Saturday, February 20, 2010


(-_-") haih. my inner demon broke free again. i swear i dah put it on a leash. i went all "whoaaaa down girl!!! down!", to no avail.

it is really Really REALLY hard for me not to retaliate. i do not like people thinking they are more superior than me. not that i think that i am more superior than them. just i cant stand the idea of people biting me off and me not biting back, for me that is a sign of weakness. i might be mistaken. but that is me. and i've been putting a leash (electric collar and all) on my demon, i tried really hard to not retaliate tapi tak berjaya. haish.

one example was when theres this girl, putting up a picture similar to mine and one of her uh...supporter (?) saying things like her picture was "better than...."(then i assumed mine). then i terasa. hahahhaha. whatever. how can i not be?

so i retaliated. i put up my picture(the one yang agak similar tu), and told my bestfriend the cerita. being my bestie that she is, she commented on my picture "well awak two thumbs up. better than....." (she lets her inner demon roams free btw). and i puas hati.

i dont know why i cant just let it go. and why i find it necessary to stoop to their level(s). its too high school for the sake of all that's pure. too Blair Waldorf.

i just (somehow always)feel the need to strike back. the plotting and scheming is too much of a pull for me.

im so sending my inner demon to military school. *sigh*

p.s: to those yang terasa, sorry.

Monday, February 15, 2010

CFA. (control freak anonymous)

hi everyone, im ska (chorus: hiiii skaaaa)

i've been a control freak ever since i can remember, but i have only realized it several months back. i notice that it is exceptionally hard for me to let loose.

i realized that i was a control freak when these symptoms begins to surface. the symptoms being:

- when i plan, i plan with military precisions.

- i raise hell and raze things to the ground when things dont go according to plan.

- i freak big time when i run even 3 minutes late.

- i dont drink or do drugs because i do not like losing control of my thoughts.

- i must know what goes on or what will go on beforehand, to plan.

- im preoccupied with negligible details.

- it is exceptionally hard for me to refrain myself from not having the last word in
an argument.

- i dont really fancy window shopping because i must first know what im looking for
to shop.

- it is hard for me to go shopping because im too particular of what im looking for.
and if i dont find the things i had i mind, i dont buy.

- im an architecture student, and in designing building, im only comfortable when my design is of a symmetrical design.(ok thats bordering on OCD but.. ah well..)

so there it is everyone. im a control freak. see u next week.
(claps from CFA members)

Friday, February 12, 2010

a cover story

this is a story of the first few months i covered up (hence the tajuk, i tak conceited sangat la kan nak bajet what i do is a cover story)

ok so anyway, two or three friends of mine asked me why i decided to cover up, most of them asked Lydia (so sorry for the trouble i have no idea why they didnt just ask me haha, but then again im a hermit, i never leave my cave, so perhaps they dont see me, so they had to ask u. haha), and the rest made their own assumptions.

one of the most outrageous version i heard was "oh she's just trying to get my attention"-unknown lame guy. uhhuh, sure guy.

while the most common being, "oh, she's getting married soon". yeah fat chance.

i dont even understand the link there. like in a word association games:

"if hat is to head and glove is to hand, hijjab is to..?" and people say marriage. like?? apakah? dont get it. wont ever get it.(bad example kan? haha)

some of them seem genuinely happy for me. and some are just plain cynical. like "tak lama lah tu", funny thing is, those who say it are those who dont know me that well. so i just go like "yeah okay, uhhuh, uhhuh, yeahhhh (insert name here) i dont really care" i have more important things to do than care about ppl perceptions. like count the pebbles in my backyard. or trying to guess what the clouds resembles. or figuring out the tones of grass or something. but i have to admit, one time too many, and it starts to annoy me. its like people are waiting for you to mess up. ah well, thats just life i guess.

so anyway, some people tell me that dah pakai tudung ni i should dress up more stylishly. like "pakai tudung tak semestinya jadi macam makcik"- anonymous male friend. wow, thanks friend. okay. sure on the surface being stylish is nice. but im a firm believer in its-whats-inside-that-counts theory. no, dont get me wrong, i dont leave the house in track bottoms or anything like that (no wait, i do, at night. but i get in and out of the car cepat2)and i do care about what i wear juga. but its not to the point that i have to make sure im presentable ALL the time. that i have to keep up with the current trend and keep my wardrobe updated once a month. i do believe that you are not what u wear. u might be all stylish and CURRENT. but that doesnt really confirm that you have an equally CURRENT state of mind. and no, this is not me justifying my lack of interest in shopping and updating my wardrobe. its just as i had stated above im a firm believer that what's going on inside your head is more important than what you wear. and oh alright! i malas pergi shopping. as for now im very comfortable wearing jubah. very hassle free and airy.:D

and anyway, its really hard o look for the right kind of shirt u know. its either a boddy hugging long sleeved shirt, or a loose fitting tank top. or an overly expensive long sleeved loose fitting shirt. now that im getting my own money, i feel bad asking my mum for goodies unless she's offering, so a lot of those things arent in within my financial limits. and i really REALLY dont like shopping in times square. always very crowded. and why should i go thru the hassle and bussle to just shut people up?

oh hey, i think i have come up with a great solution! i'll give the next people who gives me the piss that im not dressed up accordingly, a list of thing to buy and some money to buy it. oh i'll get one of those lookbook looklet thing where you can dress up your model and come up with your own style.

here go look for something like this. cheers!

