Wednesday, March 24, 2010

sorry 2004

the radio played this when i was at work

(I'm sorry, I'm sorry)
Verse 1
It's like I missed a shot,
It's like I dropped the ball. (Man I'm Sorry)
It's like I'm on stage, and I forget the words. (Damn, I'm sorry)
It's like building a new house, with no roof and no doors. (Damn, I'm sorry)
It's like trying to propose, and I ain't got the ring. (Oooh damn I'm sorry)
But girl I've apologized a million times before. (I'll apologize a million more)
So here it comes again for all the wrong I've done. (so get ready babe)
Here's one million one.

This is my sorry for 2004.
And I ain't gonna mess up no more, this year.
I'm 'a take this one chance,
and make it real clear.

case I don't tell you.


Verse 2
It's like stayin' out at night, and way too much to drink.( Damn, I'm sorry)
It's like you change your hair,
and I don't say a thing. (Damn I'm sorry)
It's like your fallin' back to sleep,
with no kiss and before we hear. (Damn I'm sorry)
It's like I forgot your gift,
on 02 14 03. (Damn. So sorry!)
But girl I've apologized a million times before. (I'll apologize a million more)
So here it comes again for all the wrong I've done. (so get ready babe)
Here's one million one.

Girl This is my sorry for, 2004.
And I ain't gonna mess up no more, this year.
I'm 'a take this one chance,
and make it real clear.

case I don't tell you.


(I'm sorry for the way that I did you)
(Sorry from the bottom of my heart for how I hurt you girl)
(Sorry on the weekend, sorry on the week days)
(Sorry for the things I did, sorry for the things I said)
(sorry for the lies)
(sorry for the time)
That I didn't give you what you want,
That I didn't give you what you like.
All that I can do is,
tell you that I'm sorry babe.
(I'm sorry babe, I'm sorry)
All them strip clubs,
all them hot tubs.
I'm gonna give them up,
'cause I don't want to lose you now.

Cause this is my sorry for, 2004.
And I aint gonna mess up no more, this year.
I'm 'a take this one chance,
and make it real clear.

case I don't tell you.

This is my sorry for, 2004.
And I ain't gonna mess up no more, this year.
I'm 'a take this one chance,
and make it real clear.

case I don't tell you.

lagi la i feel sorry for myself.

boohoo ska. get a grip.

Monday, March 22, 2010

unhealthy obsession

so i went to a Japanese bufet at Equatorial hotel last Sunday and the spread was amazing. well, not in the sense of variety, its pretty much the same in that sense, u know, sushis, sashimis, tenpuras and such, tapi it tasted better than most of Japanese buffets i've been to.

and the first thought that came to mind was "Adem would love this" and i started making mental notes to take him here nanti once he's back in Malaysia, then i realized while chewing on my mushi maki ebi, "well, this is unhealthy(not the food. the thought.)"

my life has always revolved around him, and he's always, always on my mind all the time. when im eating something nice, when im designing my room, when i came across some funny quotes, when im watching a good movie, when im cynical about something, when i see rainbows and rain drops and morning dew, when i hear birds chirping, every time. i always think "i wish i get to share it with him". kalau its the angau phase of the 1st to 6th month of the relationship takpe lagi. ni dah almost 5 years.

im not trying to be mushy, but i think my soul(ke brain ke heart ke whatever the heck it is yang always makes me think of him) must be connected with his since im always thinking about him, subconsciously and consciously. and i can say that it is really unhealthy. to have such connection, i can bet it is going to hurt to break it. now, im not saying that im planning to break up with him, or see it in near future, but you just never know. things that are too good to be true are bound to mess up(im being pessimistic, tapi its not said "TOO good to be true" for nothing dont you think?).

and when it happens, it is going to kill me.

ok. must stop unhealthy obsession towards Adam.

Now, how do the heck do i do that? oh, i know. i'll just write "dont think about Adam" on my palm. oh wait, that is just going to get me thinking about him.

oh well, im screwed. (-_-")

thank you Adam for putting me in this state. boo you.

