Friday, April 30, 2010

shame on me.

so i hacked into mr boyfriend's YM (tapi since he told me his password, its not called hacking i suppose) because im just bored and all in all a psychotic person.

his friend's list is divided into several categories named "friends" "family" "UiTM" and so on..

i dont know why but i looked for my own name in his friend's list in "friends" category.(bukan cari chat history. see im not that psychotic after all). so i scrolled up and down his "friends" category, and couldnt find my name.

i was baffled. mana nama aku weyh? dah padam ke apa?(siap dah marah segala bagai masa ni)

so i clicked all his cathegories frantically, looking for my own name.

and there in the "family" category is my name along with his siblings.


and ashamed of myself, i hung my head low.

Dear sayang,

Im sorry T_T. I love u.

your psychotic neurotic girlfriend.

i'll just put that dunce hat and go stand in the corner.

Thursday, April 22, 2010


looks like Sheffield has got to wait. permanent residency tak dapat lagi.


i promise i will make a good malaysian. so pleeeeeeeeeeassseeeee. i need my PR status. :(

just googled PR Malaysia. and everyone on google said that it is almost impossible to get.


of religion, race and nationality.

so me and Mr boyfriend (thanks for the post btw sayang, i was practically bawling at the office. ;) ) was discussing the happenings at his University. His society handled this gig at his university, and it was open to all, Malaysian or not. and the venue of the said gig just happen to be next to a bar.

and all hell broke loose.

there was another society claiming that the organizers of the gig provided alcohol during the event(which is not the case), and although the organizers of the gig had denied it, the society refused point blank to accept all the reasoning.

they came up with an open blog (which just about anyone and everyone with a modem has an access to) urging people to sign a petition that the malaysian student society come up with a strict regulation to prevent Alcoholic Consumption and Improper Social Behaviours (by this they mean making out, i suppose?)at Malaysian Events.

the niat is all and very well, but in MY opinion, i think instead of menyeru ke arah kebaikan, what they do is enforcing everyone to do what THEY think is the right thing to do(their method is rather questionable, because according to mr boyfriend, it borders on slanders, tapi takde kena mengena with me, so whatever la kan).

you see, what they keep on saying is that there shouldnt be any alcohol consumption and indecent behavior at MALAYSIAN event.

i know that it is Haram to consume alcohol in Islam, but, religion, race and nationality is just 3 different, DIFFERENT things. so what does it matter kalau there is a bar next to the venue of the event?

Plus, i think Islam is more than that. it is more than "Alcohol haram. you cant hold a gig next to a bar. u cant do this, u cant do that. u will go to hell". honestly, who are we to say that? we are just a lowly human. a servant of God. we know nothing, while God knows all.

and for me, whatever you do, it is REALLY between you and god. and so why insist on treating other people like they are a bunch of kindergarten kids? like people cant think of themselves. like this scenario for example;

*kindergarten kid eats glue*
Teacher: "you cant do that! you will get sick!"
*takes a way the glue*

this leaves no chance for the kid to think and ponder why the glue is bad for them, and why they cant eat glue. and what the kid does is following order around blindly.

please, this is NOT Islam, people. Islam is the most beautiful religion (not culture, not teachings, not rules, order, law or regulations that you follow blindly) there is. It is very open. It is very peaceful(despite the fact that its understanding has been distorted grotesquely, fact still remains, it is a peaceful religion). It is full of ponderings, and stepping back and thinking. there is NO enforcement in Islam. you serve God because you want to, not because you are forced to, or because other people tells you to. it is as simple as that.

Now, this is just a cent of my thoughts. do not trust me blindly. This is how God allows me to understand the matter and perhaps, God allows you to understand it differently(plus im rather incoherent, and so this might cause a severe misunderstanding) .

Step back, think, and ponder :)

Thursday, April 15, 2010

from my facebook notes: story of peace

this is a story of peace.

when i was in Jogja, i saw something, a brief something that moved me until today. this is a story of how a simple kind gesture can change the world.

it was Eid Mubarak, and me and my family were performing our solat Eid at Alun alun - a local tourist spot. having finished our prayer, me, my mother n my sister waited for our father n brother. and thats when i saw them. a group of Caucasian tourists - by their language i'd guess they're from Dutch - just standing there(well, the alun alun IS a local tourist spot) observing the going ons.

and considering the Islam-is-a-terrorist-religion thoughts spread world wide,i just had to wonder what they were feeling right then. but if they were mortified to see so many Muslim in one place, well, they hid it well.

so anyway, after the prayer people were pouring out of the praying area left right and centre. everybody seemed so keen to get on with the Hari Raya agenda.

Then one man came.

He looks about 40,in his late 40s perhaps. He crossed the raging crowd(which wasnt an easy feat) to get to the group of tourists.and proving my assumptions earlier right, the group of tourists seemed rather anxious to see him coming.

and then it happened.

he took their hands in his, one by one, shook them, and with a smile on his face said to them "minal aidin wal faizin" - which means(to those yang tak faham bahasa arab, including me. i looked it up) "[May you be] among [those who] have happy returns". the group looked so taken aback for a moment, but after a fraction of a second, their faces lit up, and they returned the gesture.

ladies and gentlemen. this is how a prejudice is killed. kind gesture. and with God's will, these tourists may be the ones defending Islam when lies are spread about It. they will be like "mana ada Islam jahat. haritu kitorang jumpa orang Islam..diorang OK je..siap salam salam lagi.." (well,that in Deutsch). and the peoples who heard that will, with God's will, spread it to other people, who would spread it to other people.