Sunday, February 7, 2010

language snob.

im such a language snob, i have a lot of problem with how people abuse it, and by god, it irritates me sangat to the point that i come up with an entry with a list of why dos.


-people like to add excessive unnecessary alphabet at the end of a word?
eg: girlZZZ, kerr, larh, Apew and such

-people like to come up with what they think as a more creative way of spelling?
eg:"skunk" for "sekarang", "neyh" for "ini", "gurlz" for "girls" and such

-people like to hold the shift key and release it repeatedly when they write a sentence?
eg: WhY dO PeoPlE LikE tO HolD THe ShIFt KEy AnD ReLeaSe It RepeTeAdly ThEY WRiTe a SenTencE?

-people like to add symbols like **** or ~~~~ or the combination of both in a sentence?
eg: ~~~hi!~~~, **hi!!***, ~~~**hi!!**~~

-people like to replace the alphabet "o" with the number "0"
eg: hell0000, n0, it d0esn't b0ther me.

-people like to replace the alphabet "u" with the alphabet "o"
eg: takot instead of takut, pon instead of pun,

and worst of all,

-why do people like to combine all the above points, and come up with a sentence so irritating? why? why? why?? why do people do that?

but then again, perhaps, these things don't irritate normal people as much as they really irritate a weird, language snob who is also a control freak who puts monica from-FRIENDS's freakines to shame. like me.

Friday, February 5, 2010

University of East London yang baik hati.

i have just received an e-mail, two emails in fact*grinning* one from UEL. and let me tell u, UEL's approach of offering me a place in their unis touched me. read this, this is their email to me.

many thanks for your application and strong (self-) critical personal
statement as well as glowing academic references and a very interesting
dissertation on Malaysian architecture, which we looked at with great
interest. The way you approcached the topic is similar to how we teach and
your interests of local and modern architecture together with a global
conscience (both environmentally, but also in this world of generalisations
and prejudices which you so critically write about in your published pieces
of work), are ' ethical' standpoints we encourage students to develop and
which are important for an architecture student as a wider reference world to
draw upon in your own work

Your own self- critical approach and carefully thought out personal statement
are admirable, and together makes for a strong application. As a result, we
would love to offer you a place on our course, I will inform the university
and they will send a formal offer out in due course. We think that the course
could offer you the necessary skills to help you negotiate between the
vernacular world and its translation to the 21st century and develop a new
aesthetic language. We mostly have projects in the UK, however for
international students, we are happy and encourage you to work in your own
country and I think this could be very powerful for you. As you [probably
know, we have a very international and diverse group of students and I think
this is something which you will flourish in.

Lastly, some words in Bahasa Indonesia: Saya tinggal di Yogya di tahun
1993-1994 denggan keluarga angkat( Dr. Ir. Toni Atyanto), and we have a quite
a few excellent Malysaian students onb our course and in diploma school -
I can get you in touch with them for a more informal chat if this is
something you wish!? Do let me know .

"The way you approcached the topic is similar to how we teach and
your interests of local and modern architecture together with a global
conscience (both environmentally, but also in this world of generalisations
and prejudices which you so critically write about in your published pieces
of work
), are ' ethical' standpoints we encourage students to develop and
which are important for an architecture student as a wider reference world to
draw upon in your own work"


the ugly truth

the ugly truth about architecture students from FB group. no exaggerations. seriously.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN ARCHITECTURE STUDENT WHEN... know the janitors by name.

...your roommates say "good morning," and you reply "good night." carry a toothbrush in your backpack.

...someone asks you for your phone number and you give them the studios. start paying rent for your desk space in studio.

...You total up 3 meals of the day to your breakfast.

...'Red Bull' is you favorite drink.

...all of the Christmas gifts you give are wrapped in trace. ask Santa Clause for architecture supplies. ask Santa Clause for a sleeping bag.

...after all of your expenses, you can't afford to pay attention have 3 or more cups of double shot coffee espressos in one night hear the same song on the radio 3 or more times in one night.

