 2010


consumerism is scary. it makes you want things you don't actually need.

for instance, you have a roof over your head, decent clothing, a decent car, 3210 cell phone, line phone, PC & internet connection, a TV set, and you can afford food.

you should be happy as a clown right? you have all the basic necessity covered right?


you may have a link terrace house roof over your head, but you will want a condominium-with-a-swimming-pool-and-a-gym-which-you-dont-use-but-u-want-anyway-because-it-sounds-awesome roof on your head. succeeding to have that, you will want to have a-bungalow-with-10-rooms-and-a-swimming-pool-and-also-a-fire-place roof over your head because its awesome-er than what you have now.

you may have a decent clothing you wear, but the moment someone comes over clad in Guess or LV or Prada or Calvin Klein or tah apa lagi out there, you will want that too. and when you ask yourself why, you cant find a good enough answer.

you may have a 3210 cell phone which functions perfectly for calls and messages, but the moment that jerk ass friend waves his new i-phone/blackberry/whateverphonewithpolyphonicringtone infront of your face, why, you will want that too. when the fact is, you survived just fine with what you had.

same thing applies with everything else. you want something yang society tells you as something you really need. and in my opinion, we want all these craps because they exist in the first place. manufacturers are smart. they feed on our wants and greeds for something that looks better than something we already have. they know that we are a sucker for that kind of things, and that somehow we need to prove ourselves superior than other people. and they feed us this crap that makes us think that it makes us a better person to own something which is more expensive, more modern, more cutting edge, more more more more.. than everybody else. when everything is just plain greed.

as the Budhism teaches its followers, it is stated in the 2nd (of 4) noble of truth that the cause of suffering is infact desire or craving, and ignorance. ignorance to i wont touch la sebab its not the topic of the day.

so this is what i got from

"is the deep-seated desire that all living beings have for the pleasures of the senses, and for life itself. For instance, people always seek to enjoy good food, entertainment and pleasant company. Yet none of these can give them complete and lasting satisfaction. After the fine meal has been eaten, the beautiful music heard and the pleasant company shared, one is still not content. One would like to enjoy these pleasures again and again, and for as long as possible.

People who desire to own many things also can never be fully satisfied too. Like children in a toyshop, they crave all the attractive things they see around them. But like children, they soon become dissatisfied with what they already have and desire more. Sometimes, they can hardly eat or sleep until they get what they want. Yet when they succeed in getting what they want, they may still find their happiness short-lived. Many will be too worried for the safety and condition of their new possessions to enjoy it. Then when the object they possess eventually breaks into pieces and has to be thrown away, they will suffer its loss even more.

When we have obtained something we desire, we may want more and more of it, and so greed arises. Because of desire and greed, people will lie, cheat and steal to get what they want. Uncontrolled desires can also lead to addiction, for example, to smoking, drinking and overeating, all of which lead to suffering and cause mental and physical harm.

If another person prevents one from getting what is desired, one may feel anger towards that person. Desire, when obstructed, can lead to ill will and anger. This in turn can lead to harsh words, violent quarrels and even fights or killings. All this is suffering."

Consumerism is just that. it is something that feeds our wants and greeds.

Don't even get me started on the impacts it brings. It clearly highlights class differences and widen socioeconomic gaps since the use of the consumer goods is a display of class status(more suffering). Sadly, this had been going on since ancient times. just look at the lavish tombs of the Egyptian pharaohs and how it contrasts with the tombs of the kuli kuli and slaves.

now lets ask ourselves, do we really want to have a part in that?



Yes Kai, i've put you on the map.

Monday, May 17, 2010

According to me.