This is also, how we can change the world. a third party (me) yang saw the gesture, was deeply moved by it, and what im doing now is passing the thoughts on to you. i only have this to add; as Martin Luther King.Jr had excellently quoted; "..hatred can't drive out hatred, only love can do that..", it only takes a kind gesture, and a little bit of love from each and everyone of us, to change the world.

so ladies and gentlemen, act on it, or ignore it.

better world or otherwise.

its your call.

Monday, April 12, 2010


The movie Coming to America was on at HBO the other day, and I have seen it once before, and it still cracks me up the second time around.

Well anyway, there was this scene where the prince was pretending to be a pauper and had to work at a Mc Dowell fast food restaurant, mopping floor and throwing out garbage and whatnot. And there was this white guy bragging to him that he had done his dues in mopping floor and had moved on to flipping burger patties, and will soon move on to cabbage duties, and at the pace he was going, he will soon become the manager of the restaurant.

And the said guy comforted the prince in disguise that everyone has got to start from the bottom, and that the time will come when he will get the chance to flip burgers too.

Now, when I first started studying architecture, and during the time I was trying to apply for the job, I used to have a dream that I will get to design a commercial building with green belts, water feature and open planning (open planning planned so thoroughly that it catches wind and tak panas) layout and contribute a lot to decreasing the concrete jungle effect we have in the city WITHOUT having to care about the petty design of authority matters and BQ and whatnot. And instead of poring over BQ so thick that it makes the dictionary of some language with the most vocabs looks like some tatty paperback novels, to make sure that the drawing and the contract is tallied (like I did all day today) I thought I would get to design building and meet the clients to discuss their wants and needs and do one of those power handshakes u often see in the movies.

But no, as the white guy said, you gotta flip the burger before moving on to cabbage duties.

So here I am flip-flip-flippin, hoping to one day move on to cabbage duties, or better still, shake and soft drinks duties.

p.s to self: Sabar ska. You will get there eventually. Meanwhile keep on flipping those patties, at least you are not mopping floors. baby steps mon-cherrie.

Friday, April 9, 2010

a tribute to something i love.**warning: this is a bimbotic post.**

can i please please have them? please please please with cherries on top?

p.s: my birthyday is in November. 14th November.

p.p.s: Dr. Marten is a genius.

p.p.s: Alexander McQueen (RIP) is(was?) also a genius.

Friday, April 2, 2010


I always have people questioning my judgments. Left, right, and center. Im pretty much used to it, and by now am immune to it. However, there is one particular judgment of mine that people question repeatedly, which consequently, leads me to believing that perhaps im making the wrong choices.

You see, I have been studying and exploring the world of architecture for a while now, in fact, I have spent 1/5 of my life in the realms of design and services and structures and flows and materials and submissions and late nights (better stop now before it becomes one of those lets-bitch-about-architecture sessions) and what not. And I have drawn a conclusion that, hell, I do not ever want to be stuck in this endless rut hole where hopes and dreams go to die (no offense to passionate architects out there who are probably bitching about me, saying “don’t hate the game, if you are not a good player”, yes, I know architecture[to YOU] is life itself, but for me it rips the life out of me. Its one of those one-man’s-meat-is another-man’s-poison thing)

Where, was I? ah yes. Don’t want to be an architect. And so, I have decided that I want to be a scholar. I have always found joy in teaching. During exams we (me and my course mates) have always split topics between us to study so that we can teach each other the topics. We even came up with notes of the assigned topic. And I enjoyed watching them squirm as they read – trying to decipher (sbb my hand writing is just undeniably ugly) is more of the correct terms- my notes.

The process of understanding something and spreading it out to some other people and watching their faces as realizations dawns upon them has always been an exhilarating experience for me.

And hearing this, some have questioned me “susah susah belajar tak tido malam kenapa nak jadi lecturer?” “apasal tak aim higher?” and some other stuff yang I cant remember dah. And this constant stream of questions of my choice kind of got to me, and it got me questioning my own judgments. I feel as though being, or wanting to be a scholar is just not ambitious enough. I feel as though Im just reaching for tree trunks when I should be reaching for the highest star.

Im VERY lucky to be blessed with a very smart other half who can straighten up my all-crooked-up perspectives. He told me that we all have our own stars to reach for. And we all have different priorities in life, and mine just happen to be happiness and not fame or glory or money (I can’t deny that id love to have lots and lots of money. Chaching! $_$. Tapi itu bukanlah priority), and that there is nothing wrong with not wanting to be on the front cover of People magazine.

See how messed up our society is? Polluting an innocent mind like mine*coughs* with this mirage yang success bermaksud kaya raya wahaha[imagine Shin Chan’s laugh yang dia imitate action kamen. Orang kaya laughs like that]

Some people live by the saying “I can rest when im 6 feet under” and kept pushing and pushing themselves. Some live their life chasing recognition, fame, and fortune. Some devote their lives for others.

So people yang question my judgments, screw u. :D

I will have fun cuddling up to my wonderful husband in front of our tatty TV set watching documentaries about mythical creatures, while our beautiful children breed sea monkeys or something, and planning about what to bring for the next day’s picnic.

And you can have fun having meeting up with some Tan Sris for the next big project, and shake hands with Tony Blair for all I care.

Because that is your star, not mine. :)

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