... You know the different taste between UHU and Pritt glue

... You can stay alive without sunlight, communicate with people nor having foods but you would commit suicide if the plotter doesn't plot your work out

...the only sleep you get is in your G. E. classes. workers are already working.

...You've lost your house key and u realized week later sleep more than 16 hrs at weekends

...u dance madly at 3 am though u aren't drunk note smt with yr drafting pen or yoken

... You are an expert and Photoshop, illustrator and auto cad
but u don't know how to use MS excel've got 2 subjects / day but u got to study it whole day spend more time in studio than in your own bed.

...your parents are complaining that you're not having enough fun. only leave studio to buy supplies. haven't taken a shower in a week. see showering as a waste of time.'ve ever dreamt about your models.

...upon hearing 'supermodel', you think of a nicely crafted-foam core model.

...your parents have more of a social life than you.

...your 14-year-old brother has more of a social life than you. consider using broccoli for your models. enjoy hanging out at 'Home and Garden Fair'. know all the 24-hour food places in the area.

...your friends get more sleep in one night than you do in one week.

...the streetlights turn off.

..You consider 3AM an early night.

...when you are out at 3AM, and people knows where you're at.

...everything you eat comes in single serving baggies.

...the idea of a 24 hour 'Kinko's' make's perfect sense

...smoking sounds appealing.'re out on Friday nights in studio.

...the only building on campus with its lights on is your studios'. say "It's only midnight- I have plenty of time to finish." confuse sunrise with sunset. ask what time it is, then ask "AM or PM?" strangle your roommate because she said she stayed up late studying.

...your Friday night is 68 hours long. know how much a cubic foot of concrete weighs (150lbs). slice your finger, and the first thing you think of is if you'll be able to finish your model. understand why architects have glasses and white hair.

...You call some great architects as if they are you friends.
err... Frank... Tadao. swear there are only 120 people at USC. know all of these are true, no exaggerations. can listen to all your CD's in one night.

...certain songs remind you of studio. change the style of music to country coz u r fed up with POP

...Sister's favorite brand names are Prada DNKY etc... But yours are
Mastex, Staedtler, pentel, rotring dare not to have a gf/bf coz no one can accept for what u are can conceptually compose the food on your plate. think the 'Weekender' happens every weekend.

...upon hearing 'Weekends' you think of sleep.

...the 'Shop Cafe' closes when you arrive, and reopens before you leave studio. have to wait for breakfast shops to open. go to the food shop, and order the "usual", and they understand. use architecture tools to eat. only buy groceries once a month. wake up to go to school and you're already there. start wearing all black. have no life, and admit it. start to critique a radio selection's selection of songs. bring your friends to studio to keep you company. refer to outside studio as the "Real World."

..."going out to eat" is at the 'Shop Cafe'.

...going on a vacation involves going to 'Flax' or 'Pearl'. confuse today and tomorrow. tell time by when other people leave studio. can write a 6-page term paper by procrastinating. hear "Didn't you wear that yesterday?' followed by "and the day before that?" roommate files a Missing Person Report. count the number of days (not hours) you've been awake. think days are 48 hours long. go to the store to buy a six-pack of 'Red Bull'.

..."Homecoming" happens once a term.

...on Halloween, you dress like your instructors.

...on Halloween you trick-or-treat in studio to get arch supplies or 'Red Bull.'

..."respect", "coolness', and "hatred" are all based on how much sleep you get, or lack of. see your own picture on a milk carton. start using words your instructor uses.

...your bed has collected a layer of dust on it.

...concept of time is not forward, but a countdown from the time a project is due ("What time is it?""4 hours 'till"). contemplate suicide 3 times a day. contemplate dropping your major 3 times a day. have a tent pitched in studio, but still don't go to sleep.

...doing models all night long excites you. know the people in the studio better then your roommates

...Drimmels are a lifelong investment, if you can keep the parts.

...Gesso is pointless.

...The roof, Atkinson Hall, at 4 AM -- nothing like it.

...X-acto knives can be dangerous... as we all know or will find out.

...Beer pyramids AND Red Bull pyramids are some of our late-night late projects.

...Elmer's glue doesn't dry quick -- not even close.

...They know the phrase "Always done, never done" all too well and wish the professors would stop saying it

...They can always have more construction lines.

...They know the number and price of their favorite item in the snack machine downstairs, as well as every other item and all the drinks in the other two machines.

...And if you have been drunk while in the studio working on a project, join the club.

...they believe they should be paid just for having the major drink more in studio than you do when you're out have sent messages on aim to another jackass architecture student in the same room

as you are think "X-Acto Blade Throwing" is a sport. have 3 or more 'Mountain Dews' in one night spend more time in studio than with your wife.

..."scoring" involves an X-Acto blade don't find out who wins the Presidential Election until Thanksgiving Break, if you get one at all.