According to you
I'm stupid
I'm useless
I can't do anything right

According to you
I'm difficult
Hard to please
Forever changing my mind
I'm a mess in a dress
Can't show up on time
Even if it would save my life
According to you

But according to him
I'm beautiful, incredible
He can't get me out of his head
According to him
I'm funny,irresistible
Everything he ever wanted
Everything is opposite
I don't feel like stopping it
So baby tell me what I got to lose
He's into me for everything I'm not
According to you

According to you
I'm boring
I'm moody
You can't take me any place

According to you
I suck at telling jokes cause I always give it away
I'm the girl with the worst attention span
You're the boy who puts up with it
According to you
According to you

But according to him
I'm beautiful,incredible
He can't get me out of his head

I need to feel appreciated
like I'm not hated
Oh, no
Why can't you see me through his eyes?
It's too bad you're making me dizz-ay

According to me
you're stupid
you're useless
you can't do anything right

But according to him
I'm beautiful, incredible
He can't get me out of his head

i was listening to the radio and this song keluar. i went wtf. thats so me membebel kat adem(adem being the singer and me being the "you"). hahahahhaha.

sayang, i know ive said some pretty nasty things to you, and sometime (more often than not) meant it, tapi i loooooveeee you despite all that.

tapi you're just like Bob with more insensitive remarks and less clue.

and yeah according to me, you're still an insensitive ass. tapi i love you sangat. :D theeeheee.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Kyreel Khalid

I wanted to copy paste this to your Facebook wall, but couldn't find your name. I keep on getting hits form Melbourne so I'm assuming that is you (I have told you numerous times to stop reading my blog because it contains only crap. However, since you keep on checking it out, here's a post for you)

You are a Grammar Nazi.

According to,

1.Grammar Nazi
Someone who believes it's their duty to attempt to correct any grammar and/or spelling mistakes they observe. Usually found hanging around Irc chatrooms hounding "n00bs".

2.Grammar Nazi
noun (pl. -s)
1. A person who uses proper grammar at all times, esp. online in emails, chatrooms, instant messages and webboard posts; a proponent of grammatical correctness. Often one who spells correctly as well.

2. a – A person who believes proper grammar (and spelling) should be used by everyone whenever possible. b – One who attempts to persuade or force others to use proper grammar and spelling. c – One who uses proper grammar and spelling to subtly mock or deride those who do not; an exhibitor of grammatical superiority. d – One who advocates linguistic clarity; an opponent of 1337-speak. e – One who corrects others' grammar; the spelling police.

proper noun
3. A nickname, pseudonym or handle for a well-known grammar nazi (defs. 1 and 2) within a particular social circle, used to show either great respect or great contempt for his or her abilities.

verb (transitive)
4. To correct the grammar of (a person's speech, a piece of writing, etc.); to edit for grammar and spelling; to proofread.
1. A grammar nazi knows the difference between "there," "their" and "they're."

2. Teh grammar nazis haev invadd r formu.

3. Grammar Nazi, help me with my English homework please.

4. He totally grammar nazied my article, replacing pronouns and rewriting clauses.

3. Grammar Nazi
To the previous poster. It is spelled grammar, not grammer.<< LOL!!!!
I know, I'm a grammar nazi
nazi communist facist spelling whore marc

4. Grammar Nazi
A captious individual who cannot resist the urge to correct a spelling and/or grammar mistake even in informal settings. After pointing out the linguistic shortcomings in others, a Grammar Nazi feels a strange sense of twisted and unconstructive intelligentsia delight.

In reality, they are making someone else feel bad for no reason and unintentionally implying that their "superior" grammar skills are all they have to show for a wasted liberal arts education.

While proper grammar usage is all well and good, a Grammar Nazi cavils even insignificant errors in English to somehow win an argument. Of course, rather than being genuinely persuasive in an argument, pointing out English errors is a weak attack only on the typist's credibility and never has any bearing on the underlying premises and assertions therein.

In other words, this is simply a disguised ad hominem argument which intelligent and logical people disregard.

Still, one should strive to spell and use words properly, but arrogant and unsolicited advice is not a very persuasive way to teach English.

Average High Schooler: So U R their in Britin, than?