Friday, March 19, 2010


no, bukan habis dijual. itu Sold out.

so im a junior architect in a local architectural firm, and i design buildings. kind of like that Ted Mosby the architect in HIMYM.

remember that episode where he had to design the Goliath National Bank's Head Quarter and he came up with a very airy building with "home away from home" concept, and barney's boss/co-worker Wilson (or something) crushed the idea since he'd rather have a building so dark and depressing so that the workers wouldn't think about home?

and so, Ted had to compromise and concede because after all, what the clients want, the clients get.

but it really conflicts with his principles since, after all an architecture is a shelter. and how it is designed affect the occupants' psychological being greatly. and if an architect were to come up with a poorly designed building, the occupants of the building will suffer from the "building pathology syndrome" which by the way includes severe case of depression and melancholy. but he has to go ahead and design it anyway as it is what the clients want. oh and it is also his bread and butter.(ni semua guesswork. hahah. but he prolly feels that way)

ini ladies and gentlemen, is a classic case of selling out. like what you probably see in art scene (tapi good thing is these days indie artists(bless them) are the 'in' thing, so tak banyak lah selling out yang happen among them). say, Yusof Haslam and that douche of a son he has for example. mungkin they have some incredible idea cooking up inside their heads, a movie about prejudice and racial integration with a tragic ending where everybody dies(ok prolly im just giving them too much credits, but who knows la kan?), but no, who would watch that? so what do they do? they come up with movies people(not me) would watch. something with a tajuk that starts with "cinta" and throw in some big stars into the whole concoction of the god forsaken movie, and voila! box office. or a movie about some social ilness. like rempit, bohsia, and maybe someday, about OraNG yAng sUKa TulIS lIKe Thi$$$. what they do is, they rot our brains when they can stimulate it beause it brings in more money, as apparently people like to rot their brains, and would pay good money to do so.

ini juga namanya selling out. atau just plain stupidity(which i suspect is the case with those two).

selling out also happen to commoner. someone who, lets say, designed a building with 85% efficiency, but swapped it to a design with only 81% efficiency because her clients prefer it that way. or ignores the GBI (Green Building Index) because it brings in more money that way.

like me. :(

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

future.(im a control freak, i feel that it is of a great importance to plan beforehand)

so i'll be turning 24 this year. and (hopefully), i'll be flying off to the UK to get my masters. which will take about 1 year. so by the time i finish the course, i'll be 25. thats about the time when my other half finishes his studies too.

and we decided that perhaps it is best for us to get a job in the UK first, u know add a new country to the list of countries we've lived in(that will be 2 for him 4 for me. i win!). gain new experience, meet new people, learn other cultures and ways of life and stuff. im sure it will be an eye-opening, horizon broadening experience.

and i know for a fact that both my parents would want me to get married in a ceremony so grand ala queen's oom pah pah ball(kalau ikutkan hati i'd rather just get married in a mosque and be done with it. very economical). so to get money for that(i at least would like to chip in for my wedding, otherwise id make my husband-to-be look like a moron. no make that a cheapskate moron), we're gonna have to work for at least a year(still, if we saved 1k per month, we'll still end up with only 12k each. cukup ke?). so if things go well, i'll be 26 by the time i get married.

and no babies until 1 year later, because i think it is extremely important to provide a stable(bukan kandang kuda) life for the baby. so that's 1 year's worth of cari permanent adress, buy a car, and settling down.

so i'll be 27 by the time i have a baby growing inside my tummy, and give 9 months, by the time my baby is born, i will be 28. and that is the best case scenario. what if things go wrong? being a pessimist, i always assume that things go wrong because that way, i will know the turn out will be good, or at least expected. so lets add one year to the list to allow any messing up to happen.

so the grand number would be *drum rolls* 29 years of age!!! *gasp* lama nya.
i mean look at them..

yes, i know, they will be a shade or two darker. they will be beautiful all the same!

and look at these cute socks!

and this baby suit

and baby mittens.

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. how can i wait that looong?????

im sorry, i have to end this entry on that note. im coming down with a baby fever.

p.s: sayang, u better get rich. and fast!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Today is the day of frustration.

So anyway, I went to this website where u get to chat with some random anonymous stranger. And this stranger gave me a tip that may or may not be true, and if it is, then it might save peoples' lives. When I told bunch of people about this they won't listen. Ala ala cerita The Eye where that blind-not blind-whoops!blind again girl tried to warn everyone that disaster is coming. They ridiculed my concern. Sheesh!

So, when no one would listen to me, I went to this er, government body(?)yang would. Yeah they listened alright. BUT they think they are incapable of handling such big issues, and advised me to drive over to their head office. Oh and they appreciated my effort. Like that freaking matters.

Why is it so hard to save people's life? Why do people have to be cynical about such important things(not that ud know what I'm talking about. Tapi I'm just really frustrated and I need to write)? Its a matter of safety for crying out loud!! Sure it may not happen, but that's just it with uncertainty isn't it? The possibility of both are pretty much the same. So why take chances with matters of such great importance?

So say, if "sparks fly tomorrow" please don't blame me. I did all I could to prevent it from happening.

Friday, March 12, 2010


Sgt happy. Didn't know what to do. So I write.

I got into Sheffield. :D

Waiting for Cardiff. Really torn between the 3. Nottingham has the most beautiful campuses. Sheffield has higher rank. Cardiff (mcm dapat masuk je haha) tops the chart, tapi mahal :(.