...a break consists of moving your car.'ve memorized you favorite vending machine combination item (B6). use your T-square or straight edge as a baseball bat.

....the day has 2 sunrises. test which glue will cause your model to burn faster.

....when you tell people you major in "architorture"

...U can't draw without listening to music!

...when people tell you that they like walking around with you because you see things know one else does.

...when you don't understand how someone doesn't strategize their way through traffic (or everything else in life).

...when someone says "icon" and you think of Louis I. Kahn.

...when someone says "eye candy" and you think of gratuitous details on a building.

...when you use words like "gratuitous".

...when you have to use spellchecker to see if you spelled "gratuitous" right.

... When you're not sure what day of the week it is

... When you have slept straight through a day and into the next day after a final review

... When lack of sleep makes you feel and act as if you are high

... When any flat surface is seen as a place to take a nap (underneath the tables in the computer room (that's where it is the warmest), in hallways, on drafting boards

... When a relationship with an upperclassman seems like a good idea because they might be able to help you on your project

... When a relationship with an underclassman seems like a good idea because their final review is before yours and therefore, they can help you produce once they are finished

... When the books that you read consist primarily of photographs and not so much of words

... When you have to ask your fellow architects to give you wake up calls

... When you have three or more alarm clocks in your room.

... When cutting yourself with an x-acto seems like a good idea because it will give you an excuse for not having finished your work

... When you go to studio and spend more time socializing than doing work

... When you have big enough balls to tell a critique that they are wrong

... When everyone in studio hates you because you are the one who plays their music too loudly

... When after playing your music too loudly the same people who hated you start to take interest in your music

... When you have developed an addiction to buying new albums, because you have gotten sick of all your old ones

... When trying to decide what album to play you find an album you haven't listened to a while and it ends up being the perfect choice.

... When professors for courses outside of the architecture school are lenient once they are aware you are an architecture student.

... When you tell someone in another school that you are architecture major and they automatically assume you have no social life

... When you have a non architect friend who wants to tag along to architecture parties because they know that architects have the best parties

... When you are the only sober person standing outside of the hot truck on a Friday/ Saturday night

... When you have a sign taped to your back that says do not disturb unless you are ordering food or handing out free blowjobs

... If it were possible to bartar sexual favors for production help, you would seriously consider pulling tricks

... You have given a final presentation with your fly open

... You try to do things to make your friend laugh while he is presenting

... You have layed flat out on the floor and gone to sleep during a review

... You have snored during a review

... When you skip classes because you have too much work to do

... When writing a paper seems impossible and completely foreign to you

... When you attempt to do a media project in lieu of a paper

... When you have an inexplicable mark running off your page because you fell asleep while drafting

... When you are able to fall asleep underneath a running shower head and you are completely sober

... When you wonder what it would be like to be in another major and the idea of going

Out three or more nights a week is unfathomable

... When you participate in a mad dash to the campus cafe at closing time for free coffee lose your eyesight and you gain backache and neck ache

...when people stop you in hallways and say "hey, I like your beard" and you realize that you haven't shaved in three projects

...when you start measuring all time segments in terms of "projects

...when you refer to your computer as your "significant other"

...when you have nicknames for all your tools

..when you talk to all your tools like they're "real people" and use their nicknames

...when taking "5" is going and making coffee, taking "a break" is running to the store to get more coffee beans and for every 6 hours of sleep you miss, you add a scoop to every pot of coffee you make

...when a triple shot espresso just doesn't have enough "kick"

...when you try to talk to another person and realize that you've invented your own language and nobody else understands you

...when Pink Floyd lyrics actually make sense

...when a 102 degree fever or strep throat is to you no excuse to miss a crit.

oh n i got into UEL and nottingham. :)

Thursday, February 4, 2010

of hermit and blackberry

My sayang had kindly bought me a blackberry for the connections reasons. and now I've turned into a hermit.
Well, its not like I wasn't one before. I definitly was. Just that, this Blackberry had turned me into a hermit zombie or something, I'm in a whole new level of hermitness.

First of all, there's auto facebook, ym, email update. So that's one contact with other homo sapiens crossed out.

Then there's unlimitted internet service. As a hermit as I am, when I'm bored I initiate contact with other homo sapiens, pg minum or something, but with internet access, I can do whatever the hell I want. I can read novels, comic (reading nana now), download music, and such.

And hence my human contact is further reduced n my personal space bubble is further expanded.

And now I'm updating my blog on bb. Nais. :D

All for the cost of rm 200 per month. Totally worth it!

Sayang, I think BB brings more harm than good to me. But hell I love it!!!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010


thanks for the entry.:,) *made me cry kat office*

i really dont know what to say. i dont know why im so grateful.

i love u. always always.


Pages - Menu