Insecure English PhD (aka Grammar Nazi): I am in England studying here at Oxford, sir, and I prefer you talk to me only in Ye Olde Englishe like a good chap because language can never evolve.

Some High Schooler: LOL!!!!11 Hve fun nvr getting laid!1111!!!!

5.grammar nazi

A person who criticizes someone else's grammar, spelling, and/or punctuation, usually in an online setting. While they are often seen as uptight assholes who really need to get a life, it should be noted that they point out simple flaws that often show a lack of intelligence on the part of the person being criticized.
That grammar nazi's an ass, but he is right that you're stupid.

6.Grammar Nazi
A real grammer Nazi will understand this joke. :]
Person 1: I'm a grammer Nazi!

Person 2: No, you are not a grammar Nazi.

7.Grammar Nazi
A literate on a bad day. Usually found when said literate is in an irritable mood, or has dealt with too much illiteracy in a given time period.

When a literate is in Grammar Nazi mode, they are usually found correcting all sorts of typos & grammar and/or punctuation errors.
She was being a Grammar Nazi, correcting each & everyone one of his mistakes.


"The standard response of the functionally illiterate when taken to task for their sins against the mother tongue is to label the offending party a Grammar Nazi. "Heil Grammatik" is a common saying for Grammar Nazi's. Everyone hates Grammar Nazis because they are the ultimate lulz killers."

You are a Grammar Nazi,
and so am I.

Your name is spelled "Khairil" not "Kyreel". Noob.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010


a cycle will never stop.
it goes round and round and round.
and the only way to stop it is to break the cycle all together.

i feel strangely relieved.

Monday, May 10, 2010

wedding dress

its a slow day to day at the office. oleh itu my mind is allowed to wander kesana sini.

yesterday, i went to my office mate's wedding at Selayang. (congratulations to the newly weds Isa and Aida!). and being an overthinker that i am, the wedding triggered lets-plan-my-wedding gland which releases some hormone which leads my brain to well, plan.

i want a small intimate wedding. one is because well, i wanna get married cepat, so the funding yang dikumpulkan to get married cepat will not suffice for the kind of wedding i have in mind. (think good food[no bukan nasi minyak and ayam merah and sirap whatever.] nak kata aku snobbish? fine katalah), twinkling fairy lights, lots of white roses(jasmine smells lovely, tapi mum kata mcm creepy. so ok. roses sudah) all over the place sampai kalau the guests baik pun they still smell like roses, good goodie bags for the guests. and abanyak lagi. im a very particular person (read: control freak). and a small wedding will allow me to focus on the smallest details. as they say the god is in the details. and reason number 2 is kalau i invite immediate family and close friends, i know the ceremony akan jadi sangat full of love. like "awwwwhh, everybody here loves meee. *bergenang air mata*" kind of atmosphere. that is what i want in my wedding. so say 200-250 people max.

oh me and future husband akan share one ceremony so takde belah laki belah perempuan thing. we're family. there should only be one belah.

so semalam i checked out several possible venues for wedding. hotel ballroom is out of the question. rumah juga out. halls juga out. i want an outdoor wedding. oleh itu haruslah buat malam. kalau tak, nanti i meragam sbb panas. so kalau malam ada tinkling fairy lights, trickling sound of water, lanterns, candles etc. sangat romantic. something like this

and banyak lagi. malas nak cari gambar. yang penting key point adalah:

-dim lights. glittering fairy lights and lanterns. and candles.
-scent of roses
-water feature(jangan hujan sudah)
-slow music. i think i prefer sundanese seruling.
-sit down 4(atau 3 depending on the money we're willing to blow) course dinner. tak payah gerak sana sini. sbb i sgt dont like buffets. kena beratur. hahaha.

ok next. wedding ring. i like rings with flat surface. mungkin something like this will do

tapi mine mcm banyak sangat bling je. ok. so something like that with a toned down bling. (adam is a lucky guy or what?)

pastu the guy's wedding attire. i takmo tux or coats or baju melayu. semak.

high collared like seen above. in white. and slacks. and shiny shoes. :D

my wedding dress is agak tricky. sbb i sgt particular, so tak jumpa anything like it dalam the web. i want to have flowy chiffon empire waist dress yang dia punya train meleret tak hengat. with flowy sleevs.

something Victorian-cut like the above would be nice. tapi made of materials as seen below.

pastu this is how i would wanna look like on my wedding day.

fresh faced, rosy cheeked bride.