I'm very grateful to God. Alhamdulillah.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

|> |> (its supposed to look like a fast forward button)

Robin : i must say there's something admirable about the way Barney wants to stay young at heart. i mean, who wants to get old?

Ted: THIS GUY(points to himself). Robin, life is a meal, and old age the desert. i spend so much time worrying about the future. where's my carrier going? who am i gonna marry? but when you're old, you dont worry because all that stuff has already happened. plus, you get to wear comfy shoes and a chair takes you up and down the stairs. its perfect.
- a dialogue from HIMYM

dude, i so sometimes agree with you.

yesterday i caught myself nagging to my little brother "study hard, get into a good school" plus some usual stuff our mums used to nag about but we wont listen to back then. then, i get to thinking. whats all this for? we get ourselves ready for the future since the wee age of say, 6? and for what? so we can make a lot of money? so we can have a better living?

some people even planned for their babies to get into the best nursery school even before the baby was born so that it will guarantee the unborn baby a place at the best school, and later the best higher institution. kinda makes you ask yourself why we were born doesn't it? well, if you think it like that no doubt, you will feel all lost, and helpless, and purposeless. you're gonna get to think "all this effort.. just to guarantee a good living before we die. then whats the purpose of even being born?" (ok,you there! pls jangan depress. put down that knife ur holding at ur wrist)

well, i thought this out and i say we were born for the journey. have you read "5 people you meet in heaven"(tak ingat sangat the tajuk but its by Mitch Albom. i lagi prefer Tuesdays with Morris though. ok lari topic.)? the story is pretty much about the people in our lives whom we've met throughout our lives. not necessarily a close acquaintance. could be just some stranger who passed you by the street who touched you(not physically) and makes you think and shape u as a person or at least alter that thread of fate by just being in contact with you. because future is in fact just series of actions and consequences which depends greatly on the people we are in contact with.(ok apa i nak cakap tadi? i rasa dah nak masuk to the realms of time and space and einstein and his theory of how time travel is possible but i dont think it is because there are like a universe of could be's and couldnt be's basing on the choices we make everyday.ok tu post lain nanti. where was i? *sheesh my SAD is out of control* oh yeah. journey)

so as much as i sometimes just want to press forward, skip the journey and just get to the end of the story, i think it is important for us to enjoy and suffer whatever it is that we need to go through in life, and fulfill our responsibilities to make this world a better place for others. for we live in this world to benefit others, and from others. and put in mind that we touch people on our way to the end, so lets make sure that the impact we're leaving from that touch is the positive ones. :)

Monday, March 1, 2010

tom tom bak

so during the loong weekend, i got to spend sometime with my siblings(read:arguing, fighting over the remote control, having to stand their annoying chantings of "tefetafah yafang bufusufuk", and such) and during those QUALITY time we spent together, i got to see one of the TV program yang seemed to be very popilar among them(while waiting for MY turn of hogging at the TV). tom tom bak ke apa tah cant remember. tapi at the end of the show, there are bunch of little kiddies performing lah.

and lemme tell you, it was disturbing. some little guy can really sing, and thats all and very well but the rest of them... haih. there was even this little girl, grinding and twisting and bouncing, to Shakira's my hips dont lie. call me VERY CONSERVATIVE, but i dont think it is appropriate for a girl that age to be exposed in such a way.

i also saw a little girl on youtube, dressed next to nothing, dancing to Beyonce's All the single lady, smacking her own behind. it was disturbinggggggg. sheesh! a child should never ever be exposed in such a way. you dont know who might be watching. not only that, kids these days, seem to be in such a hurry to grow up. they wear midriff baring little t-shirts and low cut jeans, clutching on their little cellphones like their lives depended on it, with their heels on, talking about diets. kiddies let kakak tell you, its so not fun to grow up.

Back to the Tom Tom Bak issue, for a child wanting to be on TV gaining fame and recognition is also rather disturbing. where had gone the time when all a kid wanted to do was to main masak masak, and to climb a tree, and to main hujan and main longkang? it certainly says something about our culture now doesnt it? the culture where fame and recognition is considered as success, where celebrities are worshiped, where entering a reality show is a fast track to success.

the children are our future. Now, do we really need a future where superficial and material things are everything? where what's outside is more important than what's inside? This being-famous-is-so-awesome thing has been glamorized by the media, and hence the impact(or shall i say damage?) is further increased.

i know full well that a child's interests shouldn't be suppressed, so if my children express interest in music, i'll go all Debussy, Beethoven and Chopin on them.

Let children be children, or at least, if they are in a hurry to grow up, grow them into a non-shallow adults.

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