Friday, April 2, 2010

stars.


I always have people questioning my judgments. Left, right, and center. Im pretty much used to it, and by now am immune to it. However, there is one particular judgment of mine that people question repeatedly, which consequently, leads me to believing that perhaps im making the wrong choices.

You see, I have been studying and exploring the world of architecture for a while now, in fact, I have spent 1/5 of my life in the realms of design and services and structures and flows and materials and submissions and late nights (better stop now before it becomes one of those lets-bitch-about-architecture sessions) and what not. And I have drawn a conclusion that, hell, I do not ever want to be stuck in this endless rut hole where hopes and dreams go to die (no offense to passionate architects out there who are probably bitching about me, saying “don’t hate the game, if you are not a good player”, yes, I know architecture[to YOU] is life itself, but for me it rips the life out of me. Its one of those one-man’s-meat-is another-man’s-poison thing)

Where, was I? ah yes. Don’t want to be an architect. And so, I have decided that I want to be a scholar. I have always found joy in teaching. During exams we (me and my course mates) have always split topics between us to study so that we can teach each other the topics. We even came up with notes of the assigned topic. And I enjoyed watching them squirm as they read – trying to decipher (sbb my hand writing is just undeniably ugly) is more of the correct terms- my notes.

The process of understanding something and spreading it out to some other people and watching their faces as realizations dawns upon them has always been an exhilarating experience for me.

And hearing this, some have questioned me “susah susah belajar tak tido malam kenapa nak jadi lecturer?” “apasal tak aim higher?” and some other stuff yang I cant remember dah. And this constant stream of questions of my choice kind of got to me, and it got me questioning my own judgments. I feel as though being, or wanting to be a scholar is just not ambitious enough. I feel as though Im just reaching for tree trunks when I should be reaching for the highest star.

Im VERY lucky to be blessed with a very smart other half who can straighten up my all-crooked-up perspectives. He told me that we all have our own stars to reach for. And we all have different priorities in life, and mine just happen to be happiness and not fame or glory or money (I can’t deny that id love to have lots and lots of money. Chaching! $_$. Tapi itu bukanlah priority), and that there is nothing wrong with not wanting to be on the front cover of People magazine.

See how messed up our society is? Polluting an innocent mind like mine*coughs* with this mirage yang success bermaksud kaya raya wahaha[imagine Shin Chan’s laugh yang dia imitate action kamen. Orang kaya laughs like that]

Some people live by the saying “I can rest when im 6 feet under” and kept pushing and pushing themselves. Some live their life chasing recognition, fame, and fortune. Some devote their lives for others.

So people yang question my judgments, screw u. :D

I will have fun cuddling up to my wonderful husband in front of our tatty TV set watching documentaries about mythical creatures, while our beautiful children breed sea monkeys or something, and planning about what to bring for the next day’s picnic.

And you can have fun having meeting up with some Tan Sris for the next big project, and shake hands with Tony Blair for all I care.

Because that is your star, not mine. :)

6 comments:

  1. yes! screw what other ppl say. ive grown up being a teacher's daughter & my life couldnt be happier. cmon.. when ur kids cuti, u cuti jugak kot. how cool is that?!

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  2. hahaha! same here! mum's a teacher juga. :D terbaek!

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  3. Your husband is spot on... and you trailing very closely... hahaha...

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