TAPI sebab my eyes tak blue and my bone structer tak sharp, and my skin complexion is just horrid, id prolly cover up all my flaws guna make up and look like this.(u know, minus the high cheek bone, sharp eyes, and all-in-all kelawaan)

all smokey eyed, false shading and fake lashes. hahahah.

but this is like still soo far in the future.

for now im stuck in the fluorescent lit office. letting my mind wander.

exposed brick wall II

agak agak this is how my room is gonna look like

yang dalam the last picture, the protruded out space at the top looks like a walk in closet. but its NOT. its actually bathroom, malas nak letak material berbeza masa buat drawing. hahahahahaha. and no, dalam toilet bukan timber strip flooring. i mandi bersepah. habis termites attack nanti.

however the brick shouldnt be brown in color i think. too overwhelming. perhaps sandy or white in colour. hmm.

p.s: do NOT judge my designing ability according to the uploaded presentation. i know its crap. hahahaha. alaaa nak forward to consultant je pun. agak2 diorg faham sudah. kalau nak render segala bagai baik hire me terus.(ok. sebenarnya im a pemalas. banyak je alasan.)

Sunday, May 9, 2010

bare brick wall.

attaching JPEG file of my room layout design(im designing my own room. i wont even pretend that i dont think its cool. *super wide annoying grin*) to mum as im typing this.


timber strips floor finishes and barebrick wall. ahhh. cant wait to see how it turns out like. im super excited.


i went to the site (heehee, i just called my house yang tengah di construct "site") and the plastering is amazing. so smooth i almost felt like licking it.(i know im weird. the other day, soon after i hang up on my bf after yet another whining and bawling session with him, i look at my BB and felt like licking it because it was so tear drenched that i wonder whether my phone had turned salty. gross kan? haha.)

now im tempted to leave it as is. it almost look like bare concrete wall. timber strip and concrete wall finishes. super minimalism.


oh boy, oh boy, would you look at that. dont u just want that in your bedroom with some pop art pieces hanging on it? dont u? dont uuuu?? or maybe black and white photos of buildings hanging asymmetrically.

and then look at this one.

it feels very loft-y.and cosy. like when it is raining outside in the morning and you are all warm and snuggled up under your comforter, listening to the sound of rain, and breathing in the smell of freshly brewed coffee.

oh man. this is going to be tough.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

style covered (title borrowed from Hana Tajima's blog)

so i have two covered style icon.

numero uno would be Hana Tajima of . she has wicked style. very elegant and chic and yet somehow, modest.
p.s: Hana if you're reading this, i LOVE you. and that suede grey laced up boots you're wearing. i cant wait for Maysaa's launch.

the second one would be Yuna Zarai. u know, the singer. her style is so fresh and young and just aweeesommee. she's able to pull off combat boots and trench coat and still rock her hijjab.

now, i just read on Hana's twitter that she would like to dress Yuna in Maysaa (Hana's clothing line) and perhaps collaborate.

i think it is superawesome but..

dont leave me out guys T_T (hahaha. seriously ska, who are you to even say that?)

perhaps you can use my expertise to design your boutique? i will not charge consultation fees, i promise.

ive designed a loft for Calvin Klein before when i was in the Uni, it was never built and Mr Klein never knew about it.. but still...

the above are the said loft(presentation is a bit of a mess. but in my defense,i did this one in only 2 days because i was in a hurry to get my portfolio done) .

let me know guys. no consultation fees. :D

(mcm diorg baca je my blog kan. *sigh*)

Pages - Menu